Funny thing...

Isn't it funny,

How someone affects you,

How you worry,

How you quarrel too. 

Isn't it funny,

How someone can quiver you,

How you crave,

How you give in too. 

Isn't it funny,

How someone can excite you,

How you are perplexed,

How you remain unstated. 

Isn't it funny,

How someone makes you feel all fuzzy,

How you just want to hold them,

Even when they are unwavering too.  

Rakhi!

I always enjoy festivals. They have some celestial quality about them. Everyone is happy and participative. This is a festival I adore and it has meant different to me at every stage of my life. From when it was about money, to when it was about fun, to when it was about the relationship that siblings share to now when it's about moments. These relationships I cherish.

I had always wanted a brother of my own. Being the youngest, I always asked when I can have a brother. Usually this came up during Rakhi time, so mum asked me to tie Rakhi to dad and then to Ladoo. Then came cousins and even though it was never consistent, it was still there. Then came relationships that I cherish. Some amazing people who are more than family. My Rakhi brothers. 

Most of my family is in different cities or abroad. Chachu's son is in Canada, Masi's son in Gurgaon ( don't gel much), cousin Mama's sons in Canada. Others in Punjab. Two in Noida and Dwarka who have their own lives. Masi's sons in LA. And God knows where all. 

Everyone is busy in this life. Life is so material. Some of us meet and have fun. And some of us meet on weddings ot trips. Times are changing. There will be a time when we won't even meet for small functions. I miss that. And I especially miss my sisters during festivities. We are spread throughout the globe and I hate it. This is not how family should be. I miss all the fun and all the pranks we used to play. All the mithai and all the masti. Maybe someday, we will all be together to celebrate us - our family. Till then, I tie Rakhi to all my brothers on their behalf too. I sms Rakhi messages or courier some. Is this really what we are looking forward too. A techno filled dead life. 

Is it?

Is it right to miss someone,

When they don't miss you back,

Is it right to miss someone,

When all you can see are reasons within,

Is it right to miss someone,

When they give you smiles,

Is it right to miss someone,

When they steal a piece of your heart every time,

Is it right to miss someone,

When you want to wake up next to them,

Is it right to miss someone,

When you want to dive into their arms,

Is it right to miss someone,

When they see your soul acutely and crave for more,

Is it right to miss someone,

When they held you through tough times and more,

Is it right to miss someone,

When they make your heart skip a beat,

Is it right to miss someone,

When you dream of them every night,

Is it right to miss someone,

When they went out of their way for you,

Is it right to miss someone,

When you think of them all the time,

Is it right to miss someone,

When they were the calm to your chaos,

Is it right to miss someone,

When you needed their strength to be,

Is it right to miss someone,

When they listened to you patiently,

Is it right to miss someone,

When you know it's worth a try,

Is it right to miss someone,

Knowing it was more and high,

Someone tell me please,

Is it right to miss that someone?

Ain't no Sunshine....

Will there ever be a morning,

When I don't wake up in tears,

When the pain won't exist,

and the clouds will be clear. 

Will there ever be a morning,

When my words won't taunt me,

When the people I've valued,

Will not renounce me. 

Will there ever be a morning,

When I will break into a smile,

When all the senses will be numb,

When I will breathe and not sigh! 

Tell me please...

Every night O' why every night,

What is it that you are telling me,

My tears are scorching my skin now,

From water they have turned acid now. 

Tell me what I need to know,

Stop playing games it's hurting me so,

Be the man I know you are,

Tell me please before I kill my all. 

Is this punishment that you are giving me,

What I am supposed to do tell me,

Does she really make you forget her,

I will walk away if you are happy.

Do You Remember?

I woke up from a dream tonight,

Felt your arms were missing by my side,

Remember the nights we used to be,

Somebody we both wanted to be. 

Those jokes and those teasers,

Of nights we shared more over breezes,

Enveloped in a bond growing stronger,

Do you remember those nights I wonder alone.  

Those whispers of passion,

Delirious, delicious patterns,

How we fell into each other,

Morning, nights, afternoons I remember. 

Those wicked words and witty liners,

How we challenged and were better with each other,

The care, the worry, those stupid fights,

Tell me, do you recall one or another. 

