When

 

When the sea is rough,

When the wind is high,

When the night is wild,

When my heart cries,

When the sun sets,

When the ice melts,

When the moon shines,

When the time is right,

When this life begins,

When dreams start pouring in,

When the stars form galaxy's again,

When the grass grows,

When the fire lights,

When the dew settles,

When the seasons change,

When promises are made,

When the rains pour,

When the wings soar,

When the trees blush,

When peace arrives,

When the curse is undone,

When the freedom is won,

When the diamond sparkles,

When things go right,

When the roses bloom,

When the birds hum,

When soul searches for the one,

When thunder shrieks,

When destiny fulfills,

When eyes are no longer blind,

When you find ecstasy,

When you close your eyes,

That's when I'll arrive.

 

A thought in my mind...

Life is so cruel. It plays tricks on you. You search for something special and you find it but if you are lucky you get to keep it. Otherwise you watch it float away. Right in front of your eyes. You are helpless, you don't know what to do. You try to talk yourself out of it. You try to explain and console your heart. That is what you do. Tears leave your eyes like the words unsaid. The words you so long to say. 

This life is cruel. It teaches you to be crude and hard. Sometimes by taking away everything you have. Little by little it hardens your heart. You become numb. You don't feel things with the intensity you want to feel them with . You drink your own tears. Your dreams crash, your hope shatters. But you know you have to stand up. That one disappointment is added to the unsaid corner of your mind. The one you only open when your heart sneaks a glimpse at your spent life. 

Who says we are happy, we adjust with life. Thats the biggest compromise we make. Not with people,because with them you can fight, argue, debate and at times make them understand. You don't know what will happen in your life ahead. I don't think it matters also. Even if you get ahead, live your life, you still leave all those things behind. You long to hear those words. You want to belong to all that you lost. 

That's life for me. I remember the sad parts and am happy for the good too. But I am a little greedy, I thought i'd have it all.

Satisfy me!

There are always a plethora of wishes, some fulfilled and most left unfulfilled. It has to be one of the most difficult things that maybe a human can ever manage. Countless stars we wish on, countless omens we think we see. Its just never enough.

When we are young our lives are so simple, so basic. We don't worry and we communicate what we need, what we feel. What changes when we grow up? We fail to talk, we fail to understand and we fail to empathize. Yet it is a very dangerous thing to be naive in this world. People will fool you, and you will be hurt.

I look back over the years and it seems to have taken me so long to figure certain things out in life. Too late but atleast not late enough. People continue to disappoint you. Life continuously makes your journey strenuous. Is it worth it?

This year is coming to an end and so I really want to start work on a bucket list but not for my physical self - a list for my soul. Have not thought about how I will do it or what it will consist of. But I know its a time to transform myself - mainly my soul. I don't want to live this life in a cauldron of wants. It will only spew evil.

People always find it weird why I keep taking up challenges, they feel that I try to prove to others I am cool or how it is easy for others to rile me up. Well I thought a great deal about it. I admit it hurt a little, even though coming from a stranger - it affected me a little. But I did realize that it should not matter, I don't know these people. I should rest my belief in the ones who believe in me and help me explore different aspects of me.

So yes I want to satisfy my soul now, feed it love and happiness and let it breathe kindness. I want to give up agony and work through my struggles with ease.I want to enjoy time with the people I love and I want to do something productive with my life.

An ending to a beginning

If I call out your name,

I might suddenly wake up,

Its not going to work out that well,

If we happen to meet again by chance. 

In a crowd you disappear,

With a girl you are destined,

You were probably looking for someone,

I wonder if it was your lover. 

In that moment our eyes met,

That is me my heart said,

It can't be, It can't be you, 

I see running towards me. 

The agony, the excitement,

Moves all through my body,

I don't want to fall to peices,

I've got to hold on to myself. 

But a little bit today, 

A lot more now ,

I feel like the orphan soul,

Be careful when you approach me with kindness. 

I can't help but follow you,

What you said, 

Was it this too,

The words you spoke,

Made me shiver in ways unknown. 

In the dream you spoke,

Loving and being loved was told,

Only a grain of sand,

Is this chance we never had. 

That grain is hope,

Faith and belief untold,

Reality is sizzling down,

I know i've got to wake up now. 

I've got to blow it away,

Because I don't want hurt again,

But a little bit, little bit someday,

I want to see your naked soul again. 

When I can't touch you,

Feel you, consume you,

How do I hold on to you?

In that moment, 

Our eyes met,

Maybe in another life,

We can be together again. 

Feed music to my soul!

Ok so I love music!!! 

It percolates into my being. Every feeling that I get is associated with music. So this one person asked me what kind of music I liked. Well plenty, took me bloody ages to even think and select the songs but then I had a "Eureka" moment. 

What is that one time that needs no wait demands music- LOVE..different stages of love, different feelings and different sounds. Love and music are almost like the most rudimentary things which are raw.

I listen to a song once and if I like it,  it is inscribed forever. I have this routine which includes listening to that  song over and over till it creates some memory in my mind and whenever I listen to that song it just rings a bell..Simple..I think not!! Sometimes it also recalls bad memories, some which you hide deep inside your subconscious.

When I meet a person for instance, there is a song that plays in my head and I know that song will forever remind me of that person. So I thought id select some songs that define the stages in love. Not a exhaustive list but I could list all the ones I thought were relevant. So..like here are some of my favorite songs (not all - I know there are some more)  categorized as per various events in the LOVE/RELATIONSHIP CYCLE. Mind you its a loop, so begin at which ever stage you are at and go with flow.

