शायद!

किस रास्ते पे आप छोड़ गए हमें,

ना कुछ ख़बर, ना अपना पता दे गए,

नज़रें ढूँढती हैं हर दिन किसे,

क्या वो असलियत है या नहीं,

डूबते सूरज कीं तरह मगर,

समुन्दर में शायद कोई झलक दिख जाए,

डरते हैं यह पाओं हमारे,

कहीं डगमगा गये तो शायद भूल ना पायें,

बस एक आस हैं की आप पास रहो,

मगर झूँठ के दलदल में हम गिरफ़्तार है,

लेकिन दिल यह कहता है,

सुन ले जों यह कहता हैं,

शायद रब ने चाहा तो,

कल फिर एक नया सवेरा हैं। 

Paradigm!

You may not want to admit to yourself but most often in relationships, we give away the power of our being to another. Who has the right to treat you wrong? No one but we give them the leverage to treat us unfairly. Words cut the deepest and they never heal. They fade but they always stay with us. They shape our being. People hide things from you. People manipulate you. All for what? We lose out on our autonomy; maybe not all people do but yes most who are emotionally vulnerable do. There is a fine line between doing things for the other, making them a priority and then totally shying away from what you feel and should do for the other person.

Emotional abuse is the worst kind of treatment that you can give to the ones who care or love you. Being attached to someone does not give you the right to berate them. To use words those intend to harm. You do not have the right to yell at them, to keep them in the dark. If a person bestows their trust in you, value it. Out of a million people, if someone chose you, don’t take it for granted. Every tear is worth something, a lot actually. Every smile even more. If you cannot make someone’s life easy, don’t make it tough. Why hurt people who are emotional? Because they make easy targets? Because they lay their faith and trust in you? Because they actually give a shit about you? A friend has been suffering in her marriage and I feel for her because I made her go for the guy. I made her choose him. She is such a lovable, dependable person who truly does a lot for others and she is suffering in silence. You shouldn't have to play games to get and give love. If you love a person, there has to be some value in their faith and love for you.

When I reflect on this, I start to think of unrequited love. So much adoration and possibilities, where do they all go when they are not given back. You meet a person, you connect, you fall for them and then if there is no future- where do you go from there? It literally feels like your world as you know it, falls apart. You have no idea about how to cut back and let loose the emotions you have for a person. The immense affect they have on you. What happens to the dreams that you weave. The fantasies that you play in your head over and over. How do you force yourself to let go but you still hold on by a tiny thread of hope.

Maybe – such a powerful word it is, isn't it? It’s like you are walking the tightrope, one step, one action and you fall into heaven or hell. We've all had that someone who did not return our love. Crushes are totally different; they come and go but the ones that affect you so leave a mark. You know you have to walk the life that is laid out for you. There will be people with whom you will have to walk ahead,  but that person won't exist in your future. That really really sucks. Because when you know the potential of a union, ok say maybe it won’t be that great, but what if it is, so still you think about it and try. Every now and then in your life, you will end up comparing them with the ones you have. You would think of how they would have treated you v/s how you are treated. Is it worth it? Maybe not, definitely not. But that’s destiny I guess. So even though your unrequited love might think and wish for you to get the best, you get what you are destined to. But what if….what if….

The more experiences I accumulate, the more introvert I'm becoming. The walls are becoming stronger. More barriers are being formed every day. Every brick on this wall is reinforced with betrayal of some kind. This is what I am left with. So ya, from now on I made a vow to myself.  I will abide by certain rules:

•  Don’t hurt anyone.
• Choose the words you speak.Think and realize how they would impact the other.
• Choose who you open up to .Be an open book but only allow certain people to view it.
•  Be a little selfish.
• Don’t believe in just words, they need to be validated by actions.
• Judge a person, don’t trust people immediately.
• Cry and but never forget.
• Know your worth, even if you feel like shit.
• Know that you are loved and cherish people who really love you. They deserve you.
• Know that it’s not your job to fix or raise people.
•  Leave when you are not wanted. Stay when you are needed.
• Differentiate between fake and real.
• Try, don't give up till you have to. You never know what would have happened with that last try.
• Tell people how you feel about them, at least even if you are not together. You know you did your best. Gave your 101%.
• Irrespective of how many bad experiences you have, love. You open yourself to more hurt yes but you never run out of love, for one day, someone might really need it.