Tell me who do you choose,

Make it clear for my heart,

Tell me please before it kills me,

Do you remember me at all?  

Blank!

The tunnels of my mind are murky,

They wait for a path and signs from atop,

What did I do to make you hate me?

Was it something I did, please tell me?

I thought I gave as much and more,

I believed I fed your hungry soul,

Then why I am less than what you want,

You spoke to her about love and more,

Was I not enough for you to crave me?

Am I not worthy of your demons?

But you seemed worthy of mine indeed,

What is it about you I can’t put my hand on it,

I can’t break the spell you have on me,

It hurts so much that you walked away,

I waited days and turned to months without delay,

I didn’t ask for love, knowing you weren’t ready for it,

But I stood by you through your pain every day,

I care and still worry every night,

Even though I might want to choke you at times,

All I asked of you was to stay,

Knowing you were there was enough,

Someday maybe we could walk as friends,

Shielding the hurt we both fret in,

Make a fort so invincible,

To protect each other,

But you walked away that night,

And you never came back to rescue me from my fright.

Again...

How much more of this,

Do I have to endure,

My heart is broken,

My soul is no more,

There stands a hull,

Of mere perceptions,

Pierced by daggers,

Opened and left for dead again,

Killed by the very weapons,

You said you'd protect me with,

Good you killed this heart, but 

I don't think it can survive another war,

How much of it can I take,

I need someone to heal me,

Because I don't trust me,

But the hands I thought I did,

Strangled me over and again,

Am I just worth the tears,

When will I be wise,

Without words or explanations just thrown away,

Only my dark shadows remain. 

When thoughts collide

Wtf man, how many sleepless nights do I have to endure. Sleep head. Just sleep. 

When will my heart be stone. Head banish all thoughts. 

I just want to cry. Like all the time. 

I am like a tap these days. 

One slight word and I start wailing.

I am fever stricken slightly delusional.

I am completely in a state of numbness and yet there is so much pain.

And it’s not even my hormones.

I read things to distract me, I read for solutions.

I feel there is a burden on me.

I want to just be at peace.

I want to be able to live carefree.

I want to stop weeping for a dream.

I want to talk but there is no one to talk to because no one really knows, so I write.

I listen to songs and I cry in the car.

I reach office, my eyes bleed.

I reach home, my eyes bleed.

It’s too much of an emotional set back that I have seen.

I feel lost, disoriented.

I walk, talk, drive, and eat nonsensically.

I feel sick.

I want to forget things but they come back to torment me. 

I keep dissuading myself.

I don’t want to be happy. 

I just want to be sad.

Mom is clearly worried. 

I am trying distractions. 

I am constantly reminded of sentences spoken to me. 

Situations I’ve been through, it’s almost like going through trauma every single day.

I am losing my will. 

I feel like I am drowning.

I am like a zombie, don’t feel like eating. 

I can’t eat. Can’t sleep.

Tears just silently fall.

My head is constantly beating.

My eyes are swollen. 

There is no light that sparkles in my eyes.

There is no motive in life. 

I am scared, petrified.

One insensitive sentence and I grow cold and shaking. 

I am just working.

I don’t know who I am becoming?

Someday’s I just sit and look into space. 

I don’t move, I don’t talk. Friends force me to go out. It always haunts me. 

I just keep looking into space with tears welling up.

I know people around me are worried.

I have quieted down. 

But I’m just a mess right now.

And they think they are trying to save me. 

They kill you and then they need a fucking void to fill after they ruthlessly create one. Ya a void that is filled by mercilessly testing the other. Fucking shit. Torture. They are angry. Heartless. They scream Why? Because "they" feel they have done right. Idiotic, immature logic. Ofcourse because because they don't feel. Am done. Am fucking done. Am just fucking done. Déjà vu. All over again. Those Three months all over again. Same pattern. Same situation. It's so not fair.

 

Why?

Yes, running away is always easy. Staying is the hardest. How much of this is twisted on so many levels. Why do things have to be complicated? Why can't they be solved one issue at a time? Why do they need to be violently chased away? Why are the answers never given? Why is the torture necessary everytime? Why can't things be resolved maturely? Why are feelings never spoken? Why? Why? Why? Just fucking why?

