Paradigm!

You may not want to admit to yourself but most often in relationships, we give away the power of our being to another. Who has the right to treat you wrong? No one but we give them the leverage to treat us unfairly. Words cut the deepest and they never heal. They fade but they always stay with us. They shape our being. People hide things from you. People manipulate you. All for what? We lose out on our autonomy; maybe not all people do but yes most who are emotionally vulnerable do. There is a fine line between doing things for the other, making them a priority and then totally shying away from what you feel and should do for the other person.

Emotional abuse is the worst kind of treatment that you can give to the ones who care or love you. Being attached to someone does not give you the right to berate them. To use words those intend to harm. You do not have the right to yell at them, to keep them in the dark. If a person bestows their trust in you, value it. Out of a million people, if someone chose you, don’t take it for granted. Every tear is worth something, a lot actually. Every smile even more. If you cannot make someone’s life easy, don’t make it tough. Why hurt people who are emotional? Because they make easy targets? Because they lay their faith and trust in you? Because they actually give a shit about you? A friend has been suffering in her marriage and I feel for her because I made her go for the guy. I made her choose him. She is such a lovable, dependable person who truly does a lot for others and she is suffering in silence. You shouldn't have to play games to get and give love. If you love a person, there has to be some value in their faith and love for you.

When I reflect on this, I start to think of unrequited love. So much adoration and possibilities, where do they all go when they are not given back. You meet a person, you connect, you fall for them and then if there is no future- where do you go from there? It literally feels like your world as you know it, falls apart. You have no idea about how to cut back and let loose the emotions you have for a person. The immense affect they have on you. What happens to the dreams that you weave. The fantasies that you play in your head over and over. How do you force yourself to let go but you still hold on by a tiny thread of hope.

Maybe – such a powerful word it is, isn't it? It’s like you are walking the tightrope, one step, one action and you fall into heaven or hell. We've all had that someone who did not return our love. Crushes are totally different; they come and go but the ones that affect you so leave a mark. You know you have to walk the life that is laid out for you. There will be people with whom you will have to walk ahead,  but that person won't exist in your future. That really really sucks. Because when you know the potential of a union, ok say maybe it won’t be that great, but what if it is, so still you think about it and try. Every now and then in your life, you will end up comparing them with the ones you have. You would think of how they would have treated you v/s how you are treated. Is it worth it? Maybe not, definitely not. But that’s destiny I guess. So even though your unrequited love might think and wish for you to get the best, you get what you are destined to. But what if….what if….

The more experiences I accumulate, the more introvert I'm becoming. The walls are becoming stronger. More barriers are being formed every day. Every brick on this wall is reinforced with betrayal of some kind. This is what I am left with. So ya, from now on I made a vow to myself.  I will abide by certain rules:

•  Don’t hurt anyone.
• Choose the words you speak.Think and realize how they would impact the other.
• Choose who you open up to .Be an open book but only allow certain people to view it.
•  Be a little selfish.
• Don’t believe in just words, they need to be validated by actions.
• Judge a person, don’t trust people immediately.
• Cry and but never forget.
• Know your worth, even if you feel like shit.
• Know that you are loved and cherish people who really love you. They deserve you.
• Know that it’s not your job to fix or raise people.
•  Leave when you are not wanted. Stay when you are needed.
• Differentiate between fake and real.
• Try, don't give up till you have to. You never know what would have happened with that last try.
• Tell people how you feel about them, at least even if you are not together. You know you did your best. Gave your 101%.
• Irrespective of how many bad experiences you have, love. You open yourself to more hurt yes but you never run out of love, for one day, someone might really need it.

So, that’s about it. Even though these rules help but eventually they can’t change who you are as a person. It will take time and a lot of hurt to reinforce these rules but just maybe you are lucky enough to find someone who makes you forget all these rules and just be you.