Gone!

Today was the teravi of my dad's demise. How life changes in a moment rattles me now. In just a matter of 13 days, our lives have changed. Nothing prepares one for the loss of a parent, irrespective of the fact whether they were magnanimous or imperfect. That orphaned feeling you identify with is not something that one is ever prepared for. Even though I was never very close to my father as an adult and may have had my differences but as we sat browsing old pictures and reminiscing, a record of a lifetime came to an end. Whatever said, he was a rockstar! And I realized that I will miss his singing, I will miss his smirk after trying so hard to get him to laugh, I will miss his cooking, that I will miss him. 

All the fights we've had and all our disagreements left me the minute I saw his stiff frame. From the moment he was full of life to the next where he was lifeless, then onto the burning pyre, he turned to ashes, that is a memory I will never forget. And as the last rites were being done even though I was with all of my family, friends and loved ones around me, comforting us, all I could think was the moments in my future that he will never be a part of. The celebrations he will never be a part of, how he will never see me as a bride, never play with my kids, will never be in our family picture. He will never be with us. 

How these past few days have passed in a daze, I've no idea.  So, I guess once again it's time to close another chapter.  Funny thing is, even though there are countless heartfelt condolence messages pouring in, they all keep mentioning how they know that I will get through it but even though I might appear strong, but today am not. Today, I broke down like there is no tomorrow and at that moment I realized that every hand that I ever wanted to hold for perpetuity, has left me and I feel so astray, I feel so forsaken!