So, that’s about it. Even though these rules help but eventually they can’t change who you are as a person. It will take time and a lot of hurt to reinforce these rules but just maybe you are lucky enough to find someone who makes you forget all these rules and just be you.

Woeful Whimpers...

O' teary nights and mornings,

You were missed so,

My eyes so dry were wondering,

Where did the pain go?

O' salty stream of sorrow,

Time to kill this heart again,

To drown in the torture again,

When will this curse end?

O' ruby like aflame gleam,

Blazing for an eternity it seems,

Wounds of this heart won't heal,

When will this agony cease?

O' Broken, bitter, barren you weep,

Maybe you will die due to a broken heart indeed,

So cry all the rivers and oceans you can today,

Finally the eyes are blinded by the pain insane. 

O' let your self depart and be slain,

As the tears flow more rampant,

Remember when he asked if he was ever yours?

You snivel more because he is home, just not yours. 

Is this the best you can do?

Running away presents such an easy way out of problems. It's actually the easiest thing to do. You turn your back and you walk away. Thats how easy it is. But does it help solve an issue or a problem. No. It won't ever fix anything because there is no communication. 

The thing about people is that they often feel that their actions are not understood or not seen through maybe because of irrational emotion or whatever the other might think. But is it so? No. Never. We are mature adults, well most are, we understand the consequences of every action and whether we like it or not, we deal with it. 

It can be so easy to close your eyes and pretend that the lion will not eat you or the train will not hit you when an encounter happens. That's the dumbest thing you can do. In relationships often this attitude is picked up by people. "Ghosting" as it is popularly called is the simplest thing you can do. One day just vanish. Easier to do when you think you don't leave any trace of you behind. This method of choice done by many, really what does it say about you. No one is anonymous. Everyone can be found out. But should it not be your moral duty to give some peace to the other. How is it that communication can solve the worlds issue and not this little thing. 

Answers are important, not because  they are needed but because they bring clarity to any situation. To feelings. For decisions. You cannot force apart things thinking they are not meant to be. Maybe they aren't. Maybe they won't but let time  do so. Every person we meet has a role to play in your life. Sooner or later that role comes to light. You wouldn't cry just for any one. You wouldn't make an effort for just any one. 

Why is it that communication has to have barriers? Why is it that running away is an ok option? Why is it that things are left murky? There are a whole lot of why's that need explaining. Eg, you like someone, they like you back. You start talking, you connect emotionally. That's the crux, you connect else it would just be another useless interaction. Forgotten sooner than you can sneeze. Then why is it that you can't talk to that one person who already knows your fears. You told them enough because you trust them anyway. So why is it that you have the urge to run away? 

I will probably never get why running away is considered the best option. How can you hurt a person more? Is it intentionally done? I will never know. I am a woman of my word. I stand by what I commit to, even if it kills me. So I never really understand this step. But this time around, bet my ass am going to find out. 

LA MODE

Fashion is the love of my life. It’s creative, inspirational actually. Fashion is something that is always an extension of who you are. It is your personality coiled into a beautiful piece of art and displayed to the world in your own unique and special way. Everyone has their own persona that they emit through their choices, the kind of clothes they pick and wear.

The best thing about it is that it is full of contours. You may have an altruistic, classy,  creative, goth, rebel, traditional, informal, formal, cliché, slutty, abstract etc. any choice and if it works for you, great. A friend was asking for my advice, had recommended her friend to call me to know about the shops and stuff and I thought why not, let me write it down.

