Soaked!

That spell of the year again,

When each instant keeps lingering,

The wait for the heart to clear its bearing,

Hopeless when such days are tainted by memories.

When you sense your heart thudding,

Matching with the consonance and struggling,

To know that the tenderness you yearned so dearly,

Was nothing more than a mirage in the nearing.

They tell you to make an attempt onwards,

But the heart keeps dragging you lower,

The only thing to be done without reason,

Is not to let your mind think far this season.

A Perspicacious Mind!

I love it when a man can hold my attention for more than a couple of days. I’m a sucker for an intelligent mind especially one that makes me go WOW! Given that there are a lot of men out there who have seriously amazing conversational skills but there are very few who can keep up with my outlook. A lot of men keep boasting intelligence via their words which might not capture their intelligence well except maybe their literary skills. Such men end up either annoying me with the ‘know it all’ attitude as they try to charm by pretentiousness wrt the amount of knowledge they hold. A proclivity towards a mind that imprisons my curiosity and makes me want to converse further and divulge into the mind of another is always a great opportunity to expand my purview as well. With the amount of information that traverses these days it’s a really attractive trait if someone can help you grow. The allure towards a mind that captivates and sustains interest overwhelms me at times.

A lot of the times we don’t differentiate between a wise man and an intelligent man, they are almost synonymous during conversations. But what is reproduced out of experiences necessarily may not conclude to the intelligence of a person. No doubt I’d go with the wise because it leads to a more practical and a more refined approach to problem solving but hey, a mind that ignites desirous feelings has to account for something. An articulate man, who drives his point across in a manner that leaves you questioning yours and even encourages you to gravitate towards the other side of an argument is one genius. I’m the kind of a person who has an opinion about a lot of things and mostly stand for what I believe in. A lot of times I’ve been tagged domineering and I might just not sit well with others but what gives me confidence is the fact that eventually when I hold my stance for a cause, what happens or leads to the conclusion is what I was initially driving home.

When a person holds an opinion paired with accurate, logical and authentic information to back up the statement made by him which eventually leads to a definitive point with an astute clarity is brilliant. Having such dialogues establish a platform where exchange of ideas is not just a random exchange anymore but more of a parley between perspectives, experiences, and standpoints. An intelligent man learns how to process information that is provided to him, perceived by him and works towards understanding your point of view (right or wrong) and yet in the process helps supplement your cognizance. How can this NOT be attractive?

Keepsake!

 I gaze at the marvel out the windowpane,

Avaricious gasping gravel relishing each drip,

I yearn as I swirl creating a dark vortex,

Deep in thoughts eyeing the realm change.

The best part of such days,

My eyes clasp the awe there in,

And then they recall the nights,

When they held such torrents within.

Each drop that cascades,

Brings a blast of remembrances,

Pleasant or ghastly, behold how they infringe,

As I contemplate the deafening swathe.

Image Courtesy Illustrats

Crazy Peeps!

What an amazing last couple of days it's been. My birthday month is ending in an absolutely fantabulas way (kinda sad that it is ending). You know how I was saying that some days are so hectic but to be honest I love it. I mean it started from an impromptu vacation, that was all the kick start I needed. My birthday celebrations usually stretch on for a long long time. That's the fun part when you have a varied set of friends. And my friends are insane but that's the bit I adore about them, the way that they shed all inhibitions. From getting sloshed and reinventing a new dance style, to taking stupid videos, to making sure that you end up having the best time of your life, that's them. Now when am high, I love to dance and oh man..it's amazing when you find a partner who can meet your rhythm. The fantasy I always had was to dance with a stranger who made me so ummm we.. (ahem) weak in the knees that he left me panting and MAN..I FINALLY GOT THAT DANCE!

Crazy Night, Crazy Folks!

