I bring about my own misery, imagine that. The things that affect me the most remain with me for a long time and they are often difficult to recover from. I do manage it but then it takes a while for me to be completely okay with things. I often think that the decisions I make in life are because of a certain moral grounding that I have and I know that is what gets me in to trouble. I can easily just follow my whims and fancies but the burden of guilt post that is something that I just cannot live with.
For example, in life I have let go of people who do not do me justice, even though we've shared really close moments together or have been friends since a long time. In case of relatives, I'm the one who speaks out and even though I am the younger clan, I still stand up for what I believe in. It may not be accepted in the best of spirits but that's okay. In case of my family, even though I'm the youngest I've always been treated like I'm the oldest when it comes to decision making or doing certain things in the absence of my siblings or in presence of. That's a huge burden to carry.
In case of love, with the first love of my life, I could have prioritized myself (which I've learnt now I should) and let him go to hell, instead I was the one who gave my 100% and suffered 110%. Agreed, he also had a hard time, I mean five years would have meant for something. In another failed attempt at love, even though I loved the person really really a lot, I chose to do the right thing. It hurt like a bitch but I had to do it.
It hurts to see your love being abused so much, eventually you do get tired of it. Seeing him doing right by others and wrong by me, treating me in the worst possible manner, it all hurts a lot but it's a decision I took and I alone have to live with the consequences. I have no one to blame but me. I've been suffering for two years now and it's eased up a little but still, it hurts. At work, I instantly fall into the trap of being overworked, maybe because I cannot say no or since I do good work it comes to me but again, I am the one who is worked the most without the credit that I deserve.
In case of love, with the first love of my life, I could have prioritized myself (which I've learnt now I should) and let him go to hell, instead I was the one who gave my 100% and suffered 110%. Agreed, he also had a hard time, I mean five years would have meant for something. In another failed attempt at love, even though I loved the person really really a lot, I chose to do the right thing. It hurt like a bitch but I had to do it.
It hurts to see your love being abused so much, eventually you do get tired of it. Seeing him doing right by others and wrong by me, treating me in the worst possible manner, it all hurts a lot but it's a decision I took and I alone have to live with the consequences. I have no one to blame but me. I've been suffering for two years now and it's eased up a little but still, it hurts. At work, I instantly fall into the trap of being overworked, maybe because I cannot say no or since I do good work it comes to me but again, I am the one who is worked the most without the credit that I deserve.
Sometimes I really want to do things the way others do, with lack of disregard for others feelings or without any morality but then what I want to know is how do they cope with the guilt or rather how do they not acknowledge that guilt. I really want to know, maybe in learning that way of life, I can be happy with my decisions, because honestly, I'm just sick of crying.
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