Love Thy Cheater!

You know how you read a story and you feel as if numerous emotions bombard your mind. You keep at it for days. You keep holding the experience inside. Even though being unfaithful has become more common, with the growing exposure to social media, there is an increased chance of interactions with a varied people, which further increases the chances of perspectives worldwide. There are then certain boys who like to play with emotions. They are the ones who get an ego boost or a high by making others miserable and using them. Now since social media is a platform that virtually connects you, it’s easier for players to play you. In your life, when you’ve already gone through bitter experiences, you are already vulnerable. When you are healing, you are challenging yourself every day to get better. There are days when you wake up motivated and then there are days that break you further. It’s a task that needs a lot of strength and effort.

I’ve been on virtual world for a while, and even though I come from a place where love was a bad experience, I figured out that love is actually rather pure. It’s the people who corrupt it. There are some people who will destroy the idea of love forever, but like anything that is pure love eventually shines. I’m a believer of the fact that if you are a true person, a good person, people might end up hurting you more, but in a way the reality always comes through. The truth always comes to and when you look back, you realize that even though you were hurt or are hurting, somewhere you are thankful that God has your back. That someone is looking out for you.

Getting out of a bad relationship often turns you into a sceptic. When the hurt is deep-seated, it often makes you aloof and questions the motives of people. There are always various prospects but you don’t let anyone really get to you till you meet that one person, who changes all your definitions and makes you question the path you’re walking on. The love stories on the virtual world are becoming very common, after all love will find its roots where there is a seed. Even a dormant seed but it will. So, let me tell you a little story.

It started off with a battle of words, and over days the paths of two people crossed and over the months that followed, their lives entwined. This girl had actually began thinking and hoping that she had finally found a man who she could rely on, who was a hard worker, an honest man with character and substance. A man she could be proud of, a man she could stand together with through thick and thin because he had his share of pain, or so she was made to believe. She was drawn to him like no other. He needed solace and she wanted to give it to him, willingly and yet again fate made her choose a rough and broken path. She thought of ways to make his dreams come true, share his pain, make him happy, love him in all the right ways for who he was today- as messed up as he could be. She won’t deny that he told her upfront that he never wanted a commitment and like every love sick deluded girl, she thought things might change as he kept her believing that he was falling for her.

You know how you meet someone and you feel you can see their soul, their words make you shiver, reach your core. You connect with them on all levels. Once she knew that she had fallen for him and things were getting serious, he started ghosting her, pushed her away, fought with her. It took a lot of emotional toll on her. She always was of the belief that what is hers, stays with her and she valued that privacy so she never shared details about him with anyone because somewhere she did not want to share him with anyone. The only way for her to vent was to write. Every time she poured her heart out, he seemed to come back. She felt that hope came back with him too. Mind you, by this time, she had not known his identity much, just basic stuff, as he refused to send her his complete pictures or give his information, and for which she never pushed him. Over the months, all the ghosting acts pulled her into a cyclone of depression. She had told him the things that hurt her, all her vulnerabilities, her secrets and her demons, the things that scared her the most and he started playing her on every single one of those facts.

Finally, one day she decided to leave, when she had enough, when her tears mattered no more and when she knew that she would only be an virtual affair. When you want a person, you like them or when they matter to you, you crave their physical presence. Their touch, their voice, their embrace, their kisses, everything matters. When she left to sort her head, to escape the misery that was eating her alive, he started to emotionally blackmail her again and again, used jealousy knowing how it hurt her when she felt unwanted or helpless, started mind games and all that is evil in this world. Instead of all that he made her go through, she still laid her complete and utter trust, faith and love in him, but he proved to her yet again that one can't ever be quite sure. She laid out her entire life in front of him, naked as it comes. All of her secrets, bared her raw heart, soul and body, held him close to her heart and he ripped it vein by vein. She let him into her life, made him a part of it, prioritized him over many, held him like he wanted to be held, waiting at the drop of a hat for him to ask for her love and give a little of it in return. She thought she was the unlucky one, thinking that love isn't meant for her and believed his lies. And look what he did, look what he turned out to be. 