Religion and friendship don't have any barriers, that's what I truly believe in and if you are sincere, you make bonds that run deeper than blood. I take my friendships very seriously and they fall parallel to my family and in turn they get treated like family. What's better than that? Fun, Food and Laughs..that's all the things you need to bring in love and find happiness. The fact that someone has been so thoughtful to feed you your favorite food and your soul in turn, is one of the best things you can do for anyone. This is what I know and hence I am really big on feeding people. There are so many ways to show your love that mere physical way is just not the only way. And I love it when I connect with people who have the same notions. It takes very little effort but the thought that you want to share your food with someone is an amazing gesture that I really respect. Iftar feast before Eid is a tradition that is always followed and inshalla should continue, that's all that I wish for.

Friday Iftar feast lined up.

Belonging to a place and to people is something that we often take for granted. One thing I've learnt, keep your heart clean and things have a way of working out even though you may not think they will. From the fun filled nights, to days where you just chill and bitch and crib with friends are a treasure. From people I never thought would be back in my life, randomly called up to meet this month. I mean never could I imagine them making an effort to get back in touch. That's the mother of all surprises that I got this year. Effort shows you care because that's the reason you are making it in the first place, right? And when someone really cares, efforts don't seem like efforts at all.  Sweet new beginning must be given a chance if someone really makes an effort, what do you say? I would have said no before, but now not anymore because this year am all about doing things the unconventional way.

To second chances!

I've been very lucky to have a set of people around me who not only are talented AF but also so good of heart that I can't imagine anyone who would not be thankful and grateful when they're surrounded by such a set of such people. One of my very dear friends finally had her dream come true and trust me, I couldn't be more proud to be her friend. I had to include her achievement in this post because I want to remember this year, this month will all the good things that came to me. In the hope to repair ourselves, we often branch out into the things that we need to do to heal the soul. For me, its always been writing and for her, it's been painting. Everyone has their own way to express their pain, happiness, frustrations, delights and any other emotion under the sun and I am so happy that she finally found her calling and what makes it worthwhile is that I was a part of her big show where her calling was appreciated.

Talent Reloaded

So much love all around this time, and especially by one little cutie that always gives me unconditional love. At times I do become a little difficult and but I never do things unless there is a definitive reason or logic behind them. But still I am thankful to the people who at times tolerate my insanity and be a part of it too. Now, I'm totally a dog person and I think they agree. There is nothing like the love that a pet can offer you, sometimes it's much greater than humans because there isn't any hidden agenda. It's always a nice feeling when people and animals crave your presence. It means you are doing something right with your life. I do wish I could keep a pet of my own someday but till then all the other pets who love me are considered mine. 

For the love of Barney Jn

But no matter how much love you have all around you, you sometimes crave that special intimacy with another human being. Maybe now the time is ripe to give another chance to love. Why block it when it's pouring on me. I believed that I should wait for my heart to heal completely, and then be ready to accept the love that's offered but now since I've already decided am going to do things the way that I never would do, maybe blocking love is something that I should stop doing. Who knows that maybe by making sure my heart is free of a past unrequited love before I move on is not the way to heal it. The reality of loving again after a heartbreak is very tough to accomplish. You know it's like when you go to a restaurant and order your favourite dish, because you've had it and loved it. Your expectations are super high because you've had the taste for it but then when you taste it, it leaves a not so great aftertaste and then you are disappointed because it's not what you hoped it would be. I really don't know if I have the strength to walk this path even though am being nudged to at least give it a try but maybe just maybe, what if it is? Till then I guess I'll just smoke the remnants of love out of my veins or maybe take a chance, maybe not or maybe.... Yes!

Carpe Diem!

A Stranger's Way!

The melody kept us clinging,

The tempo left us buzzing,

How the odes tainted our hop,

Closer every inch you pulled and stopped.

The way you held my hand and swayed,

I curled right with my mind on your skin,

The rhythm took our breath away,

Hearts beat louder than the play.

The way you skimmed my waist like clay,

Matched the throb that I slithered in,

Just a stranger who asked me to dance,

Left me twirling to his song.