Do you think?

Do you think someone cares for you if they make you revisit your horrors?

Do you think someone misses you if they flirt around with others?

Do you think someone adores you if they torture you to death?

Do you think someone is your friend if they keep bringing tears to your eyes?

Do you think someone is true to you if all they did was never treat you as an equal?

Maybe...

Ashley Madison scam has brought the changing view of relationships to light. It's 2015 and it's all about the emotional romps in relationships. This is the time of exploring "options" besides the one you choose or are saddled with. It's the best tool for gamophobes, liars, cheaters, escapists and loners. 

I am an old soul. Of the days where passion and loyalty mattered. Where what you feel is respected atleast. Infidelity was a crime. The worst form of betrayal. This YOLO generation that we live in somehow has changed the definition of love. Gone are the days of Beethovan, Edgar Allan Poe, the likes of Jhonny cash, Romeo and Juliet, instead we are in a digital age where cheating is now a far easier and morally ok option. One comes and the other goes. Everything is fake, feelings, care etc. Heartbreakers are plenty in number. 

Social media platforms are the easiest because hey, the other does not have feelings. So test them, play them, hurt them because your agendas in life are clear. You wanna fuck around. You wanna live a sad, morose life as a pretext to lure people.It is never ok. But then again you can not drive the moral compass for anyone esp men who think from their dicks. 

I am not saying that back in the day people never had infidelities but they had the perfect love. That's the love I dream of. Because in reality it's not really just love.  That's the love I crave. Because it does not emcompass just the physical want but more. It had care for each others feelings, adoration, regrets and value for the feelings for one another. It understood the other and still carried on. It was a pillar to help one another walk the passage of whatever measly lives they had. Even if you lost the one you love, and life gave you another chance, you welcomed it with open arms eg sound of music, sideways, love affairs etc because you are lucky if you get lucky twice. 

Here is one example: my fav historical love letter

Transcript:

6 July, morning

My angel, my all, my own self — only a few words today, and that too with pencil (with yours) — only till tomorrow is my lodging definitely fixed. What abominable waste of time in such things — why this deep grief, where necessity speaks?

Can our love persist otherwise than through sacrifices, than by not demanding everything? Canst thou change it, that thou are not entirely mine, I not entirely thine? Oh, God, look into beautiful Nature and compose your mind to the inevitable. Love demands everything and is quite right, so it is for me with you, for you with me — only you forget so easily, that I must live for you and for me — were we quite united, you would notice this painful feeling as little as I should . . .

. . . We shall probably soon meet, even today I cannot communicate my remarks to you, which during these days I made about my life — were our hearts close together, I should probably not make any such remarks. My bosom is full, to tell you much — there are moments when I find that speech is nothing at all. Brighten up — remain my true and only treasure, my all, as I to you. The rest the gods must send, what must be for us and shall.

Your faithful

Ludwig

Monday evening, 6 July

You suffer, you, my dearest creature. Just now I perceive that letters must be posted first thing early. Mondays — Thursdays — the only days, when the post goes from here to K. You suffer — oh! Where I am, you are with me, with me and you, I shall arrange that I may live with you. What a life!

So! Without you — pursued by the kindness of the people here and there, whom I mean — to desire to earn just as little as they earn — humility of man towards men — it pains me — and when I regard myself in connection with the Universe, what I am, and what he is — whom one calls the greatest — and yet — there lies herein again the godlike of man. I weep when I think you will probably only receive on Saturday the first news from me — as you too love — yet I love you stronger — but never hide yourself from me. Good night — as I am taking the waters, I must go to bed. Oh God — so near! so far! Is it not a real building of heaven, our Love — but as firm, too, as the citadel of heaven.

6 July, morning

My angel, my all, my own self — only a few words today, and that too with pencil (with yours) — only till tomorrow is my lodging definitely fixed. What abominable waste of time in such things — why this deep grief, where necessity speaks?

Can our love persist otherwise than through sacrifices, than by not demanding everything? Canst thou change it, that thou are not entirely mine, I not entirely thine? Oh, God, look into beautiful Nature and compose your mind to the inevitable. Love demands everything and is quite right, so it is for me with you, for you with me — only you forget so easily, that I must live for you and for me — were we quite united, you would notice this painful feeling as little as I should . . .

