Let me tell you this, 4 shots of JD and my mind works overtime. So, what do you do when you get tired of overthinking and over analysing a person's behaviour? Over and over, the mind just keeps working, it's like a tsunami of thoughts, words, actions, feelings, everything that keeps pouring in at the same time. I mean, how much can a person even think regarding a futile situation when one is aware of the fact that there is absolutely nothing that can be done except endure the pain inflicted upon you by someone you incidently care for, keyword being 'you'. I thought I had suffered my due share of heartbreak forgetting the one I loved. To love and begin to unlove again, that is taking a toll on me. My heart feels so smashed and cheated. It feels like a hand is trying to drown me.
When destiny is not kind to you, all you can do is mourn and everyone tells you to just cut your losses. Unloving someone is easier though when you know they don't give a rats ass about you. When they don't even bother keeping their word. When you are treated badly. It's all in your head then you have to deal with it, find a way that works for you. When you finally realise that you were always just a play thing for them, you shouldn't even expect some peace from that person, what else can you expect? You were clearly never their priority, this level of immaturity and selfishness in a person cannot even be measured. It was forever their choice to hurt you, to get what they want from you without your sentiments in their mind. When you are lied to, cheated, disrespected, hurt, betrayed you'd think you would hate that person and yet it's so tough to extinguish the care you feel for them. The fact that you still bother for them haunts you even more since they don't even have a speck a guilt in their conscience. This is what makes you keen to get out, move on.
When destiny is not kind to you, all you can do is mourn and everyone tells you to just cut your losses. Unloving someone is easier though when you know they don't give a rats ass about you. When they don't even bother keeping their word. When you are treated badly. It's all in your head then you have to deal with it, find a way that works for you. When you finally realise that you were always just a play thing for them, you shouldn't even expect some peace from that person, what else can you expect? You were clearly never their priority, this level of immaturity and selfishness in a person cannot even be measured. It was forever their choice to hurt you, to get what they want from you without your sentiments in their mind. When you are lied to, cheated, disrespected, hurt, betrayed you'd think you would hate that person and yet it's so tough to extinguish the care you feel for them. The fact that you still bother for them haunts you even more since they don't even have a speck a guilt in their conscience. This is what makes you keen to get out, move on.
One day you have to realise that only you can stop the hurt. You have to console your own heart however you can because it keeps bleeding. You keep trying to stitch pieces of it together to somehow make it whole again, free again from this immense pain that you feel. You have to stab it over and over so that love that you have for a person bleeds out of you. The hope of gaining some sanity or for that matter even respect from the other person is out of the question. It's tortuous when your affection doesn't die out on its own, you have to murder it. Why? because you invested more, you cared more, you loved more and so you have to deal with the brunt of the pain. You have to train your mind to not think about that someone. You have to make all the extra effort that needs to be done in order to attain a sense of normality again. You have to distract yourself.
It's tough to survive in this world when you operate out of your heart. You learn lessons the painful way and you accept everything that the fate offers. You cannot question it, you cannot oppose it. You write your pain with the ink of tears, page after page, day after day. That somehow never runs out. Dreams turn into nightmares and it hurts so much and yet you have to keep up with life. The battle between the want, the need, the truth and your heart, is the toughest battle of all. You engage in that war alone at night when you are with yourself, your thoughts, your emotions. So, you breakdown every night and pick yourself up every morning again, piece by piece, gluing each shattered dream to survive another day with a smile of your face.
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