Yup, that feeling!

That feeling when nothing never keeps you at ease,

That feeling when your faith is being dashed,

That feeling when you know you were just a season for someone,

That feeling when you know you were a path left not chosen,

That feeling when you know his words were for many but not one,

That feeling when you know you sound so crazy,

That feeling when you feel the hurt all over,

That feeling when your heart is run over,

That feeling when you know you deserved better,

That feeling when you lie awake than slumber,

That feeling when you wish time would turn,

That feeling when all you want to do is hurl,

That feeling when the love is faked,

That feeling when the lies rip your heart to shreds,

That feeling when you wish your pain death,

That feeling when you want to scream in pain,

That feeling when the tears won’t stop again,

That feeling when you were played and cast off,

That feeling when the room spins with you in it,

That feeling when you want to disappear again,

That feeling when it feels something cuts you inside,

That feeling when you blame the nights,

That feeling when you feel duped,

That feeling when you feel confused,

That feeling when you hope to figure it out,

That feeling when you know you have to move out,

That feeling when you thought you knew,

That feeling when inch by inch the truth comes out,

That feeling when the love begins to run out. 

Word Art

A Pocketful of Bliss!

Ok, so how many days do you wake up and feel you’re happy? Like not enormously, over the top happy, but relatively satisfactorily happy. Now all the people who meet me, and I mean all of them, at some point or another, voice the fact that I’m always smiling. I never comprehended the magnitude of it or the significance of how such a small gesture of mine touched others.

There are numerous things to be dejected about in your life, there are often plenty of reasons, self-made or destined, so it’s not really being a phony but acknowledging that life sucks, until you make it nicer. It’s tough to do, mind you, never really easy when your heart is hurting bad or when you are in physical pain. But then I believe, adapting to life that you’re living is the key. If you’re sad, people will ask you for the reason and pretty much stay away from you, or to give you your space or just not mess themselves up. Your friends and family on the other hand, will listen to your plight, give you some suggestions, but ultimately it is you who has to deal with the rough patch. After a while, your heart just gives up. Whereas, if you are sad, but you still smile, the world smiles with you, if someone else is sad, they look at you and they feel happy. Even if it’s a momentary thing, you did your bit to make someone happy.

I love being happy, duh, who doesn’t? It makes my mind work. It makes me want to do things that matter, reach for my goals. I’m at the stage where I’ve lived almost half my life, since the average age that Indians live to is almost down to 60. So, what brings about happiness? I already wrote some of the things in a previous blog post. Today I just want to write, to pour my heart out on paper. I was sad yesterday night, found some things out , heard my favorite nani passed away and then it dawned on me, what next? You die and that’s it, your circle is complete. The things you wanted to do, the people you wanted to meet, the experiences you wanted to have and share, the kisses you wanted to take and give, hugs that comfort your soul, knowledge you crave, places you wanted to visit, stories you wanted to write, the life you want to live and so much more. Where does all of that go? All the wishes unfulfilled, who bears the burden if it all? When you see people who are no longer capable of doing this, you feel like such a waste of a person yourself, because you’re alive and kicking and you can do it, so why don’t we? Wouldn’t it be worse, if you didn’t try at all?

Who knows about next birth? Do we remember the last one? Do we remember what pain we went through, what life we lived, what virtues or sins we committed? No, right? Then why make this life miserable? Then why do we want to torture ourselves and the lives attached to us. So live, just love and live. If we give our life a chance, guaranteed 1 year down the year, one will feel better. You will hurt but you will be better.

The best thing that you can teach yourself is to move forward. No matter what happens in life, to just move forward. One small step at a time, you might falter, or someone might pull you back, a person or memories, yes absolutely, but at least you are walking. Sure your feet might ache and bleed. They might take time to heal but keep walking. So walk, and find that jeweler, in you or another, who can assess the diamond that you are, a bit rough around the edges but priceless indeed!

A Forlorn Fella

A lonesome man, resting abandoned,

As you glimpse at him, you pity him so,

But do you know the sins he perpetrated,

Do you know the hearts he obliterated?

Seldom such scenes, often provoked sympathies,

But do you know how he led to melancholies,

Assumption of an aura so piteous,

We forget to see the turpitudes committed,

Now he sits brooding like an empty dream,

Knowing no path, no journey, no congruence it seems,

Remorse walks towards him now,

His immoralities have come to culmination now,

The brevity of the situation is,

He does not know the corollary yet!

