Life and Decisions!

The most difficult question to answer is perhaps - what kind of a life partner you are looking for. I recently came back from a family wedding and trust me people have been going bonkers over getting me married. Hinting and insinuating (pulling my hair out moment actually). Amongst all the chaos and endless teasing I realised that I am unsure of what I want. The perception of who I want to spend my life with has changed dramatically as I have aged, what I wanted at 25 v/s what I want now is totally completely different. Yet there is an image of the kind of person I want to spend my life with and sometimes if some people are lucky enough they do find that special someone. 

Ofcourse there is a specific type of person you are attracted to instantly and that does push you to choose that person but then when you think of spending the rest of your life, it makes you stop and wonder. I am very scared to get married to the wrong person and then break up and then if not make my children suffer. I know people say times have changed and it may not be so you can always get a divorce. But no one tells you the trauma you go through. That itself is an ordeal. I’ve had friends and family who have gone through some dirty divorces and it really is not easy. Or the ones that are living in a bad situation. What happens then? All of these are questions that make the process difficult. Plus when you are older you want different things, independence, a guy who respects you and most importantly in today’s time is faithful and loyal.

There are like so many things to think about, relationships are not complicated I mean that is what dating is for right. But to spend an eternity with someone – what if they snore really  loud, or have a habit of scratching their balls 24 x7 or eat with their mouth open, what if they want you to wash their undies ewwwww and OMG so many things. What am I supposed to do, that I will not know right. I mean he may be a pervert and then what. Then the serious questions like does he want kids, what is his nature like, how are his moods, what does he think of women, how will he react to certain situations, is he loyal, I mean SO MANY EFFIN THINGS! 

Is it weird that I feel so lost whenever I think of this, I start to sweat, major major panic attack happens. It is scary. And then so many things follow suit. What do you do? Who do you consult? How do you trust yourself to make the right decision or others to make it for you? While the tension builds, there will be people elder to you telling you happy stories and giving advice and on the other hand your peers tell you these horror stories that literally scare the living day lights out of you. Who do you trust? I now believe that its better so just get married young when you are too naïve to think of all these things and want these things, because apparently some expectations lower as you age quite the contrary to what people think. 

But this was not supposed to happen, am more confused now. I need help. Like serious help! 

HELP!