Just a Thought!

There is just some soul satisfying joy you get when you find yourself gifting or choosing a gift for someone. Being thoughtful about them is one of the simplest of ways to show them that you care about who they are and what they like. When you think of gifting someone for any occasion it requires you to think about the fact that it should be something that will really be cherished by that person for a long time to come, hopefully. A lot of time, formalities seem to go into the process of gifting. It doesn't matter how big the present is, but unless it holds a good thought behind it, it's of no emotional value.

Diwali is one of these apt time for gifts, to let someone know that you care. The shopping typically starts from a month before and even though the gift wrapping process is tiring, it's totally worth it when you give it across and they love it. So, next time you are out to pick a gift for someone, wait a minute, think about what you want to pick for them. Think about what they really would like and then buy it. Take some time in making it look so beautiful that the moment someone lays eyes on it, they fall in love with it. A thought goes a long way, trust me!

Mission Exploration

People always end up debating whether they are a sea person or a hill person. I, on the other hand, can proudly say that I'm one of the most ardent followers of the great Poseidon as are my fellow peeps. There is something about the ocean though; the calmness of it, the depth of it or the torrential lapping, that makes you feel right at home. The ocean has forever been my weakness and when it comes to sandy shores, scintillating Goa is one of the places that runs through your mind (other options include Kovalam, Kerala or Diu or Bora Bora or Maldives or Ko Samui....possibilities are endless).  Even though I’m still contemplating how I want to write this blog out, as in should I proceed day wise or beach wise, I think I’ll just go with flow. 

The first thing to do when you are planning a trip to Goa is to choose the right season for your visit. If you think that it's an all year around affair, think again. Last time, I visited Goa sometime in April and I wouldn’t suggest that particular time for reasons very simple, it was DAMN HOT and ZERO HOT MEN. For that matter, October (even though it's the start of the season) there isn't much crowd and it gets pretty hot in the afternoons. But still the season begins to set in so you don’t end up missing certain places, which are operational during the season and but of course the best part is not to get stuck during the rains. If you are a avid traveler I suggest you plan an itinerary, a sneak look at ours for reference if you need some inspiration. The sample itinerary is quite extensive, just because we wanted to explore the place as much as we could (and no, we are not crazy hipsters).

Since there was so much of Goa that I hadn’t explored the last time I was there, I decided to really invest my energy in planning (yes OCD hits me every now and then), and we ended up exploring a whole lot of North Goa. There are still places that we missed due to the time crunch but hey it's not like it's a one time trip anyway right.

Figure it out!

When anyone talks of Goa, you know what that usually means, and that usually is - "just head to the beach dude or relax dude". But there are two types of holidays, one in which you just chill (which I did the last time) and one where you soak in the destination in its entirety (which I did this time). Guaranteed to be stressful, though such vacations let you experience a destination like it's meant to. You do not visit the place as a tourist, no sir, you become a part of the city. So, let’s start from the beginning.

Leave your foot prints behind!

The best way to travel in Goa I would suggest is to hire a vehicle and drive around. We drove about 500 kms in this trip and it was totally worth it. You can hire a scooty but be comfortable in driving around in it because we did witness a couple of accidents and hence the tip. Also, if you are a group of people, especially an odd number, do hire a car, you know, more rational.

One thing I realized while driving around in Goa is that if the GPS says 5 Minutes, it literally is 5 minutes unlike Delhi which has traffic for 3 mins and 2 minutes’ worth of time, so I suggest if it’s a long drive, prep yourself well. You know get the perfect music ready, plenty of water and snacks and oh yeah KEEP THE CAR CHARGER WITH YOU. 

Also as suggestions are happening, hire a small car (even though I was dying to drive Thar - such a bad ass car that is) but it was a good call since the roads are pretty narrow with lots of twists & turns, and unless you plan on getting stuck, you better opt for a small car. The roads near the beach are practically mud and you may end up having a bit of an off-road experience, so drive well and not under the influence of alcohol. 

But one of the things that you must not visit is as you drive through the streets, you cannot, rather should enjoy and fall in love with the Villas that make the place even more architecturally breathtaking, scenic and splendid. Such grandiose places to live, it's almost too beautiful to live in. 

Day 1, was chaotic because you know being girls we needed more than a week to pack (especially when you’re heading to the beach), the shopping of course started even before the bookings, and finally when the D-day arrived, pick-ups happened, which again is something that am sure at least the driver of our cab enjoyed the most. The trip to our destination was totally filled with charged energy, that almost was felt by everyone. In fact, we were so in the Goa mood that even the cabin crew knew and asked if they might join in.