. . . We shall probably soon meet, even today I cannot communicate my remarks to you, which during these days I made about my life — were our hearts close together, I should probably not make any such remarks. My bosom is full, to tell you much — there are moments when I find that speech is nothing at all. Brighten up — remain my true and only treasure, my all, as I to you. The rest the gods must send, what must be for us and shall.

Your faithful

Ludwig

Monday evening, 6 July

You suffer, you, my dearest creature. Just now I perceive that letters must be posted first thing early. Mondays — Thursdays — the only days, when the post goes from here to K. You suffer — oh! Where I am, you are with me, with me and you, I shall arrange that I may live with you. What a life!

So! Without you — pursued by the kindness of the people here and there, whom I mean — to desire to earn just as little as they earn — humility of man towards men — it pains me — and when I regard myself in connection with the Universe, what I am, and what he is — whom one calls the greatest — and yet — there lies herein again the godlike of man. I weep when I think you will probably only receive on Saturday the first news from me — as you too love — yet I love you stronger — but never hide yourself from me. Good night — as I am taking the waters, I must go to bed. Oh God — so near! so far! Is it not a real building of heaven, our Love — but as firm, too, as the citadel of heaven.

Good morning, on 7 July

Even in bed my ideas yearn towards you, my Immortal Beloved, here and there joyfully, then again sadly, awaiting from Fate, whether it will listen to us. I can only live, either altogether with you or not at all. Yes, I have determined to wander about for so long far away, until I can fly into your arms and call myself quite at home with you, can send my soul enveloped by yours into the realm of spirits — yes, I regret, it must be. You will get over it all the more as you know my faithfulness to you; never another one can own my heart, never — never! O God, why must one go away from what one loves so, and yet my life in W. as it is now is a miserable life. Your love made me the happiest and unhappiest at the same time. At my actual age I should need some continuity, sameness of life — can that exist under our circumstances? Angel, I just hear that the post goes out every day — and must close therefore, so that you get the L. at once. Be calm — love me — today — yesterday.

What longing in tears for you — You — my Life — my All — farewell. Oh, go on loving me — never doubt the faithfullest heart

Of your beloved

L

Ever thine.
Ever mine.
Ever ours.

( source: lettersofnote.com)

No one really writes like that anymore. I've never been written to like that before. I've only been cursed with fakers. Maybe that's what I deserve for trusting people and being vulnerable. I laid my complete and utter trust twice and failed miserably. I am broken now. I don't want to trust anyone completely. They don't value the tears you shed for them. They hardly care. You are replaceable.  I should be just like them, use and throw. Heartless people. 

Marriage is not a circle that binds you to each other, your respect for each other does. Marriage or commitment has no play in this. We may be aping the west blind but do we see how family oriented they are. How they cherish each other. Take care of each others feelings. It's like they have the ultimate friendship which also has love as a part of the beautiful bundle. The emotional bond that's once formed or developed over the time is not touched or broken or frayed in the stressful and chaotic lives. Any relationship requires effort. People don't want to make an effort. It's easy and rather cowardice to just put the blame on fate without moving an inch of your ass. 

Ashley Madison just found a way to commercialise this sick need to play people. The deviant mind where everything works. So maybe yes, I may not belong to this generation. I may be very possessive of who I love. I may not like to share who I care for....and maybe somewhere in my journey, i'll find someone who holds this close. Who values this. Who does not make me feel the horrors of my past again and again.  Who knows what my demons are and keeps them at bay but I know the hopes will be thwarted again because I don't think many old souls like mine are even alive in this world anymore.  

But Maybe one day, someday, just may be....

Perfect Amount of Lust!

 O'these dark nights,

I crave for you within,

You haunt me,

Day in and night,

The feel of your touch,

Your hands on my thigh,

Etch your self inside,

The tilt of your head,

Those fervent eyes,

Tracing your lips with mine,

Traverse each and every line,

Hands and legs entangled, 

Whispers in the night,

Scream your name,

Moan in delight,

Explore every inch of my soul,

With your eyes, touch and more,

The high's that will follow,

Transcending the universe,

Maybe we finally may find,

Tranquility in each other's sigh! 

