Damned Mornings!

There is a mundane routine that sets in when you are nursing a heartbreak. It becomes a pattern. You may turn into an insomniac at times but you wake up everyday wishing that things would have a sense of normality again. Your life will have some balance again. You live each day with a mask. You envisage a future that is not bland. Alcohol as per popular belief does not help. You end up nursing a massive hangover too. 

Then your mornings turn to ash, time fades as you lay immobile and rethink the past. Day after day after day. Nothing really changes, you try to understand their perspective and then you try to console yourself. You try to understand their reasons amd then you cry again. You get angry and then you feel helpless. You sometimes force yourself to forget. You try to reason some shit. You start to compare your life with others. You become a little envious of all. You try to nitpick your faults. You break. You reassess. You feel sad. You make shallow promises to yourself. Your life, your heart, your mind belongs to other. It is ruled mercilessly by another. 

So much pain a person is capable of feeling and giving the other. Words hurt like lashes. They scar. Moreso if you are cursed with a sensitive and emotional nature. You tend to not forget certain things. You lock them everyday, to wake up and live each day. They keep knocking throughout the day. But you silence them anyway. You smile, you pretend to be happy even when your heart is bursting and your head is hurting. This is life. This is what you become. You become numb, you become tolerant, you become patient. Waiting for the night to come when you can open your wounds again and let them bleed. 

Life has a purpose. You have a story. Maybe the moral is to not love with your all. Maybe it teaches you to be kind, charitable, helpful, true, creative but not to love. So, Love fully when you know it is valued. Love fully when you know it will not harm you. Love fully when it gives you happiness. Love fully when your worth is known. Love fully when you love yourself. Love fully when you know they will stay. Love fully when you know it will never end. Love fully when you can't be erased. Love fully when you are written everywhere. Love fully when you can't be replaced. Love fully when they support you through pain. Love fully when you will not be blamed. Love fully when it makes you smile again. Love fully when it does not end up in a cry. Love fully when both your needs are met. Love fully when you are accepted as you are. Love fully when you fight but makeup too. Love fully when you get and give respect. Love with caution! Love should never be regret.