So, coming back to mission mode, let’s begin with temples in Goa (Yeah, you heard me right), you’ll be thinking right at this very moment, is this girl crazy? I kid you not but the Hindu culture is as deeply rooted in Goa as is Christianity. We could only manage one temple though, the famous Shanta Durga temple as we didn’t want to visit any after that but it was a beautiful temple with brilliant craftsmanship. Quite a known temple, if you are a devout Hindu (MUST VISIT).

In case you want to visit more temples, a list for reference (highlighted ones are the famous ones) maybe because of historical reasons or the architectural beauty and most definitely if you are a history freak. The only other temple we saw was the Rudreshwar temple in Harvalem Falls but it's under renovation so you cannot really look around.

Our beautiful abode this time around was The Tamarind. A beautiful boutique hotel with every bit of the sea and the sun amalgamated into elegance - That's Tamarind for you. A quiet place with gorgeous Greek inspired architecture.  It's a haven for relaxation and fun. Closer to Anjuna beach and St. Micheal's church, the property is over 100 years old and is the perfect villa that you can spend some time in. The place is known to host gigs and the staff is quite courteous (who even offer to help arrange some weed for you :p). 

The suite we stayed at had a gorgeous pool view with a patio that you can chill. Service is exemplary and the best thing is that since it is a boutique hotel it helps you settle in better, there aren't any snooty rich folks. We loved our room, it was just this pleasant shade of the sun. Comfy beds, all of the amenities needed, though the only thing I did miss was a bath tub.

The location of Tamarind is quite central and from the hotel you can reach a total of 4-5 beaches in under 20 mins (by car, even though they do offer free bikes). The food is yummy but that shall be covered in another blog. The place is known for its desserts though (THE BANOFFEE PIE is a must try). Breakfast is a time where you can enjoy the serenity of the place, indulge in finger licking food and charge yourself for the day. There is a lady who plays the sitar and you actually can feel your senses calming down and you enjoy the ambience and the food more. The owner is quite a social lady who makes you feel right at home, and we got special attention as always :p

One of the cutest little things about this place is the concept of a Wish Bowl. You are supposed to pick out a message at the end of your trip, a token ( or advice or a guidance) that you can take with you when you leave the place and trust me it was apt for everyone of us.

Another glorious thing about any place situated right next to the sea is the opportunity to go on a cruise. Whether it's Kerala backwaters or gliding away in a Gondola in Venice or sun bathing on a yacht, whatever be your fancy. A cruise in Goa offered by Goa Tourism like a one-time visit thing, which you can avoid totally as it is quite substandard (actually below average). We went ahead with the Dinner cruise (wrong choice), the entertainment was quite boring, the DJ very very boring, the food – horrible. Entertainment was okay...ish.

If you really want to go for a cruise, suggest you take a boat ride instead, because no matter what said and done the feeling to be cruising along with a night breeze is amazing, I suggest you opt for the sunset cruise instead. It’s an hour long cruise and you may end up enjoying the sunset (not really an idyllic place to click pictures) but you will love the feeling of breeze caressing your skin, playing with your hair and merging with the rhythm of the ocean.

Coming back to the main part of the Goa visit - THE BEACHES. When it comes to the ocean, there is no end to writing about what all it makes you experience. Each beach has a very different experience and an ambiance attached with it. The most popular beaches in Goa are plenty but I guess it totally depends on what your motive is. For me, I like secluded, picturesque beaches so you can truly center yourself and enjoy the beauty of the ocean and get a little bit naughty with your honey. 

There are over 30 discovered beaches in Goa which are highlighted by many websites like Miramar, Baga, Calangute, Morgim (turtle beach), Candolim,  Dauna Paula, Sinquerin, Anjuna, Ashwin etc. however there are a lot many undiscovered gems if you go by google maps for instance Grandmother’s hole beach and Oxdel Beach (these are closer to the airport), these are the ones that leave you in awe. Best beaches in Goa are made popular because of the renowned shacks but the crowds that haul towards these beaches just make it quite a horrid experience. Miramar and Dona are just a big NO. Amongst the popular beaches there are certain quite places as well like Chapora beach (which looks beautiful from Chapora fort), Arambol beach (more of cliffs here and hot spring and deposits from the sea which is great for the skin). Even though we could manage to explore most of north Goa, I guess it will be worthwhile to go and explore south Goa next.

Note to the reader – DO NOT WASTE MONEY ON DOLPHIN WATCHING; rather invest in good quality water sports if you are adventurous or get a massage (must do) on the beach. You need to give yourself at least one or two days (preferably all days) of beach time, you know get the tan going, soaking in the sun, breathing in the ocean smell, that kinda stuff.