Zero Hour!!

10...ish P.M - Imagine you enter a crowded nightclub, smoky ambience, drinks overflowing, you looking slightly cuter than usual (:p) and then as you are enjoying this moment, the DJ plays YOUR song ( yaaay) . Alcohol runs into your system, adrenaline rushes and you suddenly jump to the dance floor singing the lyrics along. This is why music, friends and alcohol is FUN. You lower your inhibitions; you forget about the world and boom you are your raw fun self. I have to admit alcohol makes me fun, right company with it makes me happier and dancing turns me on. There is something so elevating when you let your body sway to the music. Every worry leaves your body, you live for the moment and you revel.

Dance is an integral part of being a Punjabi. The moment we are born, we hear sounds of dhol reverberating through our souls. That is probably one of the reasons that I start dancing the minute I hear dhol playing. Anywhere. Anytime.  I have always been good at dancing, I started early. All the colony shows, man they were fun. Apparently I was very popular. Especially I used to do this Madhuri number – ek do teen…my dad was usually posted outside so one day he came from Ludhiana and came to see my show and had to stand on a chair to see me dance. People had gone crazy cheering and stuff hehe good memories. Though they never made a video of me so I could see it for myself. I found my school “slam book” a couple of days back and in that so many teachers had said that they still remember it, they still call me that but alas I will never know. How I was called “Chameli” by my dance teacher, who was disappointed when I didn’t complete my Bharatnatyam dance stages. Or how my entire clan is crazy for dance and it’s fab when we get together. So many stories (note to self – a blog post is required on these stories).

11:18 P.M -A night out is always fun, I write this post not under the influence of alcohol but the intoxication of music and laughter. I will add on to this throughout the night, FYI till I get the complete post out ( am hearing enough already being on the phone). As of now second round of drinks are here, friends are ready to get the party started (like it hasn't already) and I am hungry. I plan to get relatively drunk to enjoy the fun!

12:30 A.M – Phew! Taking a breather. While you are observing people, you realize that everyone has some struggle to go through. You may want to wish it away but why not dance it away. You see how some guys flirt, how some girls act pricey and some cheesy, couples in love can't keep their hands off each other. Some of the affluent class thinks they can use their attitude (read money, no class, huge egos, tinnie winnies D****) to hook up. Many do. But it’s always about the character man! It's not about how you love baby, it's about how you behave. Don’t even get me started on the various dance routines I am witnessing at the moment. (LOL). OK so much for PDA (get a room)!!!! Anyways will write again as am being pulled for dance and ooooo my current favourite song is on :p.

2.,....ish A.M – Sufficiently drunk, superbly high,could have danced a wee bit more but ....waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat a night!​!!

अफ़साना....

कहानियां जो अधूरी थी,

एक राजा और इक सितारे की,

ढुँढती थी आँखें, सहमी सी सांसे,

देखते थे दोनो चाँद को, ढुँढते थे अपने आप को। 

टकरार हुई एक बार, ठहर गई वो रात,

हुई दिलों की बात, मिले जब दो दिलदार,

उड़ती हुई मुलाकातें, जब कटती थी वो रातें,

धीमे धीमे से शब्द, बोलती थी साँसे। 

दिल के इकरार होते थे,गुफ्तगू और सुहानी,

होती थी तमन्ना, चमकते थे इरादे,

छूने की चाह थी,चूमती थी वो रातें,

ऐसी दिन थे वो ,उस्से भी प्यारी रातें। 

ऐसा अहसास क्यों हैं,की आप यहीं हो,

साँसे चल रहीं हैं,दूंद रही हैं आँखें। 

To Friends!

I always hold my friendships in high regard. There is a comfort level only you know that you share with them. We make connections with certain people instantly and some as we grow. We seek their presence in our life. We miss them when they are not around. 

As we age, depending on the exposure, we get often change our perceptions and thought process. We read, we learn and we discover new versions of knowledge, skewed or different perspectives and we move out of our comfort zone. Only if we want to. This is a prerequisite. This is how you meet great people, ones you change your life. They are the ones who turn out to be your 3:00 A.M friends, the ones you can talk about anything with, the ones who inspire you, help you, support you and the ones who are like gooey chocolate that comforts you. 