Fly High!

I love being a Punjabi and more than that I love showing off my one of my home States. So, this friend wanted to seek some inner peace and when asked I was more than happy to be the tour guide. As traditions go, I have made my list of things I want to accomplish this year and trust me there is no better way to start it with some magic of your own. So, kick start another year with some excitement. 

I love impromptu trips, don't you? The fact is that they are so liberating and it amazes me why most people don't do it. I mean I for one am a case of OCD when it comes to travel but sometimes it's so good to let go. To do whatever the fuck you want do (pardon my french) but it's fantastic. As we adult, our lives becomes so mundane, we crib when we are busy and crib when we are not. There are days when I am so busy that there is hardly time to pee to days when I think I might as well invent a time machine. Call it karma but whenever I am down in the dumps I ricochet back with so much gusto, I surprise myself but then again, that's who I am.  

Anyway, since I was a travel guide I might as well impart some tips here too. Pro tip no 1: Choose any day to plan a trip and just roll with it. Trust me, things just work out on their own. Also, do not tell your relatives you are visiting because they WILL take things over and even though that's great but sometimes you need to explore a place your way. 

Amritsar has won the hearts of many anyways, the streets filled with the aroma of food tantalizing your senses, to just the flurry of people that walk the roads. It's a perfect mix of the religion and the explosive vibe of being Punjabi. It overwhelms you initially but once you are there, it becomes home. The trip started off well, and off we went to be a little more spiritual. I mean imagine waking up to a view like this everyday. Sigh! Double Sigh!

There aren't many places to visit but the ones you have to are - Harmandir Sahib ( Golden Temple) BIG DUH!!, next to which is Jallianwala Bagh, associated with the Indian Freedom Movement and is of great historical value. There is a light and sound show and you can still see the bullet holes *goosebumps*. Now this place always makes my heart sink so I tend to rather spend hours in the gurudwara than visit this place. Just sitting for hours near the waterfront and introspecting is one of the best things you can do for your soul. If you do manage to spend an entire day there, stay till night and witness a beauty like no other. Other places to visit are the Durgiana mandir (which is actually Laxmi narayan temple) but there are a cluster of temples around it which you can go to as well. It's almost built on the same architectural concept as that of the Golden Temple so it's a beauty too. You can also visit Mandir Mata Lal Devi, Gobindgarh Fort, and Chand Baori, see now my mom's childhood was spent in Amritsar and so I know these places well and know all the stories associated with them and am super fun with anecdotes, which is a must for a successful travel guide ;). Also, there is a place called Sadda Pind, which is almost like the growing trend of tourist destinations, so unless you've never really truly seen a pind, go. 

What you must not miss is the Wagah border's lowering of the flag ceremony (also arrange for the VIP passes beforehand if you do not want to suffer). It's located at the India-Pakistan Attari Border and  around 30 kms from Amritsar city. This place gives you the kind of goosebumps you've never experienced. I become so patriotic in the snap of a finger. It's just the vibe of the entire place makes you feel alive and brings in you that fight and honour (also the HOT as fuck army men don't make it easy either), one of mamu and mami are army doctors and the visit to their base is almost an orgasm fest. Anyhow, coming back to the topic, Wagah border is an experience in it self and you cannot explain it in words so best if you visit.Take time out especially for it and stop over at the Sarhad Resturant for some good food and some seriously great decor.

When in Amritsar, eat everything Amritsari under the sun and trust me you will not regret it. The taste of the food is so authentic that as you begin to eat it, punjabi starts rolling off your tongue :p. Also, when in Punjab how can you not SHOP. Go crazy over phulkari ( love it) and I think did go crazy and a tad bit overboard but who cares. My State, my rules :p. Even though short trips are satisfying they bring you immense joy in just a matter of days.

Now that I think about it, even though it was someone else's journey, I came back and brought peace along with me.

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Solace!

