When you are ignorant, you maybe happy but then you are unaware of so many other emotions as well. As I sit by my window, staring towards gigantic mountains, clouds the shapeshifter, how I wish I would become numb and immune to emotions. I hate being sensitive and sentimental, little things affect me. Memories haunt me. Day in, day out I am becoming quieter, I am beginning to learn to accept things. I am beginning to change myself. Forced change but hopefully it will protect me from hurt.
How do you know? how can you predict the people who walk into your life will benefit it or make it worse? People change, facades increase, you never can envisage what the culmination might be.
I am not comfortable with who I am anymore, my head and heart pull me in directions unknown. Broken, shattered pieces of my hopes and dreams, is what I lay on today. I am not for one to compete with people. I hardly cared for being "popular" or "cool", being a good person was my aim. Where does that lead you? Nowhere in the world today. You have to be heartless, ruthless, selfish and inhumane to get what you want. Not necessarily what you may deserve. How is that even living? I know no different way. And because of this, I stand broken and defeated. Every charm, every passion, every excitement I had is dead. There is the real me somewhere buried underneath it, but she is so far behind that I am beginning to lose touch with her. Maybe, now I will be able to survive...
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