Infelicitous

In some ways, it’s a great thing that time is rushing. When days are so busy that you just want to get over with your life, I think sometimes that’s a very good thing. When there are a hundred things you have to finish, there’s hardly time left to think about other more disturbing things. Every once in a while, you end up having a really shitty day, this day was for me. I mean it’s not like my life is already so crazy that there are days that break you. You end up disturbed and upset for some reason and then the whole world comes crashing down. I don’t know if that’s a coincidence but almost always whenever I am upset internally right to my core, the entire day goes for a toss.

These are the kind of days I just want to get over with. When life is socially, professionally and emotionally chaotic, where do you run to? You drown yourself in things that please you but that fails, television or movies have a distracted audience so that’s a bummer, so what exactly it is that you do that helps? I don’t know the answer to that. Everyone tells you that you should keep yourself busy when you are overthinking or upset so that you forget momentarily but no one ever tells you what to do to unwind, you know a remedy that actually works.

Days like these suck the energy out of you and you lie like a corpse till you force yourself to get up and get moving. I am tired of doing that. I am tired of running. I think I’ve ended up burdening myself so much that my mind blanks out. I just need an easy option. I need a change of heart, soul and mind. I need a heart that does not sink in every time my wishes are dashed. That sinking feeling that your heart will break anytime is the worst to feel over and over. Expectations are a bitch, but how can you ever let go of hope?