दर्द के आँसू।

खून कर के किसी का, 

चार दिन की चॉंदनी भी कम रही,

शुरू कर दिया किसी और को ढून्ढना,

इतनी भी क्या जल्दी थी। 

अपना दर्द भूल गये,

जो दूसरे को दर्द दे बैठे,

खेला था किसीने दिल से आपके,

तो अब खुद ही खिलाड़ी बन बैठे। 

किसी के अॉंसू नहीं चूबे,

अपने सागर के आगे,

जब हार ही देनी थी तौफहे मे,

तो क्यो खेल खैले सूहाने। 

जूठे वादे जो कर बैठे,

इतनी भी क्या खफां,

कितने जश्न मना लिये,

किसी का भी ना सोचा। 

शायद वो दर्द जूठा है,

जिसकी चूबह्न नहीं है,

अपना दिल जो टूटा,

दूसरे की फिक्र नहीं है। 

ना देखा, ना पूछा,

किस हाल मे जी रहे हैं,

चल पड़े फिर इश्क की खोज मे,

फिर से वही दर्द दौहराने। 

जाओ अापको मांफ किया,

चाहे कितना दर्द दे के भागे,

सह लेंगे इस गम को भी,

जिसको दूबारा जगा गये।  

पर रूकते नहीं ये ज़ालिम अॉंसू,

हर दिन याद करता बेंकाबू,

शायद कमी है मूझमे, 

तभी मै कांफी नहीं। 

इतनी भी क्या खूदगर्जी,

ठोखर मार के मूड़े भी नहीं,

भूलना तो सबकी फीतरत हैं,

कभी प्यार करो तो सही। 

किस्मतों का खेल है ये भी,

कभी तो कर्ज़ चूकाऔगे सही,

सब झूठ, सारे झरौंखे,

हीसाब तो जनाब दोगे ही! 

Maybe In Another Life!

Trust is such a fragile thing,

It breaks at the pull of a string,

What do you do when,

They kill it with a lie of no good. 

I trusted you with my heart,

My body and soul,

Bared everything,

Every little piece of me,

My life and thoughts you knew.

Did I ever judge you?

I loved you for who you were,

I was always judged,

Never will I ever recover.

Your chest I wanted to sleep on,

Your arms I wanted to lean on,

Your mind I wanted to learn,

Your heart I wanted some room. 

And then you kill me,

Every single time and now again,

Made me a killer when,

I am the victim of this crime. 

Am I not worthy enough?

Did I not understand your dilemma?

All I wanted in return,

Was for you to not make me cry. 

And then you taunt me,

Haunt me in my dreams,

And then you leave,

Without a way to reach it seems. 

Because you thought it was never meant to be,

You thought there was no future,

Who made sure of that?

You killed me, so what ground my memories have.

I will drift away,

Unspoken and unrequited,

But I will still care,

Because I was honest.

So you hang my memories,

Give them a death sentence,

My heart's tiny pieces.

Will pine for you always. 

What really hurts me though,

Is how you lied and played,

But ofcourse I am only an online affair.

I have no feelings and care,

Because we never met,

I would never get hurt,

Because you never invested,

I was worthy of mistrust ,

Because you never cared for me anyway,

I was never worthy of your love,

Because you never wrote me anywhere. 

So I won't cry this time,

Well maybe just a little,

And maybe I'll lie just a little,

Because no matter what,

I'm still in love a little. 

But one day when my life is over,

You will find the truth,

You forgot and left someone behind,

Who truly knew your heart and soul but you never kind. 

Facade!

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.  --    Maya Angelou

Life’s lessons are meant to kill. They especially come from the places you never thought you would ever learn. A new lesson I’ve learnt the past couple of days is – “Beware of the people who say they want to see you happy. They will be the first ones to hurt you and taint your life.” Because the people who really want to see you happy will not say it but take steps to make you happy.

There is a sort of an ironical twist to the entire thing as well. In order to not be sad, you want to run to the person who made you sad (most often or you may want to kill them – that’s another post) but the fact of the matter is that, you miss them. Beyond every pain, every ruthless word, every lie, you miss them. But I have realized that this world is cruel. If you have bad experiences, they should be lessons for you to NOT do the same to the other, because you know the pain, you are familiar with it, you’ve lived it. Yet, if you consistently make the other suffer using the manner that you know they would hurt most with, you deserve the pain. 

This life will have your path run with numerous people, sadly you don’t choose some. You cannot even trust your judgement in this world. For instance, a person who you thought would never hurt you the way you’ve been hurt before will do the very same thing. It destroys you. It shatters whatever sanity you had managed to carve out of the stone of your being. They annihilate it. The easiest thing to do is leave. That’s the way to escape battles within you and apparently with others. Why can’t you stand and fight, to resolve issues. No, fight is no longer an option but flight is. A single moment, one statement can hurt you. It can break you. It can kill you.

