Just a thought!

You know everything, you understand everything and then you realize that life has a way of fooling you. Knowing too much isn’t enough, knowing a little isn’t enough either. Sometimes your life just seems too out of focus like it’s lost it’s balance. Things don’t happen the way you want them to and people keep telling you that it’s for the best. The only question that comes in your head is that, does it turn out to be for the better? Do the people who hurt get their share? Do they ever realize? Even if they do , are you there to see it...

Hmmmm too deep...thought so hehe

Weird thought!

U know a thought just came to me we all run for democracy and we are the victims of the biggest dictatorship like ever and I never guessed it was FATE!!

I mean if everything is predetermined and predestined then what the hell are we doing? If we fight so much for something and it's not even gonna be ours then why fight at all. Just to see it slip away. I mean we are the biggest puppets at the hands of some three crones as per legend who decide what's gonna happen to us. Pretty darn sad isn't it lol

Well then that leaves the door way open for Hope and bla bla...where are we actually, do stars and fate decide who we are and how things are gonna be for us. Well I don't know but am pretty psyched to find out.

Maybe on my death bed, I shall revisit this blog and then look back and tell myself  all the things that I wanted and all that I was destined for. It's amazing isn't it to know that the blue print to your life is all up there somewhere and someone is grinning over your every wrong move ...BUGGER !!

Well atleast there is some optimism left which makes me think that better things are waiting for me after a period of sheer bad luck( hopefully)...hmmm..better not jinx it huh. But still am totally utterly sad to think that no matter how much I try there alas is no free will..

Sad yet True!!

I need to know!

I need to know,
That I am gonna be fine,
It's so tough now,
My faith's shaken to the core.

I need to know,
Will i be able to survive,
This is a curse or a blessing,
When will I decide.

I need to know,
Love is for real,
It's not an illusion,
That surrounds me more.

I need to know,
I'll be happy tomorrow,
That I'll be myself again,
That I'll stop missing you someday.

I need to know,
There is a future,
My hopes and dreams will flourish again,
My life will be normal someday.

Little old sad me!

Everything just goes wrong; it’s a rancid twist of life,

I thought my life to be totally different,

Look now how I succumbed to fate,

How I thought I would be happy,

Here I am twisting in pain.

It started when I was able to see life for what it is,

I started realizing when I understood people’s games,

Here I stand utterly overwhelmed,

What’s a little old me to do against this burden of pain.

I cried, I rot in envy and jealousy,

To see what’s mine being shared endlessly,

To see my soul and heart being torn to shreds,

To feel there is no positivity and no gain.

How I wanted just a speck of happiness,

Instead am here alone troubled by this madness,

Who was once dear is far away,

Who were once so near seem to fade away.

Things are moving at their own pace,

It’s me who is unable to accomplish,

My life’s goals hopes and dreams,

Here’s a little old sad me,

Crying in immense pain.

@$#%^&

There is something about certain things that make you obsessive. What is it that triggers obsession I will never know. It’s just this fire, which burns you and soon you are engulfed in it, burning your pride along with it. Thou shall not be jealous!! Hello who ever said that must either be deceiving or must be too holy for their own good.

I keep obsessing over my weight, my clothes, my relationships, family even something as mundane as the weather but somehow we always land up in a place where you don’t want to be emotionally. The tides of emotions, feelings of despair or sometimes of happiness take you towards two different spectrums which confuse’s me further.

Being obsessive has made me realize that I have become someone am not, whoa a personality shift has happened and when did the transition take place I have no clue..nada. But this person here is not so welcoming, I have lost my spirit somewhere, stranded somewhere on a lonely island all alone. Geez, is this what getting old means then I don’t want to go there.

I don’t see the reasons in things that are happeneing around me. I can’t accept certain things in my life. Everyone keeps saying wait and watch but I am tired of waiting and watching…ever have the same feeling anyone..tell me I am not alone in this!

Huh!

It's just so funny how when you want to write the most, you always fall short of words. Tonight as I sat with all thoughts cornered that I shall write...what was the question that lay ahead?

I write something and re read it I have this nasty habit just to tweak it. How I wonder it would be so easy to tweak life sometimes too and nooo am not gonna write a emotional blog vomiting all gyan.

It's so fascinating to look at myself, analyze see how I have evolved from the past. I lost myself somewhere, don't know if it's a good thing but I suddenly feel very MATURE. That's a big word for me, Ive all grown up well not all. I still get hyper and excited over little things. I still want to converse in the most wittiest of manner. I still love to twirl when I listen to music, or sing out loud when my favorite song comes. But I also understand how to grow and move on, I understand how to give space. How to forgive ( maybe not completely...getting there), how to see the better side of things.

The thought that often plagues my mind now is where am I heading? Where do I want to go? Who d I wanna be? I am 27 and sadly oblivious to all these questions. i see people around me who are settled, know what they want out of their life and here I am writing in a blog, finding myself. Is it me or are there any more pseudo adults like me?

Lets see...

Old is Gold!

There is nothing more enchanting than watching old movies....there is just something about them, a reassurance that fills you with hope that sooner or later everything will be fine. Every movie, every script ever written has hurdles and hardships but somehow it all just turns ok and life's good again.

they are the kind of movies, that help you get through all the bad stuff happening in your life. Somehow even if you deny it, there is a little hope in that teeny tiny corner of your heart which says "see i told you, everything will be fine"!

I can sit for hours and watch movies like meet me in st louis, casablanca, roman holiday, wizard of oz, angels in the outfield, sound of music,breakfast at tiffany's, christmas carol, seven brides for seven brothers, gone with the wind etc etc with a bag full of popcorn, a box of tissues and a blanket. How I wish my life would for once just be like those movies, ending well...maybe someday they will...guess I just have to live it to see it!