Why do people cheat?

There is just something very disturbing when you hear about an affair that ruined a life of someone close to you.  Met with a friend who seemed so happy and whose husband I thought was such a nice guy , he did the unthinkable. He had an affair with a colleague. You can control your actions but never the actions of another; this is a sad reality that we must face. Sex addiction or being drunk has nothing to do with it. Maybe it’s all about “Cognitive dissonance”, what is wrong and bad for you, it gives you a thrill. Maybe it’s a trivial thing for people who cheat; it may be a defense mechanism to justify the cheating.

I have been cheated on so I know the feeling, I empathize. Two other people very close to me have been cheated on as well. I have seen how it breaks people. You lay your utter trust and faith in someone and then it only takes a minute to choose to do the unthinkable. Trust is a fragile thing; I think the most fragile thing. The recovery from a break of trust takes the longest. Hearts break but there is someone who can fill that void, ease the pain. But trust is something that needs rebuilding. What do you say to someone at this moment? There is just so much hurt, feeling of betrayal that is in the air that you just can be a good listener. People don't realize that their partners do get to know about these things. They fear this and are so shattered that it literally shakes them to their core.

Infidelity in today’s time is increasing to an extent that it has made me lose faith in relationships in general. If a man or a woman cannot make his/her partner or a love interest secure, they never will. Most men might not want a relationship but just sexual intimacy with the other. If someone trusts you, they expect loyalty in return. It’s not that you are not allowed to interact with the other gender but when there is something fishy, you instantly know. If the other person is giving you freedom and space, respect that gesture and trust. It’s not that your partner won’t or doesn’t get any offers, they do, maybe more, but they chose to be faithful. This shows the dedication that you have for a person, respect for their faith in you.

Physical cheating with someone may hurt but there are various other forms of cheating and mind you all of them come under emotional abuse. Self-gratification is what is leading to the destruction of people. I read somewhere, that when you don’t choose to cheat it’s basically - “This is called “maturity.” It’s called “being an adult.” It’s called “not being a fuck up.”I will never know the exact cause of cheating. It may be an ego boost that someone else desires you, it may be that you are not connecting at some level. If that is the case then why not communicate it to the other. If you have lost interest in them, why not end it and then go with whoever you fancy. What is the need to hide and break someone, over and over again?

Cheating does a lot of internal damage; the friend I spoke about is pregnant. At this stage in her life she is traumatized, even thinking of aborting the child. The other two, have given years to their partner and what did they get in return? Infidelity is very tough to face more for the one who has been cheated on. Guilt is never really an issue for the cheater. It all boils down to choice and how you can make the other person secure. I mean if you are making so much effort for a new person, did you ever try doing that for the person who actually cares for you? So just communicate, work on it or end it.