Day 2, was more of a sightseeing trip and oh boy was it worth it. Old Goa is one of the best places to explore the Portuguese culture and heritage. It is also known as Vedha (meaning 'old' in Portuguese), was created in 15^th Century by the Bijapur Sultanate and it fits the bill completely if you are a history buff. Being the capital city during the time of Portuguese India, the city rests many churches and covenants from around that time. So, you can imagine the history that it holds in the 21^st Century. The architectural styles being very typical of Renaissance and Baroque, which bring about intense allure to the place offering a glimpse into the past that you can soak in the present. Many places in old Goa labelled as the “Rome of the East or Golden Goa”, have been tagged by UNESCO as World Heritage Sites. The workmanship in some of the churches or the ruins for that matter is breathtaking. Magnificent and mammoth structures can be found all over the state but some important ones are Basilica of Bom Jesus, Ruins of St. Augustine, St. Catetan, Panaji church, Church of St Francis of Assisi, St . Micheals church (which was closer to our place though the others presented quite a bit of a drive yet totally worth it), Chapel of St Catherine, Our Lady Immaculate church and St. Inez church are worth a visit. 

If you are driving in Goa, I suggest you use google maps to chalk out the distances and decide what place you want to visit in an order you don’t end up wasting time since most of the eating joints close up about 3:30 pm and reopen at 7:00 pm. We really wanted to cover State museum of Goa but I guess you can only do so much. The State museum has roughly 12 galleries which feature the Christian Art Gallery, furniture gallery, sculptures, contemporary art, freedom struggle of Goa etc. which am really sad that I missed especially the sculpture gallery which hosts 4^th century relics made of bronze and hand carved stone sculptures. The Numismatic gallery is supposedly a must visit for people who love coins and medals, as it holds treasures from various decades.

If you visit Goa how can you not visit the forts of Goa. There are 7 forts in totality, though we only managed to cover 2.  Forts have this royal aura which also reflect a chequered history of a place. Forts are usually of great political and historical importance and a must visit if you are a sucker for a great view. 

We could only manage visit Aguada and Chapora fort, which kind of were in the vicinity of wherever we were. Aquada fort (which means water in Portugese) is one of the best preserved forts of the Portuguese Bastion in Goa.  It was built in 1612 to protect northern shores of Mandovi from Dutch and Marathas. It still houses the central jail which can be seen if you take a dolphin ride down at the sea. The fort extends to Sinquerim beach, a very picturesque spot especially with the old lighthouse erected in the 19^th century (1864), the oldest in Asia. The Chapora fort (popularly known as the place where Dil Chahta hai  was filmed), also known as Shahpur was built by the Shah of Bijapur was built to watch over Hindu raiders.

Suggest you visit Chapora Fort early morning for a spectacular view and DO WEAR SPORTS SHOES, we wore beach slippers and had to pay the price. There is so much history to this fort having rebuilt about thrice but even though it lies in ruins today the view is spectacular.

Day 3, and we were ready for an adventure. One of my pals really wanted to do Dudhsagar because it's one of the most scenic waterfalls in India but that’s like a day trip and we had loads of things already listed out.  There are close to 8 waterfalls that one can visit in Goa. We managed to do Harvalem waterfalls which is absolutely pleasing to all of your senses. In a way, Goa really reminds me of Srilanka as it has the best of both worlds, beaches to hills, just perfect really (not to forget the incredible yummy food). 

The fall is about 50 meters and apparently the best time to visit is from October to March and is convenient from North Goa . Others that are worth a visit are Sada falls, Nevtravali falls, Kuskem falls, Tambdi Surla falls and Kesarval falls which you can cover as well.

Arvalem caves, which is like a 5 minute drive from the falls, really aren’t that much so I suggest you head straight to the falls and you can spend some time just blissfully aware of your surroundings.

Enough of the history lesson now and who are we kidding, the best place to PARTY is GOA! A place is usually a happening party spot because of two things and two things only – great DJ and a great crowd, rest everything just sorts itself out. One of the best and number 1 club at the moment (as we were told by the locals) is LPK: Love, Passion and Karma.  

The view is quite nice as it’s situated aptly on water front. The place is complete with romantic terracotta sculptures. The place does get a little crowded by the end of it and they could do with a bigger dance floor but if you have some kickass company, you’ll rock it. 

There was a rotation of 3 DJs so you can continue to party till 4 in the morning as opposed to 1 a.m. Delhi time. Another upcoming joint these days is Club Cubana, again more of lounge feel. 

