This Year, Me!

 Another year has slipped by, and life unexpectedly has grown more complex.

I find myself at a strange threshold: a place where I no longer know who I am, or who I’m becoming. Old aspirations have softened; some have faded entirely. And yet, there’s a deep ache that tightens around the heart a quiet reckoning with past choices, missed turns, and unspoken regrets.

Some days, I feel I’ve grown.
Other days, the loneliness is loud.

Perhaps this is not confusion, but transition.

So, this year, instead of resolutions, I want to leave myself a wish list not for the professional version of me, not for achievements or optics but for the real me. The one who feels, doubts, dreams, and hopes quietly.

This is what I wish for:

1. Heal
I have spent years pouring time, energy, and emotion into people. Somewhere along the way, I forgot myself. This year, I want to feel whole again to feel alive. To dance to music as if no one is watching. To let my imagination wander freely. To return to myself without guilt.

2. Rediscover a hobby
There was a time I was good at many things. Over time, judgment real and imagined taught me to shrink. Experiences taught me that showing your true self can make you vulnerable to misuse. Still, I don’t want fear to win. I want to choose one thing, learn it slowly, and do it purely for joy.

3. Capture moments
Time is fleeting, and memory is fragile. I want to take photographs not for perfection, but for presence. To hold onto moments, I can revisit when life feels heavy, and to leave behind fragments of life that once felt full.

4. Experience life deeply
Not cautiously. Not later. But now.
I want to live in ways that feel expansive, surprising, and honest. To experience life as if it matters because it does.

Maybe this year won’t give me all the answers.
But if it brings me closer to myself, that will be enough.

The Year I Became

Today, I celebrate my journey, the lessons, the leaps, the quiet triumphs. I honour the strength I’ve built and the softness I’ve kept. This year, I choose courage over comfort, alignment over approval, and joy without apology. I am ready for what’s next, because I am already enough.

This is the year I walk in full bloom,

Not rushed by time, nor caged by gloom.

A thousand yesterdays whisper my name,

But I rise unshaken, wiser but not the same.

This is the year I unwrite my doubts,

To speak with fire, to live out loud.

To gather the scattered pieces of me,

And build a life I dream it to be.

So here’s to the sunrise on my skin,

The battles lost and the quiet wins.

Another year that goes by today,I’m not older, but clear in every way.

I was born for this moment, and this year,Not chasing, just walking softer and loud,A simple wish I pray yet again,May my path be simpler and gains come my way. 

Onism!

Caged birds croon and serenade,

Taking in the sights with astounding disdain,

Stuck in the head like songs never meant to sing,

Some beats escape the heart to not knock again.

While the world is coming to an end,

All my mistakes seem so little in itself,

Another song that we were yet to sing,

Turned into whispers that don’t exhale.

The rage in the moon that shines bright,

Timid stars wait for the sun to rise,

The earth goes around on time,

We live everyday wasting our lives.

Selcouth!

How can emptiness be so heavy ~ Six Word Story

This hollow feeling in the chest that creeps in is daunting. When all the love you have for a person slowly drips out, that feeling is anything but horrible. You know, the kind of feeling when everything around you is like a dark hole where you see nothing but darkness. You feel like you’re trapped in a cube with no activity tunnelling through your nervous system. I hate this feeling, because it’s the end of the love you had for someone. Soon they will become just a memory, some parts of which you’ll remember but most you’ll omit. 

You'll forget how they made you feel and how you felt when you held them. You'll forget all the smiles they bought and you'll forget the tears too. Only the last moments will linger but only till you find a new love. Another home will then be built over the ashes of the old. 

However, the intensity of the way you love lessons with each breakup, soon you love the new person in a different way. They say each heartbreak changes you and it restructures you. The empty feeling you have now will be refilled or maybe not but you know time has come to close a chapter, even though you keep wishing against odds and yet you lost your heart again. 

The journey ends here, paths separate, you tear away the remnants of love that still linger or you begin to bury it deep into the subconscious. This vacated feeling is like the full grown tree waiting to blossom but never did. This hollow feeling, I hate it. 

Crapehanger!

It hurts when my heart loves what it cannot,

Yet there is no peace and it seems hollow,

The sadness of pushing love out and yet,

Holding the burden when it tries to reach out.

Work to silence the mouth that seeks release,

What more can one do but sulk deep within,

The way my heart loves and watches itself bleed,

Today is one of those days when it reeks. 

The howling wind echo the screams of my heart,

They call you out knowing you'll kill it all,

But then the heart is primeval and aches,

It still loves you and it brings loathe within.

Twinge!

I live with so much pain in my heart. Every single day, I wake up and get myself to face this world. I live my life now to the fullest because pain has become a part of me. I've accepted the number of times my heart's been broken by lovers, friends, family and even strangers. I move alongside people who've hurt me and as I watch myself becoming numb to their existence. It's like pain becomes your hidden identity. The best kept secret that you harbour in your core. My words of love and pain may be loved, I only wish they were loved by the ones I loved. There is so much I want to say to them, but I choose to write about it here, because so much of all that I've already said didn't matter one bit. 

I wonder if think about me, even for a second, knowing that I exist in this universe somewhere or have they forgotten me like every season that changes, every year that moves to the next. So many people love me, I get constant validation, not that I need any but I guess I'm waiting for an apology I know I will never get. So, I often wash down that hope in a stream of tears and silence my heart and try to be more ignorant to the rants of love.

Be it 5 years that you give a person or even a year, the intensity of love that you have for them changes with time. One day you take that pain, and indulge in the misery it brings alone, gulping each tear with a glass of wine knowing that your tears are wasted. Life keeps bringing me people who hurt me, I know not why. I roam the streets of life looking for this answer while drowning in delight of pleasure that alcohol brings to the distressed nervous system. 

Alongside love, pain shares my heart's space, sadly for me, both have been given by the same people. So, where do I escape?

Depleted!

I'm tired of writing my heart out. Sometimes, I feel that even if I do, does it really help? Does it in any way manage to help deal with whatever is going on in my life? Is it enough to convey my deepest, darkest  feelings? 

I've been busy off late and frankly I have to look for inspiration to hit me because when it does, I'm often busy concentrating on other things. Or maybe, just maybe I'm trying to not face my feelings. That's what life does to you, when you are busy with one thing, it helps to compartmentalize and drop all other issues. If you ever do an analysis of your life, you'll figure out that it's actually the people in your life that cause you pain or bring happiness. When you are on your own, you are self-sufficient . 

So, I decided to take a break from people. They've just been disappointing me since so long, it's a pleasant change. Sometimes you need to b alone. Sometimes you need time with yourself to understand and release all the burden that you carry within yourself.