She had her suspicions; turns out he had lied to her yet again. She found his real identity, confronted him and he changed his story. A story, that came straight out of a book. She knew it was a lie but she played along, waiting to see the extent of the web of his lies he would weave. She wanted to see how much a person can use the other, and decided to ask him to meet and end whatever relationship they were in. He kept delaying it and as usual, left. Again, the mind games, the emotional blackmail, all of it began. The vicious cycle sucked her in again. Meanwhile, he created another virtual account and got her attention, so she waited. One day he wrote the words meant for her, the same, and you know when you love a person, you really get to know them. For some reason, he came back and when she confronted him, as usual he left again.

When she had lost all hope, he decided to send her an email saying he missed her and all that, came back and when she opened her heart to him again, told her how much she’s hurting, waiting for him to for once in his life give her peace, he left for good. You know when something is not right; you can feel it in your bones. So, she waited again and guess what she found? He is a player, while he sent her an email saying he misses her, he’d been busy with the rest of the world. Targeting numerous women in the virtual world, where she thought she was the only one. So they all start talking and her world crashes to bits. No one will know what she went through, the hell she survived. After she came to know about all that he did, the thought of abusing him plenty did ring a bell but then she decided he’s not worth it. If he didn't care for her tears, played all the mind games with her, gave her pain, lied to her , cheated on her with other women, he truly is a heartless man. On the pretext of a broken heart, he broke many others. How is this even right?

He should just stick to fucking people who want to be fucked with and not those who are vulnerable. Was she not broken enough that he had to hammer her down to rock bottom? How sick is he mentally that he likes to live like that? How gruesome does one have to be to fuck people over like this? He claimed to fall for her, love her. Torment her by his ghosting acts. Told her it was not meant to be, but when she said her goodbyes, he didn’t want it end and confirmed that he never wanted a goodbye. All that was for what? Is his ego satisfied? Is he happy? Does he feel proud that he ruined another girl? Got another trophy in his bizarre head? She was ready to be his if he’s just have her because some deluded part of her thought she should fight for what they had for if at all it slipped she’d regret it for all her life.  Thank God it was all a sham! She craved the day she would meet him so she can show him how much she loves him, and leave if that's what he wanted till everything is clear. Just for sex, a few minutes of satisfaction, he derailed her life. He always used to say that he’s a bad omen, but he’s just a commitment phobic, spoilt brat, a player who uses women, who one day will end up heading someone else. He ruined her nights and days. She was unwell because of him, took antidepressants because of him. He knew what hurt her the most and he still did it anyway. He liked to her me vexed in pain. Having gone through such pain once, no one wants it again.

If destiny fucked him over, maybe karma is there. He told stories about his ex each time using a different name, but if the stories were real, maybe they made the right choice of not choosing him. Or maybe those stories were a lie too. Maybe he fucked them over too. He likes to play with hearts and emotions, what good does it bring him? That she will never know. Does he hate the world so much that he can't distinguish good from bad. That left, he continued to lie to her and give her pain. What wrong did she do him? Why did he make her suffer? Is this how his parents have raised him? Are these the morals they gave him? She will never know.  

She never imagined he would turn out to be this deceitful monster. He destroyed people's faith in love. She loved him so much that she would have overcome anything, even the lies but he’d been fooling around in the virtual world or in reality ( on a trip to Leh or London), or with other girls online, maybe other accounts and don’t know who else, because the list of names is increasing. He made her feel so used, played and cheap. He swore on his maa at times. What kind of prick is he? She was waiting for him and he went right ahead screwing women left right and center, while he chatted her up and sent her email confessing that he missed her, it was just a play. Agreed he didn't want a commitment with her but he completely wiped her existence in his life, infront of other women. He fucked her over, but he used the same lines, same pictures for other girls and told them to delete the ones he sent them and then he continuously claimed that he didn't play and use her. With others he gave his number, wanted to Skype with others and with her he never gave her his number, only  Viber and BBM, which  was also a bit too much? He promised other girls that he will travel to places to meet them, fly to make it work and what about her, when she kept begging him to meet her? How she needed for him to meet her. But he wasn’t “convinced enough”!!