I personally always love designing. A lot of people I have known over the years always tell me that I made a wrong career choice. I should have either been a designer or into communication. Well! The best part about designing is imaging what you want and see it in your head. The thing about designing is that every time you get a customized version of a dress that only you own. It’s unique. It’s like wearing your dream every single time in an innovative way. There are no seconds. Best thing is hunting for the raw material to create your own ensembles. Roaming through the streets in the search for a perfect match needs patience. You should always seek perfection in whatever you do. The trick is always to know what suits you best rather than worrying about what the current trends are. One of the reasons why I love to travel is because I can shop for things from different cultures. How boring it is to be copying style when you can create your own.

When in Delhi these are the places but a few of my favorites and you like HAVE to shop:

Chandani Chowk – this has to be one of the busiest markets and you can get anything you want – high end or low, the eating joints are world renowned. You have the Jama masjid too. The kinari bazar has to be my favorite followed very closely by the katra’s esp  Katra Asharfi

Lajpat Nagar – This has to be a mini CC. You can get anything you desire and it’s absolutely worth the price.

Sarojini Nagar/ Janpath – Export surplus stuff only. Quality is not so good though.

Karol Bagh - Good for wedding shopping 

Kamala Nagar – This has to be one of my favorite places to shop. Brilliant stuff and they have my fav piercing dude..just got one recently..check it out

Rajori Market – Punju joint totally..somehow never liked the big aunty prints but you do get some good stuff too.

South Ex – Pretty decent shops, big brands and my fav Nalli is there so this has to be a great place to shop too.

Maybe it’s not too late to change careers. :p

“Whoever said that money can’t buy happiness, simply didn’t know where to go shopping.” — Bo Derek

Missing You!

Maybe I am not important,

Maybe i'll get lost in the crowd,

Maybe you won't care. 

But as I drift through the day,

All I think of you and dare,

To dream and to remember,

Of the days we spent together. 

I look for your signs all around,

I pretend to be ok and sound,

I silently cry my tears in vain,

Maybe just maybe it would be the same. 

I write messages only to delete,

To tell you just how I feel,

To tell you how without you life is hell,

To tell you how my day went,

To ask you how yours was well spent,

To make sure you took care of you,

Because you mean so much more.

To be able to word my feelings uncontrolled,

How I worry and care for your whole,

What would I do for just a little space in your heart,

But you told me I can't dream it's wrong. 

Maybe I should walk away,

Never to bother you again,

Would it matter if I left?

Would you miss me a little bit?

Atleast I use my words till spent,

Knowing you will never know my hell. 

Every night tears pray to the soul,

Lips finds strength to utter the words,

I can't let you go is all I know,

I miss you so much and it kills me so. 

किस्सा किस्मत का।

कोई एक शख़्स तो यूं मिले के सुकून मिले,

कोई एक लफ़्ज़ हो एेसा जो क़रार दे,

कहीं ऐसी रूत भी मिले जो बहार हो,

कभी ऐसा वक़्त भी प्यार हो। 

कोई एक शख़्स तो यूं मिले के चिराग़-ए-जान हो,

उसे नूर दे उससे ताब दे बनें कहकशां,

कोई गम हो जिसे कहा करें गम-ए-जाविद़ान,

कोई यूं कदम मिलाए के बनें कारवाँ।

कोई एक शख़्स तो यूं मिले के गम -ए-हिज़र हो,

मेरे राह गुज़ार ख़याल में कोई फूल हो,

मेरे सफ़र मे मेरे पेरों पे भी धूल हो,

चाह हैं के शायद हमसे भी कोई भूल हो। 

कोई एक शख़्स तो यूं मिले के शाब -ए-तार हो,

जो अक्स-ए-ज़ात हो हूबहू,हो आईना मेरे रूबरू,

वो रब जिसमे ना मैं और ना तु, 

सर-ए-ख़ामोशी गुफ़्तगू।