Once upon a time, there was a happy girl. She bore no worries of the world and lived her life to the fullest. Then as youth took over, she thought she found what she thought was the love of her life. Rubila had been so happy, started dreaming of the future but as fates would have it, she saw her dream broken. Years passed and she tried to catch a glimpse of the little happy girl who was trapped under the mountain of misery. Slowly, she learned how to live with the pain. She learnt how to lock away the hurt and pain. She decided to live again.
As she was on a path of
self-discovery, there came a man Baahir, who she believed was as broken as her.
One day he spoke to her, told her things he said no one else knew. They bonded
over heart break and sorrow. As the days grew to nights, they connected on. Rubila
enjoyed how Baahir challenged her mind. She wanted to be by his side. The
things Baahir did for her, gave her goosebumps. She always valued little
things. They were two intimate souls who were pulled towards each other. Rubila
never wanted to feel again because she was the kind of woman who gave her all. She
knew that if she was not careful, she would slip. Baahir sustained the path,
made Rubila fall for him. She thought to trust him and let him inside to
finally find peace. She thought of Baahir as the friend and a comrade that
would support her, heal her too. She knew how she had fought her way to sanity
and she wanted to do the same for Baahir. She did not want love, just
friendship and understanding of Baahir. She wanted to take care of him. She
wanted to heal him. Her pain made her miserable, one smile and her day was
made. She knew that if she had fell for him, she would be at his side no matter
what. She cared not of what he was, but who he was. She told him all about her
insecurities, all her weakness. He laid a trap of words and she went through
the slide, she slipped. She started
feeling a little, she waited for his words, she worried and cared for him so.
Then one day Baahir left her. Rubila
felt so lost and wounded. She did not know what she had done wrong. Baahir made
sure that he left no means of communication. Rubila had always been an open
book. Baahir was clever. He left her with an eerie silence. Rubila was
paralysed into non action. She lay lump with only tears by her side. She wrote,
that’s the only way she could console herself. She never thought Baahir would
do this to her, of all the people she never expected him to hurt her because he
knew what would kill her. But Baahir poisoned her. She cried day and night. Her
eyes sacrificed their sanity and then the unthinkable happened. Baahir came
back one day, explaining to her that he was scared and unable to move away from
his past, he told her why he left. He tested her time and again. She coped
every now and then but still pined for him because he had made sure she falls
for him.
Time and again this became a
pattern. Rubila cursed the fates again but then Baahir came back, that’s how he
pulled her and pushed her back from and to insanity. She thought he felt the
same, scared as he may have been but he cared for her. Things soon used to get
back to normal but they grew closer everytime or so she thought. Everytime Baahir
brought her closer to him only to thwart her out again. He left her three more
times only to come back. He told her she had become his crutch, the one he
always came back to. And inspite of every hurt, she took him back. The made
promises to each other, she thought Baahir would keep, thinking he was mature
enough but then again he used all her weaknesses as ammunition against her. One
night, he broke her again. He was used to letting go; she was used to walking
away. She left to cry alone for nights together. She decided to let things be
this time, Baahir still called to her, making her rethink her decision. She
thought that maybe her absence would make Baahir overcome his fear and come to
terms with how he felt for her. Maybe they could be friends, for she felt for
him, cried for him.
But little did Rubila know, time does help see
past people’s appearances. Baahir found distraction in Pakiza. He serenaded her
with words, talks of love and more. All that he shied away from Rubila. That
killed her soul. She still gave Baahir the benefit of doubt. Baahir had always
kept Rubila in the dark. He had lied to her, duped her and left her. And yet
again forced by her heart, she decided to give him a chance to tell her the
truth. She waited patiently, still waiting with open arms. She missed him
terribly, she had always been honest about her feelings for him, even if Baahir
had not been. She liked how she had saved little of him with her and how she
read him or heard him, such a miserable fool she had become. Baahir, dwindled
between both. He played the strings of both. But just as Rubila thought she
would let him go, Baahir caught her again. He gave her a ray of hope again.
Pakiza, went unaware, looking for a lover she had lost too. She saw glimpses of
him in Baahir, he aided it too. That had been Pakiza’s pattern too. She was a
misguided, hungry soul who clung to anyone who would attend to her. Rubila went
through this torture again. Baahir had found another of her weakness and used
it to torture her. She grew frail and weak. She was lost . Rubila did not have
the strength to relive her horrors again. She had sacrified a lot of herself to
survive with what had happened to her. She did not wish to go through the same
again. Lust for Baahir pulled Pakiza in for just as he pulled in Rubuila, he
let go of Pakiza and when finally she thought she came home to Baahir, he
locked her out again.
It was tough for Rubila to tell
Baahir that she knew who he really was. She knew the truth about most lies he
had told her. She could walk upto to where he was but she didn’t. She wanted to
gain his trust and then his adoration. She wanted him to tell her that what she
had thought he felt was true or even if Baahir didn’t, he atleast owed Rubila
the truth. Feelings need to be reciprocated. They need to be told, they should
not feel forced upon. So Rubila waited for the day Baahir would himself unfold
all the lies. In her heart, Rubila had not forgiven him , though thoughts
and confusion still lingered in her mind. She had believed all the lies Baahir
had told her. She was sold on them. She had fallen for the man Baahir had
created. She knew the truth about his professional life, but there were still
confusion about his personal life. Maybe he lied to her about how broke he was.
Maybe he just desired Rubila for the brief time that they had. Maybe he already
belonged to someone else, had responsibilities of children and more. Rubila was
confused but she waited. She cried and was tormented at the thought that of all
the hurt she had faced. She had trusted the wrong man again. She had fallen for
the wrong man again. A man who used all her weakness to break her and kill her.
Rubila knew not that how many more would suffer his wrath. Pakiza was a prey
still in the making, she was still hooked but for now Rubila had to worry about
herself.
One fine day, Rubila gathered all
courage and asked Baahir to answer questions and release Rubila of the
feelings. But Baahir wasn’t as kind as she had thought he would be. He left her
yet again. Unaware and unaided thinking she was helpless. But what Baahir did
not anticipate was that Rubila knew who he was this time. She was not as
helpless as he thought he’s left her. Since Baahir did not even bother to
clarify his stance, maybe he could not overcome the guilt if any, he stayed
away. Maybe to make up another character, and target another prey. Rubila
decided she would not be a victim of a sadist again. With that she put all of
her feelings behind her, one day she would again be on the path of her life
happy and free but for now, she wished Baahir the best and prayed to the Gods
to show him mercy and the knowledge to not use others and hurt them. She waited
for Baahir to confess but then she knew she was stronger. She promised herself
she would be kind to her if no one was, she would love and respect herself, if
no one else did. Rubila walked, tears streaming of the mistake she made. A
lesson learned. A hope dismayed. Somewhere within her she may still hope that
Baahir would turn out the man she thought he was, but she can’t wait for long
now. She can’t take the hurt now. So, she walked ahead, by herself, to see what
life promised her. But then Baahir made an honest confession, but to his dismay
she still does not believe him. A part of her wants to, walk with blind faith
where he would lead her. Just when she thought she would have her questions
answered Baahir had to leave, she waits with baited breaths, wondering hoping
that this time, for all times sake, Baahir would keep his promise that he will
come back and the smoke will clear, the air will be clean enough for her to
breathe, her tears will finally say good bye.
THE END…. don’t know…yet!
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