UGH!!!!!

UGH. Just UGH. I’m a relatively tolerant person when it comes to dealing with shit. Why? Because I’m stupid most times. I give more, I do more, I care more and I love more. Like seriously. I have this strange habit of bringing everyone together. I joined work, and got all the team together, and still ended up with assholes. I plan meets with friends and make sure people are together. I hate being a good person at times. Yea I know it brings my subconscious no chaos but is it worth it? There are people who still end up hurting me and not really making up for it. I ignore it, I keep ignoring it.

I was so mad yesterday. Like bubbling mad. This ex colleague of mine I dislike so much it’s not even funny had landed back to work. What you do on your own time and by yourself I have no problems with but you invade into my territory, you start a war. Now, I was genuinely nice to her. She was supposedly “shy and reserved” HA! I have got to stop mothering and caring for people. I am not even fucking Mother Teresa reincarnate.  All these women who were here initially were so dry. I came in; first I don’t understand why people begin to copy my style. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD. Dude, like why can’t you get an identity and stop infringing on mine. I feel like a doppelganger keeps following me around. It’s almost like me where ever I go. My style, the lipsticks I wore, my hairstyle, my type of jewelry and then she stole my work ideas, bitched about me. Why do people have double standards? I hate that I can stoop low. I just cut back, I let go and completely. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing but once it’s in my heart to let go, I do it. I don’t ever look back. I’ve lost some people over it but its ok. I think people are meant to come and go in your life. The ones who want to stay make sure that they stay.

Anyway, so one fine day I happened to see a picture of MY TO-DO list as she was showing me some images on her phone. I know it’s a silly little thing but who does that? I felt as though my aspirations and dreams have been stolen. My path for my life had been taken away. I hate that, I hate it when people rob me of sanity. I’m the kind of person who gives everyone 3 chances, and once I’m done with you, I AM DONE. You don’t exist anymore for me. It was a very personal list, wherein I had detailed my life out. What I wanted to do and how I wanted to proceed. She stole it. That knocked my brains out. I’ve left 23 years of friendship; I’ve cut back on people I loved. I help people. You want my help, I’m the first person to come to your aid but if you play me, I will not tolerate that. The only thing I’m only ever mad about is why Karma doesn’t fuck such people up. When will that happen? Maybe being a bad person does help you survive in this world. Maybe I should turn into one.