  
Tito’s was disappointing as ever but it did give us some good laughs. Tito’s lane is also okay depending on how and what kind of crowd walks in, it’s actually pretty okay if you just wanna chill by the beach in the shacks or at a pub with pals (free shots for ladies is a perk). There are other clubs like SinQ, Cohiba, Café Mambo, Waters beach lounge and grill which you can check out. 

Moving on to the good things in life, how can I miss shopping in Goa? I mean that has to be one of the things you just have to do when in Goa.  During peak season you can check out various flea markets in like Anjuna, Saturday Night Market or Apora Market, Mapusa Market, or Calanguate market square along with the string of many shops that you find along the road sides but I would suggest completely different things. If you are into flea market products, do go but haggle. The Tibetan market is okay in case you are looking at exotic (read highly overpriced) pieces, metal jewellery, beach dresses, swim ware, local stuff, fridge magnets, bla bla BUT what you should buy are these babies.

1. Dry fruits and Spices – A must buy when in Goa. Cashews and spices are grown here, you can directly source it. There are some cashew sweets (yummy) that you can pick up but beware of the boxes being half empty. Goa has spice gardens and dry fruit plantations which you can visit if you want to go directly to the source.
2. Alcohol – Feny and Port wine. Enough said.
3. Furniture – Surprisingly, there are a lot of furniture shops in the city and they do some seriously awesome wood work. You can even pick up handmade raw wood figurines from Mapusa market.
4. Tiles – Now I personally love Mario de Miranda’s work. And there is a special market where you can get tiles with his work or other work as cheap as Rs. 20 per tile (I so wanna buy these when I have my own place). These are hand painted tiles that are so beautiful that you just cannot stop yourself from buying. You can even get the tiles framed and use as is but they are so worth it. One of the places is the Azulejos de Goa Gallery in Panjim located in 250 year old Indo - Portuguese home, it’s very close to St. Inez. A MUST VISIT!
5. Food- If you are a foodie and love to cook and feed people, you have to go to the Panjim local market, it’s almost like a complex with fruits, vegetables, spices, flowers, clothes, souveniors etc you name it and they have it. One of the shops there caters to us the foodies. You can pick up premade masalas, very goan ( cafreal, Xacuti, Vindaloo) etc. at a very reasonable rate and enjoy Goa cuisine right in your home.

All of this experience has lead me to strengthen my belief in the pleasures of wanderlust. It not only does wonders to your soul, it heals it. It makes you believe in living once again, being happy once again. I guess after all, it is worth it, every penny you spend on it because the return is what makes you richer, emotionally, physically and spiritually!

Foodie's Paradise!

"You don't need a silver fork to eat good food."

A way to be adventurous and really experience a place in totality is to be a foodie and explore the culinary culture of the place you're visiting.  Food often reflects the people, the traditions of a place and this really says a lot about the place, its produce and in a way, its history. I did a lot of research on this because food essentially needs to be great for you to enjoy a place (and not fall sick and ruin your entire trip) but it has to be an experience that you take with you. Every cuisine that you taste has a very particular set of ingredients which make it typical. Goan cuisine itself sees a lot of influences from Konkani, Portugese, Hindu and fusion styles and like a lot of the coastal cuisines comprises of coconut, seafood, rice and special spicy pastes. Kokum is quite prevalent in Goa as it is in Maharashtrian cuisine (I’m especially fond of it because it is quite tangy). There is just so much to explore since Goa has a lot of vibrant scenic places from shacks, to fine dining to laid back and cosy places to chill.

So, my first tip would be – when in Goa, eat Goan! If you like to experiment and a lot, out of the million places we researched (thanks to Zomato), here are some of our favourite restaurants that we explored and some dishes that we will recommend and are a must try.

Sheela Restaurant

You can typically visit this place on the way from or to the airport. Known for its Goan Cuisine, the staff I found to be was a bit rude and the food is also okayish. Of the things that you should order, we ended up going with the local Goan cuisine which included Chicken Cafreal, Vindaloo dishes, Fish curry and Rice. You can actually afford to miss this place but if not, drown the food with a pint of beer and Welcome to GOA!

Cotinga

This is the restaurant of the boutique hotel we stayed at - The Tamarind. The food is quite delicious, at least the breakfast spread was. The tamarind chutney is a must try though, it's a secret recipe of the chef (trust me I tried so hard so get the recipe). The place is also known for its desserts which is perfect for that midnight snack when you are back home, tired and high. The lady who runs the establishment is particularly very charming and makes the stay excellent. She would serve us food herself and the chit-chat was awesome. It is also one of the places listed for Goan cusine, so can try the local specialties especially the Chicken Biryani. 