Here we go ->

When you feel good about yourself

·         Beautiful – Christina Aguilera

·         I can see clearly now – Big Mountain

·         Bigger than my body – John Mayor

·         Born this way – lady gaga

·         Bulletproof – La Roux

·         Can't hold us down – Christine Aguilera

·         Clarity – John Mayor

·         My best days are ahead of me – Danny Gokey

·         Days go by – Keith urban

·         Don’t stop believing – The Journey

·         Don’t stop dancing – Creed

·         Drops of Jupiter – Train

·         Every day – Rascal Flatts

·         Everything – Alanis Morissette

·         Everything – Pacifier

·         Free – Lighthouse

·         Happy – Natasha Beddingfield

·         Somewhere over the rainbow – Harry Nilsson

·         Haven't met you yet – Micheal buble

·         Heaven – Live

·         Here comes the sun – Beetles

·         Hero – Mariah Carey

·         Higher – Creed

·         Holdin out for a hero – Frou Frou

·         Human – Jon McCaughlun

When you meet someone new

·         All I do is dream of you – Micheal Buble

·         Anywhere but here – Hilliary duff

·         Baby one more time – Bowling for soup

·         Dove’L Amore  -Cher

·         Dreams can come true – Gabrielle

·         Fallin for you – Colbie Callait

·         Game of love – Santana feat Michelle Branch

When you are falling in love

·         Accidentally In love – Counting Crows

·         Back at one – Brain Mcknight

·         Aint no Mountain – The Temptations

·         Just the way you are – Bruno Mars

·         Bubbly – Colbie Caillat

·         You and me – Lifehouse

·         Collide – Howie Day

·         Confessions – Nick Carter

·         Just like a star = Corianne Bailey

·         Cruisin – Duets (Gwyneth Paltrow)

·         Chasing Cars – Snow Patrol

·         Every time our eyes meet – Lonestar

·         Falls on me - Fuel

For steamy dates

·         Blowing me up with her love – JC Chasez

·         Body Language – Jesse McCartney

·         Body on me – Ashanti & Akon

·         Butterfly – Crazy Town

·         Come to me – Nicole

·         Deep inside of you – Third eye Blind

·         Feeling's show – Collie Colliat

·         Hanging by a moment (acoustic version) - Life house

When you are missing someone

·         Pure Shores – All saints

·         Always something – Switchfoot

·         Can’t move on -Automatic Loveletter

·         Baby when you’re gone – Bryan Adams and Mel C

·         Blame it on the weatherman – B*witched

·         Destiny – Zero 7

·         Bottle it up – Sara Barailles

·         Brand New Day – Forty fFot Echo

·         Bright lights – Matchbox Twenty

·         By your Side (Neptune mix) – Sade

·         Home – Chris Daughtrey

·         Dice – Finley Quaye

·         Every time we say goodbye – Liza Minelli

·         Every time we say goodbye – Ray Charles

·         Far away – Nickelback

·         How long – Eagles

·         Times like these – Foo Fighters

·         Heart of the matter – India Arie

·         This is how you remind me - Nickleback

When you are mad crazy in love

·         All of me – John Legend

·         Brighter than sunshine – Aqualung

·         Beautiful soul – Jesse McCartney

·         Book of love – Peter Gabriel

·         Breath – Faith hill

·         I’ll Go wherever - The Calling

·         Back here – BB Mack

·         Chariot – Gavin Dgraw

·         Ill be – Edwin McCain

·         Ever ever after – Carrie Underwood

·         Every breath you take – Police

·         Fast cars and freedom – Rascal Flatts

·         Forever – Chris Brown

·         Waves – G.A.D

·         Good morning beautiful – Blake Shelton

·         Got your back – TI feat Keri Hilson

·         Halo – Beyonce

·         Heaven – Dj Sammy  feat Yanou

When someone cheats on you

·         Before he cheats – Carrie Underwood

·         Cry me a river – Justin Timberlake

·         When am gone – Third Eye Blind

·         Breakeven – The Script

·         Everything burns – Ben Moody feat Anastasia

·         F**k you – Cee Loo Green

·         Heart breaker – Mariah Carey

·         Heartless – Kanye West

Break up songs

·         Are you happy now – Michelle Branch

·         Against all odds – Boyz to Men feat Mariah

·         Am I losing you – Jim Reeves & Patsy

·         Believe – Cher

·         Broken Strings- James Morrison feat Nelly Furtado

·         Call me when you’re Sober – Evanescence

·         Boston - Augustana

·         Drift – Forty Foot Echo

·         Everybody’s fool – Evanescence

·         Goodbye to you – Michelle Branch

·         Gotta get through this – Daniel Beddingfield

·         Harder to breathe – Maroon 5

·         How to save a life – The Fray

 

When you are feeling lonely

• After all this time – Simon Webbe
• Airplanes – BOB feat Hayley Williams
• Bring me back to life – Evanescence
• Come back to me – David Cook
• Thinking over – Dana Glover
• Bad day – Daniel Powter
• Don’t know why – Norah Jones
• Echo – Vertical Horizon
• First cut is the deepest – Sheryl Crow
• Half of a heart – John Mayor
• Iris – Goo Goo Dolls
• Hero – Nickelback