Nugatory!

I feel so ordinary at times. You read a thousand posts where they tell you, grill into you the fact that you're special, and yet yesterday I just felt so short. I'm privileged, I do well, I work hard to get what I want and I have a great set of friends and family and yet at times I don't feel it. Sometimes, and I really don't usually, but sometimes I look at people who have it easy, a smooth life, I remember all the times I had to struggle to get what I want. Not that it matters because not everyone is meant to achieve laurels and fame, yet even though I've had my share, I still feel so inconsequential. 

I have two Ivy League colleagues, and I know I do better work, I have more experience and more game but then they come from a lineage that has made their life easy. I hate destiny and how it plays out. I felt so envious, because may be if I had a different life, I would have been a different person. Question though is that would I have liked me? Would I have been the person I am today, in this life, with this history behind me? Hmmm! This thought has left me wide awake today.

There are people I know and see who just flash their privileges out on to everyone. There are people who are ready to suck up to them. This confuses me because then if that's the case you never know if the people around you are genuine or not. Some people have this insane need to then just show off what they have, maybe to get gratification or popularity, who knows. I mean it's just insane. Then are some, who keep things private, I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I mean there is good in sharing (not showing off) but then when you're very private, you just end up becoming an introvert. You see how confused I am. Anyway, I'm rarely ever jealous or envious of others but today I just feel so trivial and insignificant like my being doesn't matter. I've never felt more out of place, it's just not there. I felt so insignificant, even though I'm not but then again, I didn't share this with anyone who can make me believe otherwise.