Thalassa 

(Book a table 2-3 days in advance and choose the sea view table) : Thalassa is an experience and serves up quite an authentic Greek cuisine. The portions are pretty huge and the view is spectacular if you are lucky to get a sea view especially at sunset (VERY romantic). Bit overpriced though. We had ordered the Fisherman Pasta (a combination of sea food in bechamel sauce), Pork Gyros (so yum) though a lot of people recommended the white chocolate cheesecake, Gelato served with Jameson Irish whiskey, Tuna Dip with Pita Wrap, Village Bruschetta, Feta Cheese Dip and the Calamari Meat Balls as a must try, we did not have the hunger for it. The Jagerbomb though is a must have, along with the Sangria and Thalassa special. The drinks were pretty potent. The place is overcrowded and open only during season, so try to visit around that time.

Mum's Kitchen

The place has a brilliant ambiance. I personally loved the decor of the place and the tile work that they have is extremely beautiful. The little pond just as you enter the place sets in the feels if you know what I mean. We were lucky to get to the place when the dinner rush hadn't started. While we enjoyed some good beer, the staff was hospitable and suggested we order the Peri Peri Prawns with Bao (which I now officially love). A plethora of awards grace the walls of the restaurant. Just order anything Goan and you are good to go. Due to the popularity that it has got, a reservation is a must during dinner time.

Fisherman's Wharf

This was a last minute pick as we were heading to Viva Panjim instead but the timings were off. Someone once had recommended this place and so I thought why not! The place is beautifully decorated. I think we ended up enjoying the ambiance more than we did the food. The staff is a bit rude  (don't know if its a Goan thing) and service wasn't that great either. The best part though was the crowd, lots of fun families who ended up making the atmosphere quite fun. Order Fish Curry and rice, Masala Fried Calamari and swallow it all down with some nice Tap Beer.

Martin's Corner

Love this place for obvious reasons - AUTHENTIC GOAN FOOD. I had my first shark experience here and man that was yummy. Another local food joint that you must explore. Tucked away in a little corner near the Colva Beach, the food is amazing and definitely order the shark, Pork Vindaloo, Port Wine when here and caramel custard. Apple pie for me was a bit of a let down but when you have alcohol with it, anything works.

A Reverie

Pre-book as it's all the rage these days in Goa. This place has been topping the charts for a while now due to the creative expression that they bring to their food. The food itself is okayish but the presentation makes you just look at it (don't, the food will get cold). If you want a fine dining experience in Goa, I suggest reverie. Also, closer to LPK so you can just head out to party after a glorious meal.

Viva Panjim

Please Pre-Book as it's always swarming with people. We had to flash a couple of smiles to get a table since this was our last meal of our Goa trip. The food is one of the best in Goan cuisines and especially try the Panjim Special Chicken, this will leave you drooling ( I swear) but do have it with Bao and not rice. Another favourites that you can try are Pork chilly fry, Sea food sizzler, Pork Vindaloo and Goan fish curry. Do try the Titanic, a must try cocktail.

Brittos

Even though this place is quite famous, the food is kinda okayish. I think the more a place gets popular the more it becomes sub-standard. We ordered the mix sea food platter, pasta, grilled fish which was okay. The caramel custard was quite grainy. You can skip it if you wish.

Anand Bar

Talking of hidden gems, this little place is spectacular. We almost went off-roading looking for this shack called La Plage and since the place was closed and we were famished, we chose this little joint. We finally caught this in the nick of time (the whole 3.30 thing) and ordered the favorites Goan Thali (So scrumptious) and King Fish Rechardo (MUST TRY) and Beer ofcourse and trust me it was worth every tiny bit of it. It's quite a local joint but the place was packed and I know the reason now. It doesn't get any local than this.

Calvalha's Bar & Resturant

While we were moving around in the city, exploring the local markets, we discovered this little place. The food was really delicious. Order Chicken Cafreal (MOST RECOMMENDED GOAN DISH FROM MY END), Masala Calamari (Which had become a staple I guess) as well as Prawn Biryani ( a bit dry). Definitely a must visit plus you get free wifi to keep you occupied.

Tito's

I reiterate that everything that gains popularity need not really live up to the hype. Tito's is another such place. So just stick to the basics, have fun, party and be on your way to better eating places.

Shack Time

I know we had food on this shack, but don't really remember the name for obvious reasons (:p). The shacks along Baga Beach are closest to Tito's lane and you can swing between party places and the beach so it really is quite convenient. Don't expect great food, visibility of the oceanic view is almost zero and there is a lot of crowd who might trouble you but it's good for a snack or two.

Local Delights

As a thumb rule, whenever I go on a road-trip, it is must to try the local dhabas. This is what makes your trip worthwhile. Trust me, just choose a place which isn't too shabby and you're good to go. We were dying for a cup of tea and found this little place run by a woman. The Rava Fish Fry and ginger tea was indeed refreshing.