Love Will Find a Way!

When you feel blue and lonesome,

Like you really can’t go on,

When you are crammed with remorse,

Wishing to renounce the world,

Something will remind you that,

Love will find a way!

If it seems that in your delights,

Something tells you to shriek and wail,

When you are going through changes,

Because time seems like it’s not passing away,

But just believe in me,

Love will find a way!

I see the tears in your cry,

I see the pain in your eyes,

So many times you were forlorn,

And no one seemed to care,

If you chance for tomorrow,

But it keeps drowning in your sorrow,

Know your heart will show you the way,

Love will find a way!

Are you trying to find a beginning?

Or something to just hold on to,

The life you’re steering is arduous,

The world seems to be harsh so far,

Don’t worry my darling baby,

Always know that,

Love will find a way!

Some say you’ve lost your way,

Some say the world’s gone astray,

But if you know where you’re going,

There is nothing no one can do,

Problems may come and go,

But the truth will always stay in your soul,

Love will find a way!

Of Broken Things!

The heart plummeted for words,

Such deceptive little obsessions,

They make you heave or swirl,

They compel you to gleam or bleed galore.

Not conquered the art yet,

To identify people for who they are,

Not surmounted the art yet,

To convert my heart to cold dust afar.

So sometimes the pain bubbles underneath,

Waiting to erupt one day like a dormant volcano it seems,

Empty hearts, malicious needs,

How selfish has the world become indeed.

So you take off to another world,

A world where you build high walls,

You wait no longer for someone,

To break or climb to prove at all.

There is some solace,

To know what the other is composed of,

Sagaciously observe individuals,

To know the hidden agendas of all.

So forget the ones that cause you pain,

It was all just a game to them anyway,

How they left you mid-way and played,

Because they were never yours anyway.

Memoir of a Nincompoop

Some people truly have the propensity to piss you off.  Now, I used to be someone who blew steam quite often when I was young. Almost had flares ready to deploy when I was youngish (not that I’m too old) but over the years (and by constant reminders from mum dearest), I have learnt to control my anger. I tend to understand and calm myself down even if I’m burning from inside. This is a great trick I’ve learnt, I would agree, however some people do bring out the beast in me.

For instance, I’m the kind of person who likes to give honest opinion, even though I might not like the person. That’s me (dumb, I know) but that’s how I’ve been raised. So, if you share concern for a stranger you would definitely do much more for a person you consider a friend, right, WRONG. I’ve come to realise that there are people ( aka askholes), who will drain you, solicit advice from you and still end up doing what they want to do and end up getting screwed over it and then end up cribbing to you about it.

Case in point

• I told a friend to not entertain certain advances from an older gentleman; she didn’t listen and is now totally trapped.
•   I asked a person to be wary of someone, nope won’t listen.
•    I advised a friend to listen before she speaks, control her words and she still ended up fighting with another lady and now that person is on the mission to destroy her.
•    I specifically told my dear sister to not spill the beans about something and she did.

Well, what am I, an idiot? I mean I pride myself on the fact that I do understand how people operate (unless I care/love them, then am a dumb fuck too) but still I can see through people at times. Now what irritates me more is that no one sees how much you exhaust yourself trying to help others. I tend to be way too empathetic for a person and then shit happens.

More so, in such situations I hate it when people aggravate me. For instance, if I say something or post something, and someone ‘tells me” to control myself. I means WTF man, no one asked you to lecture me. I’m entitled to a blowout or two. Also, if someone is making a bloody effort in talking and getting to know you or encourage or for that matter compliment, DO NOT REVERT IN EMOJIS.  Like I’m making an effort here and atleast deserve a response, like a proper bloody sentence.

That’s the problem with people, once you start to care for them; they think they can treat you whichever way they want. People are not toys; you cannot just treat them as per your whims and fancies and come running back or push them away. Yours is not the worst or gravest pain. Everyone goes through shit. If a person cares for you atleast appreciate what they do for you. Unless the agenda like some people is to just play around, “time pass” or whatever it is the kids call it these days, it is NOT ok. Period!  No one is your punching bag. You decide what you want out of someone and please let the other person know it too. If at all you don’t follow their advice, please don’t seek any.