It's Okay!

Why does love turn into war? And then letting go becomes a conflict too. Every day you are on the battlefield trying so hard to win and survive. The firmly you try to brawl, harder your unyielding heart pushes back. That's the problem when your feelings are genuine. The mind runs in an endless loop and it eats your soul inside out. For people who are not so attached or emotionless, every day is a new game maybe to target a new prey. For once I want to be emotionless and feel not even an ounce of pain but then I wonder that if I ever became that, I won't be able to feel love or joy too. But you just get so tired of pushing yourself. Literally half my life is already gone in pushing myself into and out of things, places and people. Maybe I need to just take life as it comes to me. I'm so tired of doing the right thing, thinking about others, managing situations that I’m just going to sit back and let the universe get to work. I'm done trying to save people, I’m done trying to fulfill roles that I’m not meant to play out. I've spent the entire last year adjusting to reality and the fact is, it's not possible.

But know that it's okay to hurt on the inside and yet wake up with a meek smile to face the world is like a challenge, one which only a person who has really ever truly loved will know. So, it’s better to focus on not trying so hard and know that it's okay to feel pain and do whatever it is that helps heal your heart. It's okay to still care for people even though they've caused you a lot of grief. It's okay to not rush trying to fall out of love because with time it will happen eventually. It's okay to acknowledge that your feelings for someone aren't as strong as they used to be but they do surface once in a while and yet it's okay to know that you have to stop feeling this way because others never did. It's okay to know that you cannot change in a day, months or maybe years because that's who you are. It's okay to accept it. It's okay to have the heart do things you never thought you could do. It's okay to miss a part of you and still continue living. You have been surviving every single day, that's the only thing you should tell your heart. Let your eyes bleed uninterrupted till all of the pain leaves like the waves full of mishandled emotions. Understand that it's okay to tend to your broken heart and not hide it inside your body, hidden and withering.  It's okay to let it out. It's okay to want to move forward. It's okay to trust others again. It's okay and you're okay. But you know what's not okay? Wasting your time because that's precious.