How is it that we live our life harboring
all that we want to do and never seem to have the courage or are lazy to just
get up, and start doing it. There I am on a mission to clear out the clutter
from my life, get a direction , some objective, get motivated and do something.
As I sit in front of the pile of
clothes I have taken out to chuck or the papers that need recycling all I can
do is sit opposite my guitar I acquired 8 years back and think - when will I play
the songs that I love. When will I be able to write music and experience the
joy of creating something unique? I pick up the guitar and strum a little
knowing how my fingers itched to play these strings which now lay rusted in front
of me.
As I reposition to the other
corner I see a brochure of pottery class, and I remember that passion that I had
to connect with Mother Nature, align my self with her and suddenly after 5 years there it sits on a
bunch of old magazines that I want to pitch.
Then I found something so valuable
which took me back to my school years when I thought I would conquer the world.
A list of to – do things that needed to be done before I turned 30. As I panic I
realize that I wasted 8 years of my life crying over petty things, doing almost
nothing for myself and my deadline is approaching. 2 more years and I cross
into the thirties -* depressed*. Where is that girl who wanted to follow her
dreams, fall in love, sings stupid romantic songs do almost all of the crazy things.
I fell in love, my dreams changed merged into others, the picture to please
another came into my being. Responsibility came, new relationships formed and I
forgot about the most important person – ME. When did she disappear and when
did this sulky, lazy and scared person emerge is something that needs a lot of
perspective and reflection.
I feel my life is at a
standstill, with only years moving away. When will I be motivated, who shall be
my muse. I never wanted to be the person who looks back at her life only to see
that she has not accomplished anything that she had her heart set on. Why is it
that when we grow up we hide away our dreams, they change, we mold them into something
that others would have wanted us to do.
Today as I sit in front of my
diary - a blast from the past I feel I have nothing but utter respect for that
person that I used to be. I need that courage, I need that spirit. I need me
back!