Other places though that I wanted to try but couldn’t are Curlies, Florentine, Tao, Infantaria, Lloyd’s steak & Grill, Fiesta, Lobster at i-95, Souza Lobo , Sublime, Villa Blanche and so many more that I think Goa can host its own food fest. 

There are so many reasons to not come back to Goa. Maybe even own a quite villa or a place by the beach, or open up a restaurant. Well, that’s the dream!

Inked!

You need motivation in your life because sometimes we settle for what is going on. Most times, the change is introspective, where you want to alter some part of your life that you aren't happy with. But sometimes you are made to change paths, like getting stuck in a twister, where you are sucked into a portal and left stranded somewhere else. For a moment though there is peace between the transition like when you are just under the eye of a tornado, that's the time to brace yourself for maximum impact.

When you have that fire, that drive within you to make change happen, you become unstoppable. All it takes is some strength, some resolution and a whole lot of pain. I have now within me that drive to do whatever I set my mind to. It necessarily may not be a good thing at times because it almost makes me obsessive that I want to achieve it. So, I did the 1. Plan a trip with girlfriends. 2. Take lots of pictures. 3. Forgive old lovers and then came the hardest 4. Get a tattoo. This was something I was so scared of because of the pain (since I have very low threshold for it) but I guess now that I've experienced extensive psychological and emotional pain that getting needles drilled into my skin seemed like a piece of cake. 

A tattoo is a very personal thing as it should be. I’ve been contemplating it not as a fashion statement but as a mark, as a remembrance that I went through hell and survived it, twice. These were the major runs and am not even counting the little ones that I go through time and again. So, the obvious choice was phoenix, for reasons that touch mythology and as well as a chord in my heart. Phoenix, the most popular mythical creature in the Greek Mythology, has the power to be reborn or regenerated. Usually associated with the Sun, it's known to rise out of the ashes of its parent. There are a lot of counterparts of it in various other cultures as well which strengthens the hypothesis that the myth was acknowledged since ancient times by a variety of religions. Egyptians considered phoenix to be a symbol of immortality. Classical Arabian Phoenix was again an immortal bird with mystic powers that attracted even the Gods themselves. In Chinese mythology, the phoenix is the symbol of high virtue and grace, of power and prosperity. It often represents the yin and the yang, and people who wore the phoenix jewellery were to behold high moral values, and were of great importance. Japanese culture believes that phoenix is supposed to represent the Sun, justice, fidelity and obedience. Phoenix for me, is an embodiment of everything that I have been through in my life till now and how I still am alive.

The essential step before you get a tattoo is to establish the will to get it done. It's a huge thing because this is going to be on your body for a long time (yeah I know surgery is an option Smart alec) :/ but this is or at least should mean something to you. Another major decision that needs to be made is figuring out the exact spot where you want to be 'branded' for life. I wanted to get a tattoo on my back since long but I preferred to get it on my wrist instead because I wanted it as a constant reminder of my strength at times when I knew I would feel low or discouraged with life, which in up coming times will be a lot. So I thought that if I will look at it everyday or whenever I am in that zone, I maybe could manage to gather my strength back knowing that I will survive whatever I'm going through and I will come out of it stronger. The tears that were shed during the process were not because of the physical pain, but the release of the emotional onslaught that I've suffered over time. It was almost therapeutic to let myself go and release my anguish that I am harbouring in my heart and mind. I wanted to get a star along the phoenix, wanted to get a string of stars actually but decided on one, since my essence is a star.  

The entire process ended in half an hour but the experience will stay with me for a lifetime. People often look at it and just interpret the tattoo as being beautiful but I know the real meaning behind it. A person however interpreted it beautifully though which was that a Phoenix is known to rise from the ashes, instead he saw it as rising from star dust. Brought a whole new meaning to my tattoo the day I was told about this and made be believe in the possibilities of the human mind being endless and oh so beautiful.

Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust!

"So much of what we learn about love is taught by people who never really loved us." ~ R.H. Sin

I don't know what love is, apart from it being a roller-coaster yet I have read about the beauty of love and believe in it even when all I've experienced is pain. Such contradictory views I have of love now that I dream of the kind of love we all read about, but I'm afraid now of the pain that comes with it. Resolutions are a hard thing to follow through, especially when they propel you towards change. One of my resolutions this year is to heal my soul and forgive the people who I entrusted my heart to and who broke that trust and my mistreated my love ruthlessly. Some days are hard, very hard to get through. So you push yourself to not feel so low. You go out and pamper yourself silly. You force yourself to not remember all that was done to you so don't end up remembering the past and overthink. 