All this while, she kept wondering certain things over and over. Did her "words" ever appeal to him? Did her "feelings or care" ever had any affect on him? Did her love for him even matter? Did he ever even have any feelings for her? Why did he come back then? If at all he did, why did he not want a goodbye? Why did he take a picture from outside her work place? Took the effort to get a prized gift which never really came to her, but still? Why did he give her hope that he loved her, cared for her? Did he want to torture her further? Was anything about them ever even real? Ever? He even had the audacity to tell to other women that no one had appealed to him in a long long time, how he could fall in love with them because it was "that (insert the woman’s name) person", his "hunch" about them that they were special, how their voice made him fall for them, then what was she? Were her delights not relentless? Was him running into her not good luck? Oops her bad, now she knows, she was just another thing to be used at his convenience. How many girls did he mention to that he likes them? Did he get a personalized gift them them too? Did they wake up to care for him? Did they cry oceans for him? May he never know a thousand deaths every day for every tear she’s spilled because of him! 

But then she thought that maybe it's her. Maybe because "she’s not gorgeously twisted and godly innocent", yeah maybe that's it. Maybe since he believed that nobody has ever written this way or any other way for him. Maybe the words she bled on paper weren't enough! Maybe she wasn't the right kind of symphony playing in his thoughts. Maybe she never made him laugh. Maybe she never made him reach heights or climax. Maybe her hand wasn't enough to pull him back and comfort him in an embrace. Maybe her whispers weren't soft enough. Maybe she’d never melt in his mouth but stuck in his throat. Maybe her stories were never written in his books, and her words never connected with his. Maybe he never liked her. Maybe he never wanted to write her. Maybe she never appealed to his dark senses or intellectual ones. Maybe when she slept, dreaming of him, he went to the next one and the next one. Maybe she was never his habit.  Maybe all her nights and days devoted to him were never right. Maybe he never missed their nights to his bones. Maybe he thought that she’d not had enough torture in the past and he wanted more. Maybe he likes to use women as objects because of his self-esteem issues. Maybe he’s a man who needs variety. Maybe one woman is not enough. Maybe she wasn't the right one, maybe he lied when her said all those things to her. 

After all that information, she thought she’d hate him but guess what she pities him. He  washes his hands of love and hurts others and destiny keeps screwing him. He doesn’t even see the corollary in that. Karma is a bitch and she is doing him right. She just hopes that one day, may he not end up having a daughter who gets played, used and abused by a man she really loves. May she not cry her heart and soul out for an insufferable man, may her family and friends not see her break down. May she not hurt in the love she has for a heartless man. 

To top it all, he isn't a dumb guy. He’s a mature man. He’s quite intelligent and has a prestigious job (there are doubt’s regarding that too now). If he’s taken an oath to protect people for Gods sake, where are his ethics and morals? Does he think that since he has this respected job and a title, he is God. Well screw that title and what is left of after it is a spoilt, heartless, sadist, egotistical man. Not everyone in life goes for title or money.  What good is all his money and prestige if he’s not an honourable man? Not everyone is a person who uses the other. She is an independent woman, all she needed was love, trust, loyalty, security that a person will be hers, a shoulder she could rest her head on and those are the things he betrayed her on. All of those, one by one! 

It’s often easy to create a scandal these days in the virtual world but you see there are decent and ethical people left in the world. Were the tears she cried not enough? Did he want to torture her more for loving him? Here she thought his words belonged to her, were about her, about them and their love, turns out, it was about others too. Each one would think it was for her, what a brilliant play of words. Knowing the truth still, she thanks him for some really beautiful memories and some excruciatingly painful lessons and tears. It was truly a harsh and hard lesson. One that she thinks now was very much needed by her. She tends to trust people soon, opens up to people soon, she is a good person and feels that people are good. They may be suffering which might alter them a little, but they are still good. She couldn’t be more wrong. This is an attempt to write this story because I want to come back and read this over and over and maybe even make any girl dear to me read it so that no one can cheat the, use them and play them as it takes a lot out of a person. A genuine person, that is. If you cannot respect that persona and their feelings towards you, you don’t deserve them.

And to top it all, for some fucked up reason she still has immense care/love for him, she still waits for him to answer all the questions in her head, even though she knows it isn’t going to happen. She still wishes that he finds whatever it is he’s looking for so that he no longer hurts people who really care for him and bring on bad karma. 

I always have believed though that those who love you truly, will make an effort to stay with you. So, free your love, if he comes back, he is yours and if he moves on with someone else and comes back, he was never really yours.