A Ready Reckoner for Love and Life!

As we grow up we either pine away or towards love, the kind of love we dream about or the kind of love we seek or had. But somehow in our situation and the experiences we have, we often turn it rancid. There are some who are lucky in the pursuit of it; there are some who are happy when they get it, for however brief time it may be, there are some who remain forever hopeful. Sometimes a life lived becomes the breeding ground for all sorts of disappointments. We often stick to memories of youth or the ill parts of a bitter experience and then shape our lives according to it.

Love has been placed in a confined box and its definition has been twisted around to bring to one’s reason only. Love never gets you happiness. It’s the things you do in love that bring you that joy and you cherish those particular memories. Love is effort. To choose to be happy with the one who chose you. With so many others as option, they chose you. They love you. Respect that.  Love is never abusive, a person’s regard for you is. Love is never meant to be a road block; it’s supposed to open paths. Yet somehow we turn love into a wall and then use it against others.

Love should evolve. You may fall for a person for who they are but their behaviour, their trust, and faith is what keeps you together. You never want to live in the constant fear of being abandoned. If you want someone in your life, you make the effort. You need to have reverence for the other, the special things they do for you. A regard for their care and their time which they invest in you. Everyone looks and hopes for a happy and prosperous life and yet every one of us deals with hurt and disappointment at one point in our life. For instance, people who encounter their first sexual experience with a partner who they lost may not want to proceed to give another a chance, till they find a loving partner.  But some take life as it comes. They understand what was not meant to be and move on. It hurts like hell, yes, but it also gives them another chance to better their life. Love is never meant to hurt; it is a process that begins as a chemical reaction or an attraction towards certain attributes but it should not render you tears. That is not what love is.

“Love does not obey our expectations; it obeys our intentions.” ~Lloyd Strom

I read somewhere, a story by Silverstein, about a tiny piece that was missing its whole – it tried other pieces that tried to fit in, but it never really worked out. Then one day, it met something that had no missing pieces, which was complete on its own, and then the tiny piece learned that it does not need to fit with anyone else, it was complete on its own.

How you shape your story is never in your own hands, because there are always two people who are involved in love. The will to live it well is your choice. One sided or unrequited love will only lead to an unhappy place. There may be a lot of people we meet in our life and fall in love with, but they may not always be good for us, but sometimes we don’t even give it a chance because of our pre-set notions and thoughts. Our first romantic relationship for instance builds the critical thinking of how we look at other relationships. If it is a positive experience we build stronger bonds throughout our life whereas the negative experiences that we have like the loss of first love and under what circumstances it was dealt to us matter a lot. In life, you will get what is written. You will get what is meant for you. Whether it's pain or happiness, it is a journey. 

 For many like me, surviving a painful loss made me more resilient.  It took a lot of time to get to that stage and a lot of challenges too. I tried a lot of things, did a lot of stupid things, cried like crazy and purposely closed my mind towards various memories. 5 years of constant struggle to wake up everyday wishing things were different and hoping for just peace and not happiness. How you battle out every single day, how you cry yourself to sleep. How you want the affection of that one person who broke you, even if it's an apology but sometimes that never comes. People do not possess the same heart as yours, they will not do the things you are willing to do for them. So every time I have a negative experience, I go back to my shell. I remember all the years of struggle, and how much effort it took to come out of it.  But what we forget is that one experience doesn't define us. I found it again, the prospect to love but sadly it did not want to find me. Too much focus on the negative aspects of a loss is not a reflection of who you are because again there are two people involved. You try as hard you can, but you should never have to beg for love and affection.

I am happy not getting “love” anymore, neither I want to actively look for it again. A heart so broken that the will to search for it is no longer there, a choice made needs to be faced.  “This too shall pass”, it always does. You should seek understanding, care, respect and trust of a person. Those are the things which need work, love then follows. If you love a person truly, sometimes the paramount act of love is to let a person go. If two people are not scared to lose each other or miss the other, there is no hope anyway. You deserve to be loved as an equal when you give your love to another. It is a relief when you find a person who accepts you as you are, with whom you don't have to pretend. Where you can be comfortable doing all the mundane things and still wake up feeling beautiful and wanted no matter how butt ugly you feel you are. Where there is no pretence, no struggle to feel secure. Love is not something that happens for a few hours every day. Love is surviving the times when you don't want to talk to the other person, when there is lack of communication or understanding, when your thoughts differ but you still try to understand the others perspective. When you choose to be loyal and faithful to the one who lives with you day in and out, knows your strengths and weaknesses but even though they have the option , they never play with what hurts you the most. When you want change but not the kind you expected. Love happens in those moments.

As is it, it’s so tough to find genuine people these days; there are people who want you for your money, your body, your words, your status or your beauty. But there are so many other challenges in life that you need someone who will encourage you to fight your own battles. Someone who wants you for whatever the mess you are.  Everyone lives the time they have been given, but how we live it, is up to us. Maturity is when you accept things as they are and move on to lead a life with sad and happy phases. How else will you know true happiness if you never experience sadness of the worst kind.