I feel so blessed that I have been lucky enough to be chosen with a set of such people who want me, this crazy crazy clan of mine who I am a totally different person with ( So I’ve been told) and I love it. My eyes shine and they ooze happiness. 

One thing that overwhelmed me today is how I influenced the lives of people I haven’t even met. How my words made a difference, how I made a difference to their lives. How I was missed and was lucky enough to be told about it. How I am valued, cared for and loved. I thank them my new friends, ones I will cherish for life because for me friendships means to be a true friend. It means that I will support, help, cater, love and tell right from wrong to my friends. They become family. They become me. 

To friendships till the end of time. To friendships that make life worthwhile. To the ones we wanted to cherish but were denied.

 Cheers! 

Explorations!

Travel diaries are my beloved kind of posts. They help you recollect picturesque reminiscences, emotions you felt at the moment you saw that place for the first time. They let you entrap the grandeur, the adventure that you will uncover. I have been exceptionally lucky these past couple of months. From a vacation to the hills, followed by a short trip next to the sea and now a road trip. 

There is a thrill to discover new routes. To have an amazing playlist that becomes your favorite companion ( of course good company does not hurt) but there is something soothing about the voice of the singer caressing you and the lyrics giving you quietude irrespective, if you visit a new location or one that you have already been to. Phenomena’s diverge. Landscape transforms and you are left amazed yet again. It leaves you with so many random thoughts, answers that you have been searching for. You need energy to be rejuvenated. To analyze your stance in life and yet sit back and enjoy it. You find your muse and your thoughts flow consented.

It lets you explore new clarity to fill various crevices, new conduits, new individuals; you meet and connect with different cultures. You acknowledge hospitality. You experience life. You realize different shades and you enjoy them. 

As the wind surges, you feel each hit of it and it cleanses you. The foliage, the terrestrial,  moves rapidly. You realize how fast pace life has become. How you want to scream and let the valley echo your voice.

A reminder that once you were there. Once you left your mark. Once you existed. 

A Message to You - My Future Dream Man!

I write this letter to you, share my dreams and hopes with you, waiting for you.....

Hey you,

You will enchant me. Every time that I think about you I hope to get this exultant feeling. Because you will make me speechless when we are together, I want to write to you, share this intoxicating feeling. You will be a gift and baby I will be so lucky to have you. You will excite me. Hun, how glad you will make me feel that I met you. For letting me be me, most of the times and pamper me in subtle ways, I will love it. For making my heart skip a beat every time. I will adore the little things you shall say, how comfortable you will make me with you.

 You will enthral me. When I will be on hate trip towards the world and you shall hold me till my demons sleep. I shall love it when you will share your deepest fears, strengths and weaknesses with me. Trust me I will walk with you every step of the way. I will absolutely adore you when you will come up with those sweet nicknames ( You won't ever believe I'd fall for that, but I will ). You will challenge me. I will love it when you will text me a "hi", or a small note to let me know you think of me too. For making me smile when am feeling sad. Making me believe that I shall rule your dreams. It will be so sweet, when you will make attempts to woo me. But baby, you already would have me. For all the makeup times after we will fight. For the goodies and the sweet nothings that you shall bribe me with.

You will seduce me, thrill me. It's such a delight thinking how you will tempt me and make my toes curl with your whispers. For those butterflies you will give me when you look at me after I've dressed up for you. How your fingers shall play on my skin, exploring.  Will you please stop giving me goosebumps of the good kind every night? How grateful I will be to spend every night, sharing stories, getting to know one another, guzzling the sweetness of your soul and tasting your tender heart. When I will gaze into those eyes, feel you caress me, I shall feel as though I am living a dream. For all the drunk nights we will have and the fun that will follow. Waking next to you will be bliss indeed.  For how you will kiss me deep, exploring my soul,when I shall surprise you with little revelations.For satisfying my every need. For all the passionate nights and days, when you will make my skin burn with desire. For the favourite spots on each other we will own. 

