I live with so much pain in my heart. Every single day, I wake up and get myself to face this world. I live my life now to the fullest because pain has become a part of me. I've accepted the number of times my heart's been broken by lovers, friends, family and even strangers. I move alongside people who've hurt me and as I watch myself becoming numb to their existence. It's like pain becomes your hidden identity. The best kept secret that you harbour in your core. My words of love and pain may be loved, I only wish they were loved by the ones I loved. There is so much I want to say to them, but I choose to write about it here, because so much of all that I've already said didn't matter one bit.
I wonder if think about me, even for a second, knowing that I exist in this universe somewhere or have they forgotten me like every season that changes, every year that moves to the next. So many people love me, I get constant validation, not that I need any but I guess I'm waiting for an apology I know I will never get. So, I often wash down that hope in a stream of tears and silence my heart and try to be more ignorant to the rants of love.
Be it 5 years that you give a person or even a year, the intensity of love that you have for them changes with time. One day you take that pain, and indulge in the misery it brings alone, gulping each tear with a glass of wine knowing that your tears are wasted. Life keeps bringing me people who hurt me, I know not why. I roam the streets of life looking for this answer while drowning in delight of pleasure that alcohol brings to the distressed nervous system.
Alongside love, pain shares my heart's space, sadly for me, both have been given by the same people. So, where do I escape?