Forgiving someone who has hurt you takes a lot of courage and a lot of perseverance. You have to manage the hurt, the anger, the betrayal and accept it all along with so many other feelings and a whole lot in one go. It's hard enough to suffer one blow and then you get hammered again just when you're about to stand back up. Your strength may shatter during times like these. This wretched feeling in the heart and the pit of your stomach takes over. You feel nauseous and the whole world starts spinning. It's such a disappointment to the heart and the soul that you feel that you’ve hit rock-bottom which is not even in this universe. 

Even though heartbreaks are a part of life, it’s tough to get over the fact that someone has played your kindness and took advantage of your good nature and good heart or broken the immense trust you bestowed upon them. The fact that they exploit you because they know you care for them is the hardest to get over. People come and go, that's the natural order of life but it hurts when you cannot come to terms with how you did not see signs that were visibly there. Sure, the most common response to this is - "love is blind" and it is true to some extent as well. Although, when you are faced with reality and you go back and remember all the conversations you had with the person over the time you finally figure out all the times you were played, that is what angers you the most and surprisingly not towards the other but towards yourself for being such a fool. When you look back, you realize and remember all the times that you should have let go and you didn't because you listened to your heart instead of your mind. How much can you cry for a person who doesn't even care for you? Never challenge yourself that. You have let go but the damn hope never lets you go. You hold on to one thread of hope till that snaps or you decide that you have to break it yourself. 

Two people I’ve really loved from my core, were the ones who ended up hurting me the most. Funny thing is that you never really stop loving someone. You learn to live with their absence or presence and you learn to coexist. The way someone treats you says a lot about them, their integrity. The way they made you feel initially goes for a toss. Always observe how a person reacts when they are angry or faced with a difficult situation. That's the true nature of the person. A fighter, a quitter or a coward. How they leave you in their last moments with you, that's all you remember for life. It stays with you, it transforms how you see them. Because everything else can be faked but actions always speak louder. 

Person 1 - He was my first love and that is always something special and will remain so. No one can change that. It's your first experience of everything, of love, making love, fights, makeups and heartache. It defines the definition of love and relationship for you. Things did not happen the way I hoped they would but now I know that it was a good thing. I said what I wanted to say to him and got things off my chest. The only regret I have when it comes to him was that he should have fought for 'us' a little more. After devoting 5 years of my life, I deserved that at least, even if it was not meant to be. It would have at least left me with some respect for him. This is the only thing I needed to let go of.  5 years or a even a year for that matter of giving yourself to someone, you expect this. It always helps a little knowing that at least I fought for my love till the end. I made efforts that were needed from my end. I have no complaints from me now, no regrets. It's easier to forgive myself and not look back at this with bad memories. I've made my peace with him, forgiven him and forgotten. I'm neither sad nor bothered by him anymore. Even though he will always be a part of me, it just doesn't hurt anymore. It's evolved into an experience.

Person 2- Honestly, I got tired of fighting this battle second time around. I thought I was smarter but I was just as naive as before, even more so because at least person 1 never lied to me about himself. This person made me question humanity but I guess that's what love does to you, it makes you dumb but you have to be cautious of your heart (lesson learned - check). I've learnt that people will take advantage of a good heart. I gave myself another chance to love someone, after denying myself a lot of opportunities because I wanted to be over Person 1 completely. The connect was so strong, the pull was so magnetic or so maybe only I felt it apparently because the intent of the other party was very different. He came across as all the things I wanted and needed in a person I thought I'd be lucky to love and be with someone like him on account of him being (key word- pretending) to be a good, loyal, devoted and an honest man, he laid the trap and I fell. I am the kind of person who will fight to my death for my love but only if it's a clear effort from both ends and if it is real. Turns out he is just a liar and a cheat who doesn't even have his individual personality, he pretended to be that person I fell for really bad, constructed him from all the information I gave out intentionally or unintentionally, matched my likes and dislikes, totally changed to fit into my needs of a person. Hell, he lied to my face, even when he sat right across me and looked me in the eye and kept fabricating his sordid story. I kept taking all the disrespect for a long time because it was him, the guy I really loved, even though he did all the things that he knew will hurt me to the core. I think that's what people like me do (big mistake), keep giving chances till they piss me off real bad. You cannot keep tormenting a person in the name of love, when you know they really care and will be willing to let you in themselves. It became quite obvious over the time that my feelings never mattered to him, he never really cared even a little bit because if he did, his conscience never would have allowed him to hurt me the way he did, over and over. He just wanted to while away his time with me before he moved on to the next addiction. It's very easy to cry out loud that you'll fight for someone or write it in words because in reality you know that you will not, you can't because you don't have the balls to. Forget the expectation of love, respect or care from him, I wasn't even worthy of the truth for him while he was busy creating a family. So, I finally took the decision to let go because I wanted my sanity and my dignity. Even though I want answers of so many 'why's?', maybe somewhere deep down I still do but I know now that they will just be convenient lies again. He gave me no place in his life or heart and instead took a lot of space in mine. I was in agony and he kept weaving traps of words. He became a part of my life and I was just another easy escape for him. I needed to move on from this and I needed my innocence back. I needed to get fine for me. This will take time I guess, plus a LOT of hard work. Sometimes, you have to make an informed decision to not keep making effort and sever all ties and just walk away because you have to choose your battles. No one will ever know how much of will a step like this demands, when you decide to walk away from the person you love, from the reality that they played you, from the fact that all your dreams stand broken, your heart and trust shattered, from the fact that you don't have any right over them, from the fact that you have to deal with this for a long time to come. If this is not courage, I don't know what is. If a person isn’t loyal, is there even a point in believing in a love like that? He will always keep searching for something different and you will never be valued no matter how much you do, no matter how many times you tell them or no matter how much you wish it. Even though the sound of his name still makes my heart beat faster at times and my eyes tear up sometimes but I still have to teach myself to let go because he was never mine to begin with. I want a man and not a wuss. No human should go through such an emotional abuse and betrayal. I was done fighting a conflict with my value system irrespective of how I feel about him. I need to forgive but NEVER forget what was done to me, EVER because no matter what said and done a person rarely ever changes his innate nature. Just let Karma (if there is a thing or so I'm told) deal with it, because I have done all that I can, I have given all that I can. 