Maybe somehow the sky heeds your heart,

When you can’t express then it lashes harsh,

Every bead of rain is like blood from your veins,

Someway perhaps your soul gets the relief it craves.

Maybe somehow the cosmos knows your scrape,

When your heart aches and it needs a way,

It makes the earth run surge like fevered thrills,

It does in its own way what it can to mend the frills.

Maybe somehow the stars know that one day,

When you wake up you won’t have to brawl your way,

You’ll be snuggling in the rests of love and life,

Till that day find release in the tears the sky cries.

Infelicitous

In some ways, it’s a great thing that time is rushing. When days are so busy that you just want to get over with your life, I think sometimes that’s a very good thing. When there are a hundred things you have to finish, there’s hardly time left to think about other more disturbing things. Every once in a while, you end up having a really shitty day, this day was for me. I mean it’s not like my life is already so crazy that there are days that break you. You end up disturbed and upset for some reason and then the whole world comes crashing down. I don’t know if that’s a coincidence but almost always whenever I am upset internally right to my core, the entire day goes for a toss.

These are the kind of days I just want to get over with. When life is socially, professionally and emotionally chaotic, where do you run to? You drown yourself in things that please you but that fails, television or movies have a distracted audience so that’s a bummer, so what exactly it is that you do that helps? I don’t know the answer to that. Everyone tells you that you should keep yourself busy when you are overthinking or upset so that you forget momentarily but no one ever tells you what to do to unwind, you know a remedy that actually works.

Days like these suck the energy out of you and you lie like a corpse till you force yourself to get up and get moving. I am tired of doing that. I am tired of running. I think I’ve ended up burdening myself so much that my mind blanks out. I just need an easy option. I need a change of heart, soul and mind. I need a heart that does not sink in every time my wishes are dashed. That sinking feeling that your heart will break anytime is the worst to feel over and over. Expectations are a bitch, but how can you ever let go of hope?

Drown!

A route you saunter with an agile heart,

Hold on honey, for it might go dawdling on,

Drapes gape, no applause is heard as it reigns,

Hold on baby, because the show ain't over yet.

You arise as the mind clouds a little,

The bubbly sip takes you higher,

As you move on to the seventh haze,

Time seems to fly as you stop looking by.

Submerge your spirit deep in ether,

Let it not breathe alone for a minute,

Drench yourself in the jets of nostalgia,

Flavor so strong but remembrances are stronger.

It's Okay!

Why does love turn into war? And then letting go becomes a conflict too. Every day you are on the battlefield trying so hard to win and survive. The firmly you try to brawl, harder your unyielding heart pushes back. That's the problem when your feelings are genuine. The mind runs in an endless loop and it eats your soul inside out. For people who are not so attached or emotionless, every day is a new game maybe to target a new prey. For once I want to be emotionless and feel not even an ounce of pain but then I wonder that if I ever became that, I won't be able to feel love or joy too. But you just get so tired of pushing yourself. Literally half my life is already gone in pushing myself into and out of things, places and people. Maybe I need to just take life as it comes to me. I'm so tired of doing the right thing, thinking about others, managing situations that I’m just going to sit back and let the universe get to work. I'm done trying to save people, I’m done trying to fulfill roles that I’m not meant to play out. I've spent the entire last year adjusting to reality and the fact is, it's not possible.

But know that it's okay to hurt on the inside and yet wake up with a meek smile to face the world is like a challenge, one which only a person who has really ever truly loved will know. So, it’s better to focus on not trying so hard and know that it's okay to feel pain and do whatever it is that helps heal your heart. It's okay to still care for people even though they've caused you a lot of grief. It's okay to not rush trying to fall out of love because with time it will happen eventually. It's okay to acknowledge that your feelings for someone aren't as strong as they used to be but they do surface once in a while and yet it's okay to know that you have to stop feeling this way because others never did. It's okay to know that you cannot change in a day, months or maybe years because that's who you are. It's okay to accept it. It's okay to have the heart do things you never thought you could do. It's okay to miss a part of you and still continue living. You have been surviving every single day, that's the only thing you should tell your heart. Let your eyes bleed uninterrupted till all of the pain leaves like the waves full of mishandled emotions. Understand that it's okay to tend to your broken heart and not hide it inside your body, hidden and withering.  It's okay to let it out. It's okay to want to move forward. It's okay to trust others again. It's okay and you're okay. But you know what's not okay? Wasting your time because that's precious. 

