Facade!

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.  --    Maya Angelou

Life’s lessons are meant to kill. They especially come from the places you never thought you would ever learn. A new lesson I’ve learnt the past couple of days is – “Beware of the people who say they want to see you happy. They will be the first ones to hurt you and taint your life.” Because the people who really want to see you happy will not say it but take steps to make you happy.

There is a sort of an ironical twist to the entire thing as well. In order to not be sad, you want to run to the person who made you sad (most often or you may want to kill them – that’s another post) but the fact of the matter is that, you miss them. Beyond every pain, every ruthless word, every lie, you miss them. But I have realized that this world is cruel. If you have bad experiences, they should be lessons for you to NOT do the same to the other, because you know the pain, you are familiar with it, you’ve lived it. Yet, if you consistently make the other suffer using the manner that you know they would hurt most with, you deserve the pain. 

This life will have your path run with numerous people, sadly you don’t choose some. You cannot even trust your judgement in this world. For instance, a person who you thought would never hurt you the way you’ve been hurt before will do the very same thing. It destroys you. It shatters whatever sanity you had managed to carve out of the stone of your being. They annihilate it. The easiest thing to do is leave. That’s the way to escape battles within you and apparently with others. Why can’t you stand and fight, to resolve issues. No, fight is no longer an option but flight is. A single moment, one statement can hurt you. It can break you. It can kill you.

People cannot be trusted. If you lay your trust and more importantly love in them, you do expect them to take a little caution to it. But in turn you know when they leave, how much you matter to them. Even if they feel horrid after the event, do they come back? Do they apologize? When they don’t bother for the one thing you are petrified of, knowing that it would break you. How is this even Ok? Moreover, hurting yourself over it, how will that help when you murder someone’s broken pieces.  Why come into someone’s life if you never want to be a part of their life? I've fallen for words many times before, this time, I know actions mean more. If someone truly cares for you, they will not let the world know. They will let YOU know. That’s what worth more.

“Life is short”, is not the frame of mind I now reside with. Life is very long. You will live the time you are meant to. But what use is it then to live the life with your ego, knowing and feeling the way you do, you still let your ego win. Why repent and why antagonize yourself when you let your ID rule you.  Then why does it matter (or maybe it actually doesn't).

You can cry yourself to sleep every night because you have to put a brave face every morning. What do you do when you know that you don’t matter because you were never written anywhere? Your tears are not worth anything and will never be prioritized over someone’s ego. There are a lot of reasons to be sad, it’s not really something you can encompass and confine to a list and check the boxes. But it is actually an amalgamation of a lot of little pieces, stories and experiences that make you sad.

Sadness is never singular. Surprisingly, when you are sad and you don’t have the ability to fake your emotions (yes, you are doomed), your sadness has the capacity for mass destruction. Why is it, that sadness can’t be yours and only yours? People should just let you be and let you cry it out, fight it out, scream it out.  Because you don’t matter, if you did, they’d show you and you’d know. They'd be there to wipe the tears you cry everyday. Yes, then you really know.