Anyway, I’ve tried a lot of things in my lifetime to move on and let go but I needed something solid this time and so I turned to old school solutions. I read about this fire ritual that people have been doing since long and it is particularly (how should I put it) LIBERATING. I’ve written and done a lot of research on Karmic Relationships and have become a firm believer of the concept. The transition from the relationship onslaught to a place of healing is a tough journey. The scientific as well as the atheist community often ridicules a lot of these rituals but trust you me, they work. 

The ritual is pretty simple actually. Some may call it meaningless but trust me it is a powerful tool that will help you transition into the next phase of letting go and welcome a fresh start in your life. It helps you to accept the grief and acknowledge the reality. It helps heal all the deep-seated wounds and move to a place in your mind where you learn to not exist but really live your life. Consider this a brand new openings in your life.

The thing about fire is that it burns the obsolete, helps get rid of the pain and paves way for you to be born again. It's one of the best ways I think to cleanse yourself. The following things need to be done. Choose an apt spot maybe a beach or an open space, whatever calls to you. Then, you need something personal of the love you want to let go, I suggest you take a picture or anything personal of the person you want to move past because it's easier to talk to a picture. Start by choosing a comfortable spot and let your emotions flow. Say a prayer of protection to help surround you and protect you. Practice grounding exercise - it's a way to connect ourselves with Earth. The way to do it is pretty simple. Sit on the beach bare foot and imagine that the bottom of your feet are growing roots deep into the core of the earth, past the sand, the rocks, the layers reaching down to the molten center.  When you connect with the core and pray for negativity to leave your body, you can actually feel connected to nature. Say what you what to the picture, say whatever you wanted to say to them or whatever is in your heart, say it all, don't shy away and burn the picture till it turns to ash. Repeat if you have to. Say a prayer of release, ask for the connect to be burned away by the flames, forgive and make your peace with letting go of whatever love or connect you have with this another soul. Thank the universe for the lessons learned and once the ashes disintegrate, return the ashes to the sea or bury them (if you are not next to a beach). Ask to be cured of the pain (this will take time as you need to work through the cycle of grief completely), but focus on healing yourself. 

Even though I'm still working my way through the grief cycle and I need to cope with my life once more. Trying hard to dust off the bad times but I need to move on because I deserve better. There is no point reliving a dead love. So, I'll let tears cleanse my system again. I need things to reach an absolute end if I have to move on to the next chapter in my life. I need to burn away memories, for them to join the ocean and settle at the depth. There are no more words that need to be spoken, there is no scope for hope. The love have run its course I guess. I can't and won't hate them because I did really love them. That will never change. I just need to make my peace with it and move on. Even though it might take a lifetime to remove traces of people I've loved from my heart and mind, I'll take my chance at life. I'll continue to see the good in life, no matter how much hurt it has given me. Since they didn't even value the love I had for them and gave them, I realize now that my anger won't make any difference either. So, I forgive them even though I know they don't deserve it!

Shalom!