Proclivity!

Enigmatic style of how a mind works,

Leaves you needing more and more,

Makes you want to strip each tier,

Something that remains unclear.

Hollow head shrieks reticence,

Cerebral reign holds your regard,

As you twirl to the heart strings,

Hard, fast yet breathing slow.

Slowly grabbing your devotion,

When you should be in his hold,

Caressing each and every fold,

Left Wrapped in your thoughts lone.

Image courtsey itsarttime

My Day #2017

Still so hungover from last night,

Yet my heart’s stringing poems right,

Of all the wishes I want to make,

I close my eyes tight till they flake, 

Some came true and some were lame,

Every year I reprise the same,

Hoping that one of those wishes will slay,

But instead all the love pours my way,

Unknowingly almost always I get my say,

And just then me and stars meet halfway,

Lips shine red, eyes seduce and I sway,

Wouldn’t you want a little taste me today?

I am who I am!

Because FB quizzes can be oh so fun!

#World'sBestFriendsDay

They help you get through tough phases and not alone,

They breathe life into you when you’re scared to grow,

They weave fun into your life when it’s slow,

They love you the most when you feel so low,

They make you smile when the tears flow,

They hold you tight and don’t ever let go,

Best Friends are those few cherished souls.

Messianic!

Is it only about the ravenous forms?

Or do souls recognize each other’s storms,

Where one craves the zealous heart,

The other leaves her screaming afar.

The depth of him inside her own,

She holds the universe in her moans,

Each thrust that deepens in her core,

She screams his name and drinks him galore.

Hands know no boundaries,

Two bodies become demanding,

The heat that travels from her lips,

Dives deep into the throws of desires amid.

The embers shy away as she screams his name,

The want grows and he makes sure she lays,

He owns her like the skies does the twinkling stars,

Baby, love is to be made and not spoken about.

Image Courtsey Broken_Isn't _Bad

Infuse!

I crave you every morning and noon,

That dark and bitter taste of brew,

To inhale the aroma spread anew,

Drinking little sips, hoping not to drown in you.

For when I awaken each day,

I lie roused as thoughts cram their way in,

I list all the things I need to do,

I think of all the things I need to forget to.

My mind needs a comforting embrace,

To calm a heart that’s a little deranged,

As I hold you in my hands and sigh,

Music offers the milieu melody right.

Another day to battle my way,

To live with all the wounds and scars again,

The strength I know I need to regain,

You hold the secret in your pottered clay.

Image Courtesy Illustrats

Bra-ed

The right kind of bra can make or break your day. I love a good bra. It’s a garment that even though you might not flaunt everyday (or do) but it can definitely set the right tone for the day. It’s almost like an instant pick me up placed right after chocolate or some alcohol. You are spoilt for choice and the minute you done one of those sexy, lacy little number, Voila, you turn into Mata Hari. Weird topic to write about? I say not as I write this blog wearing this sexy red lacy half cup little number, that hugs you just right. 

I mean think about it, there is a bra for every mood. There is one that makes you look sexy as fuck. I am particularly fond of lacy numbers, so obviously I will be tad bit biased towards them. There are quirky designs, there is vintage whites and there are those striking neons that instantly light you up. You may be thinking, woman, it’s just a bra but no sir, that’s where you are wrong. Bras make life interesting. One little strap out of place and damn, the whole world turns around. Bras create an illusion and make your boobs God worthy or make them squished little balls. Sometimes, they pop up out of place at the oddest of times and sometimes it’s like they aren’t even talking to each other and looking at two different directions. As important it is to wear a bra, the minute of its release is even more pleasurable. I mean I’m not THAT gifted so I don’t know the perils of gigantic boob horror stories as some of my friends tell me.