You will comfort me. You will know, how it feels like home when you shall hug me tight. Baby, I will get lost in those hugs. I will feel like walking on the clouds, protected and loved in that embrace. I shall find serenity when I will sleep on your chest and hear your heartbeat, slightly increasing when I shall begin to trace your skin. I shall love your smell, I will carry it with me when I will leave for work. I will take a whiff of it when I shall miss you. For kissing away my tears and sweat too. How you will take care of me. For rubbing my back when I will be cramping. For babysitting when I will be sick.For calming me when I will be anxious. I will be so thankful for being you, your sins and all. How you will know about my crazy family but still hold my hand throughout. We will never take each other for granted.

We will make each other better. How I won't like it when you will tickle me. How I shall find you cute when you will watch movies with me especially the ones you don't want to see. Thank you for being there for me, meeting me halfway always. I will love it when you will get me a glass of wine when you grab a beer for yourself. When you will listen to me vent non stop, tell me when am wrong and stop me from making idiotic mistakes. Thank you baby for supporting me in whatever I shall wish to do.

And I will be so thankful to you for the life you will give me to cherish, the moon to see, how your love for me will enslave me for eternity.

Until we meet.....Smooches 

Me 

Shopaholic!

Shopping is not a disease, it is a stress buster. There is a certain amount of heavenly satisfaction ( better than sex at times) that you get when you head to the market, choose pretty things, haggle and have fun with friends or family.

There are so many choices. Anyone and everyone can choose, all ranges. Sale season does motivate you. So much browsing, it's amazing. Combine with laughter, street food and masti ( FUN) 

Enough said - here is the loot 

Are We Really Free?

Independence Day….It has been 69 years since we got our “Freedom”, but I always question the freedom that we have at the moment. We abuse it. We don’t value it. The people who were oppressed are the ones who needed it. They wanted freedom for us. Their future, their pride, for us they gave their lives. Families lost loved ones. Children lost their parents, abandoned for what?

Today we live in a time where freedom is mistaken and taken for granted. We don’t hold our country dear. We break rules, yes we do question some and revise them but we still are roped. Why is it that you need to be told to respect women? Why is it that you need guidelines to keep your country, your communities and your households clean? Why is it that you think rage, rape, crime, murder etc. are ok and your right? Who gave you the right to take the life of another? How is it ok? Do you need rules to help someone who is in danger? Do you need to be told to stand up for each other? Do you need to be told to keep your children safe and not take advantage of them? We are not really free. We are caged by our emotions, by our limited thought process, by our wrong moral values, by material things.

We live in a country where we don’t have a say. Our governance is poor. They battle out on trivial issues, their decisions are wrong. Bureaucrats and politicians make empty promises. There is no concept of selflessness. People abuse the power that they have and for what. Selfishness is a trait of our government. There are innumerable scandals. The voices who speak are muffled or shut down. If this is what we celebrate every year, I question it and will question it. People like our politicians distribute alcohol for votes; there are criminals who are put in charge to rule us. Cases that are not registered, victims who are not provided justice. Being a Libra (moon sign), I have this inherent trait for balance. I have to some extent lost faith in the justice system. A friend’s sister is married to a cop and she underwent domestic violence. A cop, who is an alcoholic, had numerous affairs, did that. I still get goosebumps when I remember seeing her bruised pictures. Who protects us from such people because they are the system. Maybe I am generalizing here but this happens. There are police men who do help you. There are many who laid their lives to protect us. One bad seed and that's how the image is tainted. But that was the moment I released that you cannot expect people to protect you. You protect yourself unless by the grace of God, some blessed soul may seek you out and help you.

Where I work, I see some get harassed – mentally and sexually. I see people getting jobs because they either bribed or got a minister or a secretary to help them or someone they are related to is there. Papers are leaked, they are manipulated. RTIs keep pouring in and if you do good work, you either become a dog or your character is assassinated. I see people who don’t work knowing that they have a secure job. All they do is sit in the office the entire day without doing an ounce of work. How is it ok to lick ass and climb to the top. How is mediocrity ok?

