OFS Frame 43

Just a Dream..

Not meant to be,

But was it wrong to dream,

To dream of a life,

Sleeping next to you every night,

To find you smiling,

Caressing, making my heart skip a beat. 

So out of reach,

But was it wrong to dream,

Holding you in my arms,

Sharing and what not. 

You will never come to me,

But was it wrong to dream,

To hold me close when I cried,

To laugh and make me sigh,

To just be you for just me,

To just be there for me. 

How it ended in a minute,

But was it wrong to dream,

In an instant it shattered,

Still searching for reflections within. 

Waiting for a change...

My brain never sleeps on nights like these. It keeps thinking over and over. I hate the fact that I remember words that slash me. It's a curse. But I like it how it rains, it gives me peace. Always happens when am really sad. Atleast it's good to have some company.

Funny how people dispaly the worst behaviour towards the ones that care for them. Why? Maybe because they know they can get away with it. No matter how much they display a certain character or good will, they finally show their true nature. Words are always easy, actions always smaller. Selflessness is not even a thought. Ego is what rules. Why? Just because they know that people who care for them will take that shit. They know because they will come around. That needs to change. Immaturity should never be the pretence to hurt someone. Basis their illogical and stupidity, hurting someone using what they hate most is never ok. 

In today's time, it often is very easy to just disconnect. There is no shame, no guilt anyways. It is easy to fake identities, change the means you communicate. Because when one story ends, the other can start again. Maybe that's the thrill they seek or maybe it's just sadism. I don't know. Still confused about that. 

Words are detrimental. Never trust them. What character do you hold when you hurt others. Purposely. Why cry wolf then? Heartless, cold, ruthlessly deceiving people, that's our legacy. Are there any genuine people left? How much of humanity is left? People just manipulate your emotions. 

I am a simpleton. Always have been. I don't want to change. People force it. I still believe maybe one day, people will be kind. What's the point of living in a world full of emotional chaos. I am happy when a child smiles back. I am happy when I see a beautiful sight. I am happy living in one room, eating from the road, sitting and reading. I am happy when someone cares back. I am happy when they mean what they say. I am happy to know that when I give, I give myself totally. I don't lie or manipulate. I am happy when I trust them and they maintain it. I am happy when they don't make me cry. When they value my words, my advice. I am way too adjusting and compromising. Maybe that's the nature I should change. 

I look at people and see how their eyes shift quick. How their words don't match their actions. How they try to play smart.  Catch their lies. I know them inside and out but I still choose to see the potential they have to be good. Maybe they fake that too. But I still believe in them. Maybe that's why I feel bad. Like really bad. Because I am way too gullible.

I hate my brain when it goes into thinking mode. I think more than me my eyes hate it. They need rest. I hate the fact that you can't trust people with your care, words, thoughts, trust and heart. I hate the fact that you cannot make them respect it. I hate the fact that I can handle anything. At what cost, I don't know yet. I read this somewhere and it stayed with me...

Detritus!

Shrunk now, larger than life it was,

Scared now, full of hurt it is,

Tainted spirits, jaded memories,

Mind and soul, worlds apart. 

Inch by inch, fell to its demise,

Brick by brick, a wall resides,

Drop by drop, tears were defined,

Word by word, this love died. 

Slipping sands of time,

Thoughts fade, a new crime,

Murdered feelings, eyes wide awake,

Trust shattered, hopes smeared again. 

Pushed around, torn apart,

Jolted and throttled,

Finally succumbed to demise,

O' this jilted heart of mine. 

Dead

Alone in this world we come,
Alone we have to leave,
Where one day souls meet,
We finally join the one we seek.

If not in this world we live today,
Let it be when we die,
Forever together without any strings,
The ones that hold us by.

We bear pain in our heart,
All the while we are alive,
Give us a chance to feel free,
Just once, Just tonight,
To hold tight in forever delight.

Bummer!

Why is it that just when you accept the cards that are dealt to you, universe conspires against it. Always. Just when you manage to mend yourself and your ways, fates lay a twisted road ahead. Is it just my luck? 

I vowed to never repeat my mistakes, so that I can protect myself from hurt. Didn't happen. Situations build and people came into my life who made me slightly rethink my ways. Then again the universe threw a curve ball and I landed in a soup yet again. Same old issues, same old story. Everyone is the same. 

Oh no, not that easy they thought, just when I counselled, motivated, consoled myself to get my to my chosen path and get rid of the murky feelings I read this :

Fuck this, this is only for me right. The other does not even give a damn! So why is the dedication and the effort my job? What is this supposed to mean? 

Why is it that only my determination is tested? Why is it that only I make the efforts? Why is it that I am always taken for granted? 

They really should give you a guidebook when you are born. They should keep ready an instructor for life. Where are the seat-belts?Inspite of the fact that I absolutely love roller coasters, I hate this one. Guess I will only know the day my journey ends. Till then no sorry universe, I am just not gonna intervene. You do your thing and I will do mine. 

My Escape!

The serenity of the sea,

Serenading to the moon,

O' see the beauty. 

The stars weave a story,

Sprawled across the sky,

Two different places,

Two unnerving sighs.

The waves creep up slow,

To touch the sand for a moment or two,

Tides dive back into the source,

Only to get back to its glorious core.