Is it?

So two words can make all the difference. Two words of confusion, conviction, question or devastation.

How different can two words be and what can they make you feel is entirely what you believe and/or perceive.

Random thought, is it?

If only!

Would have done anything,
Fought with the world,
Stood for anything, against anyone,
Done everything, said something,
If only you said yes!

For us, I would have hoped,
Would have cried and wailed,
Sailed away, told lies, convinced everyone,
Done enough, left nothing,
If only you said yes!

Left everyone, loved nothing,
Was a lot at stake,
Would not cave in,
Never give in, held tight,
If only you said yes!

Instead, stood alone, fought alone,
Cried alone, died alone,
Sighed alone, broke alone,
Cause you never said yes!

A Song too many

A song I heard,
Its melody so slow,
Full of sorrow, not hope nor glow,
As I listen, my heart sores!

All the memories come flooding back,
How a melody strummed,
Can bring peace or agony at once?

A tear rolls, a smile fades,
How I trapped myself again,
Time flew, but its back again,
That wind that froze, blew again!

A blocked door, found a way again,
That rusted lock, threw open today,
Trapped soul of mine cried again,
My wish never fulfilled, died again!

Flow!

Water is meant to flow,
Unlike the other rivers,
Why is mine so slow?

I drew a path,
Cutting through mountains and snow,
I thought I had a crystal view,
Where did my direction go?

I stand alone,
With want to thrive and flow,
Am still at the same stop,
Wondering where to go.

As all the others pass me by,
I think of taking the familiar path,
Then I remember all the stones,
Hurting me so bad.

I took a chance to force a new path,
Contorting , struggling and twisting so far,
Finally I did move a little,
Only to find a blocked path.

Some moments are priceless

We are lucky! Whether we acknowledge it or not but the truth is we are. Some special moments always leave you with little joy that can carry you through a really bad phase in your life.

How you make it yours to stay is the question. Just the moment you meet a loved one after long, fills you with so much happiness that you do not knw
what to do that is something which is so precious.

Picking flowers and inhaling the intoxicating aroma of those wonderfully fresh art of nature take you to paradise.

Laughing with friends, sharing memories or talking to your family about the crazy things that are happening makes you happy to be alive.

I had some of these special moments remind me lately how blessed I am even though life may sometime eclipse happiness. Its eventually what we make of it.

This I learned today!!

Weird feelings

It's just so weird, one minute you are all happy and the next you are bombarded with a different feeling.

Is it part of growing up, I will never know. Seems that as I have lived my life with all my experiences there always seem to be instances where the power to rule my emotions is handed over to some person. How this control lands in their lap is what I need to work on. I guess that is one thing that I will need to master.

All the events as unfold again, I relive them again. The painful, the seductive, the happy and the sad ones too. All I wish that one day I may be able to just forget about these strangers taking control of my life.

It's stupid but somehow so surreal.

Live. Love. Laugh

How is it that we live our life harboring all that we want to do and never seem to have the courage or are lazy to just get up, and start doing it. There I am on a mission to clear out the clutter from my life, get a direction , some objective, get motivated and do something.

As I sit in front of the pile of clothes I have taken out to chuck or the papers that need recycling all I can do is sit opposite my guitar I acquired 8 years back and think - when will I play the songs that I love. When will I be able to write music and experience the joy of creating something unique? I pick up the guitar and strum a little knowing how my fingers itched to play these strings which now lay rusted in front of me.

As I reposition to the other corner I see a brochure of pottery class, and I remember that passion that I had to connect with Mother Nature, align my self with her and suddenly after 5 years there it sits on a bunch of old magazines that I want to pitch.

Then I found something so valuable which took me back to my school years when I thought I would conquer the world. A list of to – do things that needed to be done before I turned 30. As I panic I realize that I wasted 8 years of my life crying over petty things, doing almost nothing for myself and my deadline is approaching. 2 more years and I cross into the thirties -* depressed*. Where is that girl who wanted to follow her dreams, fall in love, sings stupid romantic songs do almost all of the crazy things. I fell in love, my dreams changed merged into others, the picture to please another came into my being. Responsibility came, new relationships formed and I forgot about the most important person – ME. When did she disappear and when did this sulky, lazy and scared person emerge is something that needs a lot of perspective and reflection.

I feel my life is at a standstill, with only years moving away. When will I be motivated, who shall be my muse. I never wanted to be the person who looks back at her life only to see that she has not accomplished anything that she had her heart set on. Why is it that when we grow up we hide away our dreams, they change, we mold them into something that others would have wanted us to do.

Today as I sit in front of my diary - a blast from the past I feel I have nothing but utter respect for that person that I used to be. I need that courage, I need that spirit. I need me back!