Surprisingly, being the owner of boobs we still don’t let them take over our lives contrary to the man breed. Showing off your boobs is an art. I mean the amount of cleavage, the choice of bra under whatever you are wearing, the shape, the colour, IT ALL MATTERS. I mean if I go on a date, sure I’d love to give a little preview but not when am in a…say temple (which happens so often that I swear I think even Gods listen to them more than they do to us little creatures). What a lot of women don’t understand that bras are an investment and they need to be taken care of. Also, the minute they don’t provide the right fit, DUMP THEM. I urge you to take your boobs seriously. They need the care and proper handling by you as opposite to the treatment they get. Bras make you a wonder woman! 

Danke!

It's truly an enriching sentiment when you get to know that people value your words. My blog has always been a very personal open diary. I was very apprehensive about sharing my moods, my thoughts, my emotions and my life with strangers or anyone who would like to read me initially. For the longest of times I never used to share what I wrote, it was kept hidden in a dairy but I guess that didn’t last long. When I started blogging, no wait, when I started sharing what I wrote, the number of comments that I received was astonishing. To get an understanding of all the different perceptions that were instigated due to a thought transpired by me left me with a sense of satisfaction and intrigue. I now know that it's worth putting yourself out there. 

I usually become a recluse when I’m upset or when I'm hurt and ironically that's when I write best. I didn't know that people would actually miss that. This last month was like a tsunami again so I went back to my cave. All the messages that were bombarded at me to reopen my blog was overwhelming. Some of really great writers I respect enormously apparently like to read me and encouraged (pushed to the edge actually) to open my blog again and this post is to thank you all. I might actually take up your offer to publish a book soon too ;) 

There is no better feeling than knowing that you relate to others or that somehow what you say is just what is needed to be heard when someone is troubled. Someone recently asked me how I write with such passion. I never really thought about that because to me there is a lot of value addition that my work still needs. But this really got me thinking. I don't mull over what to write, it just flows and that's problematic because if I don't capture that transient emotion right away, it gets lost among the intricacies of my life. My life has always been a roller-coaster and yet I don’t know if I should be grateful or no. It’s been a helluva ride. 

My work always seems too raw to me. But now I know that it's what I'm good at, being utterly raw because that's how I feel when I write. It’s like when am happy and write, I can literally feel the energy just uplifting me and when I’m sad, the writing becomes a little troublesome because the tears don’t stop. which is why I never revisit my work because I know I will see some grammatical mistake or a typo and most definitely because it awakens all my demons. When at times I do, I end up cursing myself for not doing some thorough proof reading which I usually don't because then I feel like it's a piece of my "work". So, please allow me a little slack when I don't meet the standards of good writing. 

So, in the end all I would like to say… thank you! Thank you for reading me, thank you for relating and thank you for remembering my words. 

Gracias!

The Embrace!

What is the best way to let someone know how you feel for them? There are so many apart from just telling them. Of all the ways, I always choose embracing another soul to let them know how much they mean to me. 

                                          

I like to give special hugs. Those hugs that are never ending, warm and all encompassing. The kind of embrace when you feel you are at home or make someone feel that they are. I like getting the kind of hugs where the minute you hug a person, you want to go to sleep because all your worries leave you. A hug where you feel safe, and wanted. A hug that you never ever want to end. A hug in which you want your body to melt into the others. Where time stops, where you begin. That kind of hug! 

                                       

So, when you find that embrace, you can feel the universe colliding with your soul. You become a part of stardust and that's when you know where you belong. When you find it, keep it, hold onto it and never ever let it go.