Am I happy today!

Yes in many many ways yes!!! I am happy that I finally found that one song I was looking for, happy that my nephew spoke two new words, happy that my family and friends love me to death. Just content, maybe not….trying to get more happiness …hell ya!!

Out of all the experiences life has offered, I feel we become stronger – our choice of course to be happy or evil. Kinda the balance of nature if we all chose to be happy who would superhero’s fight when there was no sulking super evil villain out to take revenge on society. Now that’s an entire different blog!

I looked out my window as I woke up today morning and saw the birds flying, people going to work, kids going to school, vegetable vendor screaming his guts out and only one thought remained…Life goes on!! It’s what you make of it really…that much I know now is true. There are so many contradictions in life, so many paradox’s, so many illusions you do tend to get lost.

Everyone I look to has some secret, some lie, some pain, some memory…something which we all hide. But still I see the smiles, I see the courage, I see the strength and it gives me strength…I guess its just the way we look at things…our perception of it!

So yes even if am not happy I will think thoughts that make me happy….getting up and being smiled at, the thought that you are loved is enough to make me happy. It’s something that we should spread around really…what goes around comes around right…

So yes I am happy today…I smile at the world and see it smiling back…I find the courage and the strength…to really see that I do love my life…I just don’t know it yet!

Don’t know which is harder….knowing or not knowing!

There are things in this life you feel will never happen to you or you wont let them happen and then bam your hit with the worst thing and that worst feeling stays with you. Its so hard to fight the urges, to deal with the pain and to console your soul. No matter how many friends you talk to and no matter how many times you abuse that one person. It still hurts pretty darn bad. The tears come after long breaks now but still they do…everyone says it takes time…but really does it ever heal. The hurt, the betrayal stays with you forever…becomes a part of you. Changes you somehow, I don’t know if its for the better or worse though.

That one person who held your hand, who told you he won’t leave suddenly leaves you stranded in the middle not knowing which direction you should head to. Your soul is torn apart, your heart breaks into a thousand pieces and yet you have to be ok and calm. You see your world breaking down as you helplessly sit on one corner..like watching a movie, feeling every minute of it but still it’s like its not happening to you.

And then you see and come to know the reasons, the things that person said. If you thought the heart break hurt, well you didn’t see this coming. So many memories flash before your eyes. You feel stupid, so naïve for not seeing the truth. But then again it’s only human I guess.

Human to hurt someone and human enough to be hurt. So ya I don’t know which is worse, knowing or the unknown but ultimately both lead to multifolds of pain!!