Ingenuous!

When your mind is full of questions,

You seek a ray of light glittering across the sky,

Your heart goes out and cries,

Waiting for the life to blow out right.

How many times you hold yourself?

How many times can you console yourself?

How many times you know the words are lies,

How many times you tell your heart to deny.

It takes all your strength to harden the care,

To know the fact that your emotions don’t mean a thing,

So, let your naive heart swim the perilous tides,

Maybe you will drown, maybe you will survive.

Vastness

I wish across the tepid sky,

As I call out to my sisters in the sky,

To pray and coax a wishing star,

As it strings  across this beautiful sky.

To send me a hand that I can touch,

To send me a heart that I can adore,

To send me a love that I can trust,

To send me a soul that I can hold.

Tired of all the lies,

Tired of all the fake sighs,

Tired of all the games,

So tired of being played.

Loud Peal!

Is there a poem more beautiful than this? Is there a quote more profound than this? Is there a word that holds the entire universe within?

Such questions and many more plagues me when I read something that reverberates in my soul or when I get lost in thoughts. I live so many lives, one in my head and one in my heart, one in my soul and one in my reality. When you have a mind like mine, you get accustomed to overthinking and stretching your imagination. It's crazy how words start to pair up and all I need is a pen to ink what I think. I want to know about things, I want to be able to understand why a person writes the way they do. Why drives them? What about the muse that inspired them at that very moment? What kind of life they live? What are they thinking? What are their dreams and hopes? What troubles them? and all this troubles me.

I live vicariously through others and sometimes that gets too much for me to handle. Even though I'm the youngest, I am the problem solver and the problem handler. That part of my personality has imbibed into my character so much that by default my mind starts working when someone tells me about their problems. Maybe I should have become a therapist, who knows? I give advise and think about how to rectify the problem and frankly i'm tired of it. It stresses me to the level where I want not to be one who takes care of everything, is the thoughtful one, has a solution every time. I want a problem that I can't solve, i want someone to tell me what to do, maybe even better I want them to solve it for me. I want feel for once how it feels to be dependent on someone, even though I detest it because it makes you vulnerable but I want to experience it once. 

Song Sang Long!

The ones who sang of love, left their words to make us feel what they went through. This couldn't have come at a better time. I just lost someone and I cried so much. I always turn to music to heal me, I think that's an age old method.

Life is so fragile. We don't even realize when time just floats away. We burn back to ash only to be reborn again as who know what or whom. In between that time from when we are born to reborn somewhere we try to live. We get to experience beauty of the thoughts of others. We get to feel their love and their pain.

The beautiful sound of music heals your soul. You know that no words can heal the pain but music does. It says so much more with just melodies than lyrics ever can.

How the music touches the heart and finds every crack that needs healing. If every melody has a story, so does every tear. Both can be expressed by just experiencing the divinity of sounds.

Aren't I glad that at least someone understands me.

Fragility of Life!

A very close mamu of mine passed away today, and from the time I heard his news and till the time I saw his body, I was numb. My mind was processing the memories a billion minutes per second and my heart was racing and yet I was driving to comfort his family. I don't know why but everyone look towards me to make things okay, to sort and manage things. I always end up taking charge as well.

From cleaning the place to overlooking the cooler being installed and to the time they brought him back home from the hospital. I saw him being brought in wrapped in a white cloth till they unveiled his face, I had my shit together and all that while I kept remembering how his smile was, how our moments were and how things will be. How can a person become just a body in a matter of minutes? How can a life just be a soulless vessel? This is life I guess that goes blank in one minute leaving behind a million memories. 

And at this moment all I need is a comforting embrace of my own while I tirelessly look after the others.