Are You a Control Freak?

Even as adults, there are days when you end up fighting with your siblings. Irrespective of how good a relationship you have with them, there will always be some points of clash. We often take family for granted. That’s the one thing that we can too if you are lucky enough. The fact that you are united by blood may have some say. Individual personalities often take roots and create some amount of clash. One thing that I have learnt is that you cannot in any situation impose your will on anyone. Whether they take it, live it or berate it, under pressure or get annoyed but still do it. If you live your life a certain way, you really have no authority over the way the other lives especially when the other is an adult too. Priorities may be different but that does not mean that everyone is a perfectionist. Procrastination is a trait in many and should never be undermined. No one wants to be pushed into doing things they don’t want to always.  For instance, one person may prefer to wake up and get things done quickly. They may want to clean first, or do the home chores first while the other might like to wake up to steaming cuppa and read the news or relax before taking on the day. This is individual nature and should never be imposed; I say distribute the responsibility and let the other manage it. Being a control freak never really leads to appreciation.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my siblings but sometimes it's very difficult to deal with them. This leads to disharmony and I hate that really. The level of frustration totally kills me and I just have to vent. One of my sisters is a control freak. She has a great heart but sometimes her habits drive me crazy. She usually is a fun person, I have loads of fun with her but when she gets into her Monica mode, there is no stopping her. The worst is that she will use the points or things you have shared with her strategically at this point that it really kills it. I mean if you have a generous heart, which she does, you shouldn't make the other feel burdened because of it. If you have a set pattern, which she does because she has been living away from home for almost 12 years now and I can totally understand that she is now set in her patterns. There are some flaws of hers which just do not do. Like she will not share the entire facts, she will do as she sees fit explaining that she has been around the world and dealt with many people, I agree which gives her an edge but hey we are not fools here either. Plus, she has this nasty habit of fighting. She has been for a very long time. She gets aggressive these days and I know that since she is going through a rough patch, this is bothering her but still...SHE IS SUCHA CONTROL FREAK!

Control freaks usually have certain points that egg the other on and end up usually in a disagreement of sorts. Constructive criticism is only so much tolerated. There is a limit to when you should draw the line or the giver must understand how it affects the other person. It’s great that you know the right way to do some work and by all means you should be the one doing that job. Why make the other do it on your terms? So in order to determine if you are a control freak and you are making someone else’s life a misery please check the following:

• Someone else’s behavior when changed can bring you happiness. So, you “help” them and “tell” them what they are doing wrong or what their flaws are, only to make them become a better person.
• You have a set notion on how things should run. No one is allowed free time, neither do you. You are constantly on the move and expect others to do the same.
• You keep judging a person as per your standards and let them know it too.
• Constructive criticism” is always a good thing (NOT)
• You scare them into believing that what they don’t do or are not doing might lead to devastating consequences.
• You avoid confrontation and start the blame game.

I cannot help you with how to deal with a control freak but I’ll let you know once I figure it out for myself.

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