People cannot be trusted. If you lay your trust and more importantly love in them, you do expect them to take a little caution to it. But in turn you know when they leave, how much you matter to them. Even if they feel horrid after the event, do they come back? Do they apologize? When they don’t bother for the one thing you are petrified of, knowing that it would break you. How is this even Ok? Moreover, hurting yourself over it, how will that help when you murder someone’s broken pieces.  Why come into someone’s life if you never want to be a part of their life? I've fallen for words many times before, this time, I know actions mean more. If someone truly cares for you, they will not let the world know. They will let YOU know. That’s what worth more.

“Life is short”, is not the frame of mind I now reside with. Life is very long. You will live the time you are meant to. But what use is it then to live the life with your ego, knowing and feeling the way you do, you still let your ego win. Why repent and why antagonize yourself when you let your ID rule you.  Then why does it matter (or maybe it actually doesn't).

You can cry yourself to sleep every night because you have to put a brave face every morning. What do you do when you know that you don’t matter because you were never written anywhere? Your tears are not worth anything and will never be prioritized over someone’s ego. There are a lot of reasons to be sad, it’s not really something you can encompass and confine to a list and check the boxes. But it is actually an amalgamation of a lot of little pieces, stories and experiences that make you sad.

Sadness is never singular. Surprisingly, when you are sad and you don’t have the ability to fake your emotions (yes, you are doomed), your sadness has the capacity for mass destruction. Why is it, that sadness can’t be yours and only yours? People should just let you be and let you cry it out, fight it out, scream it out.  Because you don’t matter, if you did, they’d show you and you’d know. They'd be there to wipe the tears you cry everyday. Yes, then you really know.

Silent Prayer!

Heavy heart, drunk words,

Teary eyes, hopeless dreams,

Countless promises, none to keep,

Dark paths, no stars, no gleam,

Moon shines, the sun sleeps,

Pain peaks, hearts weep,

Memories hurt, feelings fade,

Throat chokes, feet stumble,

Brick by brick, the wall builds,

Eyes hurt, insides bleed,

Inch by inch, death beckons,

Only to kill once again it seems. 

Who matters?

People always want you to be there when they need you. What about the time when you need them? In this fast moving world, you can't take one moment's breath. People give up on you, they leave, their world will always be bigger than yours. 

Sometimes you can't even rely on you. At times now when I cry, they are just hollow tears. I don't even know who or what am crying for. Everything and everyone has dissapointed me. Maybe because I expected a lot. Maybe because I thought it would help. But it doesn't. 

You are somebody's memory. No matter how much a happy one you want it to be, you will never matter, you will be forgotten. One minute, one hour and one day at a time. Because when you really matter, you know. You don't doubt it.

Unanswered Questions!

For many it seems rather easy to move on from one love to another. Are they really cursed to have never felt the intensity of unconditional love. Or are they blessed to move on and live the life they were meant to live.

Love has twisted the minds of many for centuries. Yes, to love with all your being is the most honest expressions of our emotions that you can share with a person. But is it right to hold on to the memories of the past and torture yourself while the other has overcome those emotions. 

A part of you, will always belong to that person. And rightfully it should. Whether or not it was reciprocated in the same way but still that part belongs to them. But what we fail to understand that love has no dimension and no measurement. If a part of you is gone or broken or forgotten, there lies within another little tiny piece, like a bud, ready to blossom. Who knows that with the right kind of nurturing, you maybe able to plant the seeds of happiness, not in the old but a new pot. 

Grown in harsh conditions, cactus too survives. It's all about the will and the other person. So, let me ask you this, that if you let go of someone who you truly loved, whether forced or willingly, would you repeat the mistake if you happen to find it again? Should you deny yourself that happiness and are you that cruel to break someone again who may have emerged from a similar battle. 

Past teaches us to learn and correct our mistakes. And if fate favours you, are you that misguided to let that bridge burn for the sake of an old rusted, broken one?

Easier to ask others these questions  but so tough to be the one to answer them. But still, you trust the fates and hope that you have a little happiness in store for all the tears cried. 

How could you?

I laid my credence,

Gave my heart to you,

Thought u'd keep it secure,

But you did the unthinkable,

All I was left with,

Was the thought, how could you?

So much conviction, was it not enough.

So much care, guess it lacked somehow,

So much love, left unwanted as it was,

Never made any difference to you. 

To think now,

After all this time,

You still left,

Without a heed one night,

To be with memories,

Escaping reality,

When all I did,

Was wait for you,

Hope for you,

Hopelessly love you.

You made me doubt myself,

You made me doubt my love,

You made me feel weak,

You made me insane.

All those nights, all the erased talks,

Were you pretending?

Thought I would be happy again,

So many questions unanswered,

So many pieces just scattered,

Guess now I know,

How easy it is for you,

To let me go,

To break my heart,

To walk on it,

The pieces bear blood,

Your footsteps though,

Will always have the scars.