Why is our country is digressing day by day? Why do we have to launch national programs just to ensure that girls atleast have the basic right to be born? Why do we need schemes to make sure that our children don’t die because they don’t have anything to eat wherein at the other end parents splurge money on luxuries? The world is not fair and every once in a while I feel like changing it. But then again what will one voice do. The rest adjust, the rest follow suit, what can I do but my bit?  So I help out when I can. I blatantly tell people off when they do wrong. I know that pisses people off but hey that’s me. I try to do as much charity as I can ( even though I need some at times), I try. That's my vow to my country. That I will try!

Even though there is everything wrong that can be with the system, we crib about it every day but on Independence Day I become a little (ish) patriotic. For those men and women who laid their lives for me today to voice this thought. For those men and women who want to truly help others. For those who still fight for us. For those who see the injustice, without caring for their own life, still protect. For those who value death and the sacrifices made. For those who raise their voice without any agenda – political or otherwise. Maybe they are those same people reincarnated because they love their country. Them I salute. Them I respect. My patriotism is for them.

Jai Hind!

A Tale Untold!

Tormented hearts they held inside,

Full of devotion, craving and fervor alike,

A mind so full of melancholies,

They coveted sanctuary in each other,

Words they inscribe are not just epistles merged right,

They are smithereens of a wrecked core,

Wails are the ink they abuse,

There is a bantam hope that glistens in their eyes,

Hands that seek the right,

O’ such desolate words they write,

Full of unfulfilled wishes of theirs,

Which still hope to find an amorous succor,

To soothe the wrinkles of their eyes,

Waiting to embrace in a world of delight,

As they heave a sigh, the pain reignites,

Abandoned dreams, became the thorns in life,

They walk the road alone now,

They walk the road deprived of love now,

Awaiting, yearning, dreaming alike.

The Travel Bug!

The wanderlust gene in me always screams when I come back from a cosy and magnificent vacation. This pixie little gene makes me want to plan for the next one. Travelling is something that I really enjoy, thankfully I have a family who supports it and enjoys it as well. Though I totally hate packing and unpacking (luggage limitations you see), anyway as I was saying, I love it nonetheless. So here is my travel bucket list, which hopefully I will be able to fulfil till I turn 50 :  

  Greece: There is something so powerful about the sea, it almost calls to me. Greece is one place I truly want to visit. Such grandeur. 

Egypt: I have always been fascinated by the Pyramids, such amazing works of art and their history. A must visit definitely. The city ain’t bad either. The sphinx is especially my favorite. I have seen The Mummy series say about 60 times till now. Yeah! 

Tuscany : Ever since I’ve watched “Under the Tuscan Sun”, I have been dying to visit this dreamy land. Imagine sipping tea early morning and this view.

Maldives : I’ve seen enough clips of the resorts there and OMG. Plus I’ve heard they have a resort underwater. I mean and I repeat – OMG!

 Ireland : I love Irish men and hence I love Ireland, plus the scenic view, the castles, water falls, wide green acres, I can go on and on and on 

  Switzerland : For the love of chocolates and breathtaking view.

 Amazon Rainforests – I mean I know the weather will be horrid but imagine the fun. The biggest challenge is to get away from civilization and survive.  ( I will be shit scared because I hate reptiles).

   Morocco – Just for the food – period

  London – because I so want to meet dear friends and shopping ofcourse. Plus a quite little cottage somewhere in the country side will not hurt.

Paris : There is something about France that excites you. Even though I’ve heard that they are pretty racist. I would still just love sitting at a patisserie, gazing at the Eiffel Tower.

  Rome : So much history, enough said.

Venice – Imagine sitting in a Gondola, ( I have and it’s wonderful but in two measly malls), with music and you floating away into serenity. That.

 USA – I have seen bits of it, need to visit all the states. Note to self – Must visit Vegas again and again and again.

Mexico – there is something about Mexico that calls to you, people are amazing and you have to see its undeniable beauty. Ofcourse Aztec is a must visit. Also the fact that it is one of the largest producers of chocolate does not hurt. Hello Mariachi band, Tequila, Guacamole, Burritos etc etc etc. 

Japan – there is something incredibly beautiful about this place. The culture itself is so intriguing. The architecture, so pretty.

So hopefully I get to make this happen till am about 50. Images, courtesy Google till I can replace them with the ones I take :) Who knows after that right