Gone!

Today was the teravi of my dad's demise. How life changes in a moment rattles me now. In just a matter of 13 days, our lives have changed. Nothing prepares one for the loss of a parent, irrespective of the fact whether they were magnanimous or imperfect. That orphaned feeling you identify with is not something that one is ever prepared for. Even though I was never very close to my father as an adult and may have had my differences but as we sat browsing old pictures and reminiscing, a record of a lifetime came to an end. Whatever said, he was a rockstar! And I realized that I will miss his singing, I will miss his smirk after trying so hard to get him to laugh, I will miss his cooking, that I will miss him. 

All the fights we've had and all our disagreements left me the minute I saw his stiff frame. From the moment he was full of life to the next where he was lifeless, then onto the burning pyre, he turned to ashes, that is a memory I will never forget. And as the last rites were being done even though I was with all of my family, friends and loved ones around me, comforting us, all I could think was the moments in my future that he will never be a part of. The celebrations he will never be a part of, how he will never see me as a bride, never play with my kids, will never be in our family picture. He will never be with us. 

How these past few days have passed in a daze, I've no idea.  So, I guess once again it's time to close another chapter.  Funny thing is, even though there are countless heartfelt condolence messages pouring in, they all keep mentioning how they know that I will get through it but even though I might appear strong, but today am not. Today, I broke down like there is no tomorrow and at that moment I realized that every hand that I ever wanted to hold for perpetuity, has left me and I feel so astray, I feel so forsaken!

The Surge!

The rise and fall of each tide,

Like the ebb and flow of life,

As each wave comes crashing down,

Bringing with it a taste of salty ground.

To cleanse the heart and run free,

Unburden the pain and leave the grief,

To settle the core and bring harmony,

Know for sure that their love had no meaning.

The need to be with the sea,

To awake next to ripples calling,

The yearn to swim in the blues,

And calm this burning heart into.

Celestial!

In reverence of the cosmos,

For it guides the bursting stars,

As it strokes the thumping core,

Proclaims uninhibited and unfeigned more.

A nightfall to remain roused,

Uncovering layers of supposed sin,

A caress of whispers that flows,

An embrace that by no means lets you go.

Reckoning the luminaries in the vault up high,

With ardor in your tone questioning why,

Disconcerting wish upon wish you wish,

Envisioning deliverance of love to squish.

Prime!

I’ve been up since 4 and PMSing and I hate this time because I'm always revisited by memories. I don’t know if we should be thankful to climate change and Global Warming because honestly this June-July, the weather has been so good, it's the one thing that alleviates mood. In the concrete wilderness that we live in, we do so much to embellish our homes. A home is one place where you should feel comfortable in, right? My preference, I totally dislike living in an apartment because I like quaint and delightful cottage styled homes with a garden that you can just devote a little time breathing in. The amity that you obtain when you are encompassed by nature is like no other, because you are in the middle of everything that’s flourishing, blossoming and nurturing. I don’t have a big garden to boast about but the little array of potted beauties I have, craft my mornings with bliss.

I happen to like my early morning tea as per my mood. Someday, it’s as obscure as a dark-roast coffee and somedays, it’s a spicy concoction. Somedays, it’s a weak blend and yet somedays, it’s robust and sustaining. I like to have my tea based upon specified settings. One, the tea needs to be brewed well and two the place where I want to drink it. As per our tradition, we all had morning tea together. All of us are early risers and that’s what I really miss. Conversations over Chai! Even though we sometimes have that experience over facetime but it isn’t the same. Proximity to the ones you love is oh so satiating and indispensable. You want to be close to the ones you love. You want to bask in their presence and even though it might not lead to great things, it might not need words, it just holds immense worth on its own. That's the power of existence.