Sorry seems to be the hardest word!!

Sometimes things just don't go the way you plan. Sometimes you screw the situation so bad that no matter what you think you can do to turn it around it just does not happen. 

One misunderstanding, one stupid fear makes you do things you regret. All you do is think of ways that you can mend it but then again whats done is done. 

Sometimes you just have to live with it. Words take a life of their own, they don't come out in the right tone and then the damage is done! 

How I wish things could change, but its just me sayin this. How I wish I could make the situation clear. How I wish I would get an equally eager reply but In the end you pacify yourself thinking maybe it was not meant to be. 

And then you just hope that maybe........

Lauryn Hill at her best!!

"Selah"

Nothing can be done against the truth
no matter how we remain in denial, yeah
Wasting time, replacing time with each empty excuse
but they'll only work a little while
Coping with despair, knowing you're not there
ashamed to just admit I've been a fool
So I blame it on the son, run away from everyone
hoping to escape this ridicule
Trapped in misery, wrapped so miserably
and this deception, I wear it like a skin
Dying to maintain, oh I keep trying to explain
a heart that never loved me to begin
Oh I'm such a mess, I have no choice but to confess
that I've been desperately trying to belong
Lying to myself and everybody else
refusing to admit my right was wrong, and then he came

And then he came
Selah, oh and it means
Praise and meditation, and then he came
Selah, oh and it means
Did you think about that, and then he came
Selah, oh and it means
Praise and meditation, and then he came
Selah, oh and it means
That it is seen

How beautiful is fruit still in denial of its roots
my guilty heart behaves so foolishly
This treason from within that reasons with my sin
won't be happy till it sees the death of me
Selfishly addicted to a life that I depicted
conflicted cause it's not reality
Oh what's left of me, I beg you desperately
cause me to agree with what I know is best for me
Please save me from myself, I need you, save me from myself
please save me from myself so I can heal
The choices that I've made, oh have been nothing but mistakes
what a wasted use of space, should I die before I wake
In all of my religion, I've fortified this prison
obligated to obey the demands of bad decisions
Please save me from myself, I need you
save me from myself, please save me from myself so I can heal

And then he came
Selah, oh and it means
Praise and meditation, and then he came
Selah, oh and it means
Did you think about that, and then he came
Selah, oh and it means
Praise and meditation, and then he came
Selah, oh and it means
That it is seen

And then he came
And then he came, then he came, then he came
And then he
And then he came

A Winter Day!

Looking amist the foggy window,

Dark clouds cover the sky,

Rain falls down and takes you by surprise,

Coz its just another winter day's delight. 

Everything you hold on to,

Blown away by the cold wind,

Waiting for the clouds to clear,

Waiting for the sun to shine again. 

Awake in the early hours,

Thoughts plague your mind,

All the things which didnt work out,

Leave you sour and blind. 

Now the sun does not shine,

You sulk and you cry,

Then again you think,

Just another winter day's plight. 

All the things you go through,

Raised hopes and dreams,

All alone like a fall leaf,

Struggling to not let go of its tree. 

The clouds will finally clear,

Sun will shine again,

Another winter day will fail,

When your spirit will shine away. 

So true

RUSH

On this chilly January day, I thought I'd be brave and venture out into the cold in a metro to work (* i know silly me..brr), I was presented with an opportunity to witness the Delhi "rush". How early morning brings a plethora of crowd heading out to their respective destinations.

How some girls start calling their boyfriends and giving them various insights, to those women who push to grab a seat even if it’s one butt at a time , those who have no care in the world with loud music playing in their earphone, to some who have to finish that one book today even though maneuvering with the book may be a task. Then there are some like me who were the observer today.

Everyone is busy, everyone has a task at hand. No one cares to be courteous to that one old aunty who can’t stand amidst the crowd or that one lady with a child. It brings me to realize what has happened to our value system. This is the country where we all brag on how “Culture Oriented” we are and yet these simple little things escape us.

Some may call it the “migration effect”, I agree not! The desire to compete has brought out a selfish nature in us which has led us to a point where we feel it’s ok to take your own course and forget who we are in the process. Maybe it’s me and I often blame my mom when I see selfish, cunning people get the best in life and I have to struggle for most part of it. But then she tells me that I at least sleep better, pacifying as her statement is, I think it does not work anymore. I see more and more people getting better in life only to lose a part of themselves which I hold dear.

For this reason, I have been tagged as arrogant or rude maybe even a B**** but hey I hold my value system deep, it is my core, my centre that I thrive on. So yes , I become the person who will tell a young girl sitting in the metro to stand up and give room for the old aunty or the lady with the child. I am happy to get the stares and the comments, because I believe I do what is right.

In this rush of the fast life, yes we are getting ahead, but what are we losing, that needs to be considered as well.

Lost again!

Only a persona they see,

Some get scared, some are weak. 

No one cares to see past, what lies underneath. 

A shield build for self preservation,

Built solid some years ago,

For caution and protection. 

Past the shield, the lil old me,

Waits for the one who claims,

To be the man that I thought he would be. 

Wrong I was today,

Thinking to trust an empty heart again,

Took one step towards hope,

Then again it blew in my face. 

Instead hurt and pain was spread insane,

When he didnt bother to look inside again,

To know who I really am,

To see my soul in its purest form!!

Happy New Year!

Wow ..has it been this long ...

As I linger to read my blog after ages, I broke a promise yet again to myself. This time even though it is not that great a promise but yet its affected me in so many ways.

The end of an era is what I would call it...I survived, I lived, I laughed and overcame a very difficult time in my life. I finally figured out who are the people who I am meant to have in my life...who matter the most, correction - who will always matter the most. I found new friendship's in places I would not look, I found that quality matters more than quantity. I found out that people at times will use you but there are some who will cherish you.

Got new members added to the family, ones which I adore terribly. Left some more just to be free!
So many regrets which had left me without a soul, the pain has finally lifted..sometimes I feel a twig and it lures me back but then again the spirit to keep moving forward now pushed me forward.is strong.

New resolutions have been made again this year, my precious gems have molded me to appreciate myself more. My knowledge and craft have increased and yet I feel incomplete. A glimpse of hope I saw and hoped would blossom...but it burned away like the rest. It came fast and went away faster, a new beginning which I had hoped would be glorious but as I think about what went wrong, I wonder what ever did happen...Clueless is what I am at the moment!!

Once again thwarted, where do I begin..I don't have the heart for it anymore. Too much pain and misery has already enveloped me..do I dare venture out?

But being the sentimental fool that I am, I know I will and will hurt again...to make resolutions next year again!!!