Arrivederci!

Comical how this heart of mine,  

Has gotten used to anguish entwine,

It anticipates the ache,

And then it primes to weep and cascade.

It’s hard when your heart is soft,

It’s tough when your gut’s in a rut,

Change they say is always good,

Then why does it feel like a casualty unto.

The more I hate goodbyes,

The more I get to say them,

The more I hate tears,

The more I get to release them.

Cry Wolf!

OMG I can't believe it. Getting nominated for your achievements is a big deal or at least it should be a big deal. I hate myself for not milking it, I should really be all "Hey, look at me, I'm a Star" attitude but here I am, happy to be just nominated. Something is seriously wrong with me. Being this humble is never really great, you end up missing on a lot of opportunities because I CANNOT SELL MYSELF.

It's almost like always, the minute people get to really know me, then they know my worth and are afraid to lose me. They say one should always toot their horn, I mean sometimes I feel its important also but doing it perpetually just goes to show how shallow and important you want people to think you are. It seems that all that you do is irrevocably just done for the benefit of focusing attention on yourself. It's like when you fall and hurt yourself, one set of people will cry a little, feel the pain and quietly move to attend to the wound but some people are the complete opposite, they will yell and scream and have the entire universe look down at them with sympathy over a small cut or bruise. I just cannot become one of such people.

Maybe I'm built wrong, that's what I think, I'm not really sure!

Boss Woman!

It's especially tough for a woman in the role of leadership. You have to cater to a lot of expectations than those fulfilled by your male counterparts. Nepotism everywhere is at its peak. Good networking is essential however, knowing the art to leverage it is even greater. I have always been great at networking. Put me in a room full of people and i'll network and wow them however, sustaining those networks for me personally is a huge task.

I may be very social but internally I'm very shy till I click or open up to someone, then I'm just plain mad. I've worked in teams, I like it. I think a good team gives you leverage and a skill set at your disposal which others do not have. Every individual is good at something, analysing that and then using it to your advantage is good leadership.

I consider myself to be a good boss, (At least I hope I am)that said because with close to 11 years of work experience now, I've had numerous bosses and learning from them has been a privilege and many a times a lesson. So, my first ever boss was my own professor so it was easy as I was fresh out of college. I was usually an obedient student, and I was working with a dear friend. Then I had this totally lost boss who did not have any idea but still was at a powerful position, again a lady boss. But then I moved jobs and my boss was this really horrid woman who liked to mentally harass me. Then I landed a project with a male boss, and thankfully a great team that made it totally worth working and so came many many more.

It's indeed amazing to learn what to do and especially what not to do from women bosses, all of this knowledge makes me a better boss. I have a team of 13...wait for it...WOMEN! People always say that it's especially hard to work in an all women's team and frankly I just don't get why. Sometimes, there is a lot of drama but hey men are far more dangerous to work with :p But being a good boss ( so I've been told) takes a lot of hard work. There are people in your team who are bright and what you want is easily delivered. Then there are people who you have to teach every single little thing. Being a boss means you are responsible for their faults and rarely for their accomplishments. Being a boss means you're always in the firing line. Being a boss means a whole lot of responsibility on your head. Being a boss...I love it :)

Phew!

I haven't really had the time to just breathe ever since 2018 has begun. I think that's a good thing because I want to move away towards a new life. Isn't it funny that year after year, as they pass yet we keep chasing time, trespassing on each others memories and getting so lost in the process. I ran away from so much this past year, memories of lost love to memories of life. In all the running that we do, we rarely ever stop and think how tiring it all is. Of course there are days when you feel physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted but then as you dive into recreation, you release all that pent up anger, sadness and love.

I always like the beginning of any year, it brings a lot of promise, a lot of  challenges and dreams that I wish to fulfill. A couple of them keep adding or dropping every year. This year, I can foresee it's going to be a crazy one. I got promoted to deal will all the chaos my immediate boss and the super boss have spilled. Sometimes, I feel very unlucky that I have to do the grunt work and there is so much more to my potential that I, let alone others, are not harnessing.

Every job that I have worked, has pulled me in directions which are contrary to what my job really entails. But the more I work in a dynamic structure, the more I am beginning to realize where I see myself. I am learning how people manipulate, get work done, take credit, are corrupt and all this while, I am happy and somewhat becoming more of a critic of my work. Is it a positive turn of events? Who knows, at least my mind is diverted, that's all I really right now.