Waiting for a change...

My brain never sleeps on nights like these. It keeps thinking over and over. I hate the fact that I remember words that slash me. It's a curse. But I like it how it rains, it gives me peace. Always happens when am really sad. Atleast it's good to have some company.

Funny how people dispaly the worst behaviour towards the ones that care for them. Why? Maybe because they know they can get away with it. No matter how much they display a certain character or good will, they finally show their true nature. Words are always easy, actions always smaller. Selflessness is not even a thought. Ego is what rules. Why? Just because they know that people who care for them will take that shit. They know because they will come around. That needs to change. Immaturity should never be the pretence to hurt someone. Basis their illogical and stupidity, hurting someone using what they hate most is never ok. 

In today's time, it often is very easy to just disconnect. There is no shame, no guilt anyways. It is easy to fake identities, change the means you communicate. Because when one story ends, the other can start again. Maybe that's the thrill they seek or maybe it's just sadism. I don't know. Still confused about that. 

Words are detrimental. Never trust them. What character do you hold when you hurt others. Purposely. Why cry wolf then? Heartless, cold, ruthlessly deceiving people, that's our legacy. Are there any genuine people left? How much of humanity is left? People just manipulate your emotions. 

I am a simpleton. Always have been. I don't want to change. People force it. I still believe maybe one day, people will be kind. What's the point of living in a world full of emotional chaos. I am happy when a child smiles back. I am happy when I see a beautiful sight. I am happy living in one room, eating from the road, sitting and reading. I am happy when someone cares back. I am happy when they mean what they say. I am happy to know that when I give, I give myself totally. I don't lie or manipulate. I am happy when I trust them and they maintain it. I am happy when they don't make me cry. When they value my words, my advice. I am way too adjusting and compromising. Maybe that's the nature I should change. 

I look at people and see how their eyes shift quick. How their words don't match their actions. How they try to play smart.  Catch their lies. I know them inside and out but I still choose to see the potential they have to be good. Maybe they fake that too. But I still believe in them. Maybe that's why I feel bad. Like really bad. Because I am way too gullible.

I hate my brain when it goes into thinking mode. I think more than me my eyes hate it. They need rest. I hate the fact that you can't trust people with your care, words, thoughts, trust and heart. I hate the fact that you cannot make them respect it. I hate the fact that I can handle anything. At what cost, I don't know yet. I read this somewhere and it stayed with me...